What does Turkish want for his birthday? Opposable thumbs, so he can open the goddamn door. He wants out! Out! Out out out out out, as in right fucking now, thank you very much.
The great furry swine turned 2 years old today, but he’s been very deep into the terrible twos for the better part of quite some time, stalking about the joint complaining about this and that and reminding me very much of me, only sober. Plus he can lose all the white hair he wants and never go bald.
Just be careful what you wish for, big guy. You ever get those opposable thumbs you crave so desperately, we’re making you clean out your own litter box. The presents you leave for us in there could blow a buzzard right off a gutpile.