Make it March

March is coming in like a lawn sprinkler.

The headline is from Robert Heinlein, whose immortal protagonist Lazarus Long frequently employed the phrase when he wanted some yapper to cut to the chase.

So, marching on. …

I met my new primary-care doc this week and am delighted to report that she is a pleasant young African-American who recently bought a Co-op bicycle from REI. There may be hope for the bike biz, ladies and gentlemen.

Our lawn guy collars me while prepping our sprawling estate for spring and he sez to me, he sez: “I’m finding all these little rocks in the yard …” I sez to him, I sez: “Oh, that would be from me shoveling snow off the roof.” Look for my forthcoming science-fiction novel, “Flat Roofs Are Stupid,” about a man who travels back in time to teach the Anasazi about peaked roofs.

Always wear your glasses when scouring the refrigerator for a toothsome tidbit. The other day I was rooting around in there like a blind hog hunting truffles and somehow managed to shoulder a door shelf out of the sonofabitch. Two glass jars hit the brick floor — one containing soy sauce, the other maple syrup — and exploded like cluster bombs. It took both of us to mop up that mess and for about 24 hours the house smelled like someone simmering barbecue sauce in a nursing home.

And finally, Elon Musk got some press for doing something other than being a douchebag. The SpaceX Crew Dragon rode a Falcon 9 rocket into space and toward the International Space Station. The only passenger was a dummy. No, not that one.

 

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16 Responses to “Make it March”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    I can see you on an open mike night. Rapid fire standup is what.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      O, hell, no. Standup takes huevos. The audience is right there in front of you, where they can get at you. I prefer to holler my quips from a safe distance, way up in the cheap seats.

      “What’s that dude hollering about up there?”

      “Beats me. I think he thinks he’s funny, though.”

      • Herb from Michigan Says:

        I hate my refrigerator. It’s the most poorly designed storage system ever. Every time I open it I cringe since no matter how hard I try, stuff migrates and ends up all over the place. Worse than my workbench. I’ll open up a jar of mustard, place inside the Growl Box (mine makes a threatening noise when it cycles) and the jar will go into a black hole somewhere and reemergence takes place only months or years later. And like POG, I’ve had foodstuffs try to leap out and kill or maim me many times.

  2. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Geez, not even two weeks ’till I’m back in the US of A for NAHBS 2019. Nobody from Adventure Cycling going to Sacto?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Tech editor Nick Legan is going, but only because he’s a judge. Nobody from the mothership will be in attendance, and as per usual nobody cares to underwrite my travels. The bike magazines all had to sell the couches they used to root through for spare change whenever they were thinking about employing a contractor or getting a cup of Starbucks.

    • Pat O'Brien Says:

      Some year I would like to go to the NAHBS. Sort of a bucket list kinda thing. Not this year though. Patrick, are you still going to ride the Santa Fe Century in May?

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        Y’know, Paddy me lad, I ain’t even had time to think about it. This winter has put the boots to the ribs of my “pre-season” mileage. And there have been other distractions as well.

        We’re talking the half, not the full, amirite?

        Meanwhile, I hope Larry has clear skies for NAHBS. California’s weather has been vile this winter. I thought about going, and then I thought again. If I drive that kind of distance I demand 70 and sunny.

        • Pat O'Brien Says:

          Yep, just the half for me. My tandem riding neighbors are doing the full monty. As far as my nephew goes, do not know yet. I don’t even want to go into mileage. I can ride 50 right now. How long it would take is entirely another question. Guess we will figure it out as the time comes closer.

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          The 50 has about 2,500 feet of vertical in it, so I need to start looking for my legs pronto. Shit, I turn 65 on the 27th, and I need to cover 65km at minimum on that day, which shall live in infamy. Sixty-five miles would be preferable.

          • Pat O’Brien Says:

            Happy birthday Patrick! Are you all signed up for Medicare? Turning 65 didn’t bother me at all. The approaching 70 trips around the sun in June is giving me some trouble. Last year I was in some fine company to blow through 69 with a smile on my face. If other rides don’t come together, I might come up to get some dirt time we missed last year.

          • Patrick O'Grady Says:

            All signed up, Bubba. Once the bits start falling off, Uncle Sammy can staple-gun ’em back on.

            A friend turned 72 the other day. We were gonna go for a celebratory afternoon ride (72 minutes) but he threw out his back during a morning hike.

            We old, but we not dead.

        • larryatcycleitalia Says:

          As you well know PO’G, NAHBS ain’t about riding any bikes, it’s just looking at ’em and blabbering about ’em so unless the Sacto exhibit space is under water, it doesn’t matter to me.
          I’ll try to say CIAO to Legan, used to like his tech stuff in VN back-in-the-day. Perhaps schmoozing with him could counter the less-than-warm relationship I have with NAHBS’s chief judge? Probably not.

          • Patrick O'Grady Says:

            True, Lorenzo. It’s more like church, isn’t it? Worshiping at the Altar of the Rotating Mass.

            Is Himself still the chief judge? We’ve sort of lost track of each other. I think I last saw him at Interbike 2017.

            Nick is a good dude. Smart, high energy, loves the ol’ bikey bike.

          • larryatcycleitalia Says:

            Sadly the man is still chief judge as far as I know. I see him at various bike industry things and just say hello and leave it at that – it’s always been a frosty relationship with some rare thaws, but probably frozen solid for good when I took him (in private, via email) to task for some BS (and I had proof!) unfounded and nasty comments he made about Eroica CA a few years ago.
            And now I show up with our friends from Favaloro at NAHBS where he’s in-charge of the judging. 😦 Who’s the idiot now?
            They got 2nd in the Campagnolo-equipped category last time I was there…which I think might have been only because he wasn’t involved in that judging…but who knows for sure?

  3. Dale Says:

    In other cycling related news…

    https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2019/mar/03/belgian-cycling-nicole-hanselmann

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