Sooooooooo-ee!

~ Patrick O'Grady
Don't let his sleepy expression fool you — this white guy can jump.
Don't let his sleepy expression fool you — this white guy can jump.

Could I have a mild case of the swine flu? A couple of women suggested today, after seeing me in Lycra, that I may have picked something up at the trough, as in a few too many porky pounds. And I’m married to one of them. The women, not the pounds, though of course we are close, too.

In fairness, I think Herself was just waiting for someone else to bring the subject up so she could do a riff on it, like Miles Davis and John Coltrane trading licks. It’s not as though we both had managed to overlook the fact that my girth has begun to challenge the design limitations of even the most expandable of fossil-fuel garments. When you can get an echo out of a guy’s belly button, and his kit size sports more Xs than a Jenna Jameson flick, that guy is a great fat bastard.

Call me old school. Back in the day, racers who had denied themselves various guilty pleasures throughout the long racing season (with the exception of Sean Kelly) often plastered on a few kilos during the off-season, knowing that they would either have to train them off come springtime or have Captain Ahab hunting them with harpoons, and not just for laughs, either.

So show me a little daylight and I’ll ride right through it. And before you know it, I’ll make Andy Schleck look like the Michelin Man. They say the first ton is the hardest.

Meanwhile, here’s another fat honky for your amusement — Turkish, in the back yard, enjoying a brief gap between rainstorms.

28 thoughts on “Sooooooooo-ee!”

  1. Shit, don’t remind me. I broke 160 lbs. the other day (at five feet six) and my bride was laughing and pointing to my midsection. Last time I was this gravitationally-challenged, my M.S. advisor was kidding me that I needed to be on his racing sailboat as a counterweight so he could hoist bigger sails.

  2. So I’m at the emergency supply store (aka, Total Beverage) and the guy in the A-B truck is unloading cases of mini-cans (8 ouncers) of Bud Light. That has got to be a sign of the pending apocalypse. If you catch yourself drinking an 8 oz can of Bud Light, you’re not concerned about your weight: you have an oral fixation or maybe need to take up knitting to find something to do with your hands.

  4. Gents, I hear you. Herself and I were discussing this the other day. She’d been at some bash where the top-shelf tonsil polish was some undistinguished corporate swill — a “lite” beer of some sort — and we both agreed that if we ever found ourselves in a situation in which “lite” beer was the best we could do, we’d give up drinking altogether.

    I mean, shit, it’s not like we’re sucking down Chateau Latour ’61 or anything — a $20 bottle of Frog sidewalk-softener is considered an outrageous luxury at Chateau Le Chien, with $10 being the usual outlay and an $8 sixer of local ale its hot-weather complement. But “lite” beer is the alcoholic equivalent of kissing your sister or smoking a bale of Nebraska ditch weed.

  5. been trying to drop weight all of april
    only down to 4lbs too heavy
    climbing up left hand
    jamestown
    leehill
    is the only thing that works
    argghhh

  6. More evidence that Bud drinkers are idiots: At the Buckley Air Force Base Exchange this weekend, Bud American Ale is $5 a six pack, or a twelve pack for $13.50.

  7. Patrick, I think they make a special “oinkment” for that swine flu!

  9. Actualy Steve what teh hell is “Bud American Ale?” Sounds like an oxymoron to me. But then again at that price…..

  10. Actualy Steve what the hell is “Bud American Ale?” Sounds like an oxymoron to me. But then again at that price…..

  13. IMHO
    Sam Adams Light is a fine beer. It’s hardly “Light” but it makes me feel better.

  14. I was the anchor athe this last Sunday’s group ride. The boat anchor, that is. The pictures posted on the net after the ride confirmed it. I am a FAT BASTARD. In spades….

  15. I was the anchor at this last Sunday’s group ride. The boat anchor, that is. The pictures posted on the net after the ride confirmed it. I am a FAT BASTARD. In spades….

  16. Make your hobby, hubby
    Keep your hubby happy
    When he’s a little chubby
    He’s the happy pappy

    (who do you love, honey?)

  19. Oh Patrick that sooo cute.

    I nominate Herself as poet laureate of the land of Mad Dog.

  20. I’d like to thank all the little people…guess that leaves out my Mad Dog…I keed, I keed. 🙂

  22. Thanks!
    Lurking has been my practice but I was compelled to weigh in (heehee).

  23. OK, Shorty, remember who the funny guy is around here. You don’t watch it, I may turn up at some library shindig in a “John 3-16” T-shirt and start screeching about burning dirty books, like the dictionary.

  24. Patrick, have you been smoking too much ditch weed again? I figure the chances of seeing you in a John 3-16 T-shirt are as remote as seeing me screwing a set of license plates on a Hummer. Or screwing a set of licence plates in general, I suppose…

    cheers, K

  25. I can’t stand the dictionary, personally. So many words, so little celebrity entertainment. O’G, call me when it is retribution day for Shannon, and provided I’m back in the country, I’ll help you with the library shindig showdown.

    Jeez-o, we have one weird-ass comments section going this round.

  26. The dictionary contains all of the greatest works of literature. You just have to put the words into the right order.

  27. hey I know all the secret librarian handshakes to get you guys past the guards.
    I’m in.

  28. Herself,
    All respect and such, but I think you seriously underestimate the wiles and resourcefulness of the monkeys that inhabit this here blog thing.

    I’m still in ’cause I think it would be great fun to hear Patrick screech. So far I’ve only heard him say one word. By the way how is the podcast/videocast thing working out there Patrick?

    Joey, the unabridged dictionaries are a lot more fun.

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