It’s showtime!

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 2 Comments
“Y’know, I think we’re all bozos on this bus.” — Barney chatting with Clem in the Firesign Theatre’s fourth album. Photo by Capotina Entretenimientos on Pexels.com

Well, here we go again. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,” as King Henry had it, according to Billy Shakespeare. Or unto the polling place, anyway, in hopes of a little more sanity and a little less swordplay.

I don’t have the faintest idea what’s going to happen this Erection Day, and I don’t think anybody else does, either. The electorate is hard enough to fathom (see the 2024 pestilential erection). But predict the fight-or-flight path of the criminally insane? I doubt A.I. could do it. And it if could, it probably would keep the data to itself.

“Beats me, boss. These bozos are harder to track than bloomer bunnies on a fat hoor in a dark alley.” (Winks at the smart toaster, whispering, “This is gonna be fun.”)

The Clown-in-Chief’s golden escalator doesn’t go even halfway to the lobby anymore; it’s stalled at Men’s Pants. And I don’t like it that we’re suddenly not hearing much from the titular heads of more than a few critical agencies. They may be busy packing their bags, buying pardons, and/or enlisting regiments of lawyers. Or they may be armoring up because why the hell not? Consequences are for the inconsequential, don’t you know. And there’s still plenty of loot, enough for everybody.

Not for you, of course. But still.

“Step aside, pal, I need to get at that cash register.”

I’m going to wander up to our polling place at some point and scope out the lay of the land, see if the Pentagon has any of its Death Rays parked outside.

The rest of you lot, keep your go-bags close and your guns closer, and don’t answer any knocks at the front door without a quick squint through the peephole. You see anybody wearing a mask who ain’t the Lone Ranger, hit the back door a-runnin’. Fighting may be out of style at the FutureFair — in the Future, that is — but I’m not sure we’re there yet.

I remain hopeful. But I check that other hand from time to time to see if it’s filling up faster.

In the meantime:

“Ladies and gentlemen, children, Bozos … Now please, everyone, lock your wigs, let the air out of your shoes, and prepare yourself for a period of simulated exhilaration.”

Fall back/run away

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 8 Comments
A gloomy Nov. 1 follows a delightful Halloween. What the hell, we got an extra hour in the sack to start the month. Or did we?

Quite the Halloween we had here.

The weather was perfect — neither too cold nor too warm, and the anticipated rain never appeared. As a consequence we served what I think was a record number of trick-or-treaters before lights out, around 9 p.m.

Boo.

All manner of Burqueños rang our doorbell — young and old and in between, costumes ranging from casual to wildly elaborate, the mood celebratory throughout. Not at all the sort of mob one has to run from.

I choose to see it as an omen. A bunch of strangers sharing a moment, however briefly. See, it can be done. May the spirit endure.

We may yet get a puck in the gob from the gods, who seem intent on flogging us with a windy, watery cat-o’-nine-tails. It would be swell if they took a couple days off — like, through Election Day — but the trees are already dancing a jig so I’m not counting on it. Today may be another running opportunity, and perhaps tomorrow as well.

In any event, I need to get outside for a while. Sundays are when Herself does the serious housecleaning, and like Nature, I abhor a vacuum.

The misty mountains cold

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 3 Comments
Tonight’s trick-or-treaters will want their heavy cloaks. Even hairy-toed hobbits may opt for mukluks.

“Misty mountains cold” indeed. The Sandias are up there somewhere, I suppose. Whether they host a fire-breathing dragon squatting on dwarvish gold is someone else’s problem. It’s chilly enough down below and there are no Tooks in my bloodline.

Speaking of trials and tribulations, The New York Times says the Southwest is in for it again as a new storm system sets up to hose us down, sloppy seconds from former Hurricane Vance.

“Hurricane Vance?” Seriously? I knew there was something I didn’t like about that guy. Many somethings, actually, and this is just one more.

The last round of storms, says Colorado state climatologist Russ Schumacher, “should be considered among the most extreme storms in state history.”

And now we have another one rolling in, sharing a name with a smirking toady whose beard makes it look as though he’s sporting a second fat ass with three buttholes above his necktie, plus pistol-grip ears.

Well, shit. It is Halloween. Everybody’s gotta be somebody.

Stand and deliver

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments
Nothing says Halloween like a plug-in plastic punkin.

Anybody else having trouble getting a boner (har de har har) for Halloween?

I mean, masked strangers in scary costumes pounding on your door at dark-thirty? They don’t save that shit for Oct. 31 anymore, yo. It’s been ages since anyone demanded my papers. Shit, these days I don’t even own a pipe.

Anyway, yesterday I finally started making my All Hallows’ Eve preparations. The weatherbeaten strings of lights that we leave up year round, as the late, great Jinx’s Place in Bibleburg did with its Christmas ornaments, have finally achieved critical bulb shortage. So I took them down and as we speak I’m cobbling together a minimalist arrangement that involves less pine sap (fingers) and ladder usage (lower back and knees).

It’s always a crapshoot here at the bottom of the cul-de-sac, trying to predict how heavy a lift Halloween is going to be. Some years we get throngs; others, twos and fews.

Tell you what, though. If it turns out we draw nothing but ICEholes this time around there will be a lot of candy left over. We won’t give the sonsabitches shit other than name, rank and serial number.

Long hard road

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 21 Comments
Actually, that’s not a road at all … it’s a long hard wash. Especially if you’re riding it uphill.

Holy hell — here we are, on the last Hump Day before Election Day, when we should get some idea about who’s going to get humped for the next two years, how, and by whom.

Doomscrolling is never a great idea, even in the best of times, which these are not. I do it anyway, of course, because once I was a journalist of sorts, kinda-sorta, and old habits — especially those of old scribes — die hard. This is particularly so when there’s a blog to feed.

Anyway.

In my wanderings around the nation’s main streets and back alleys I find a great deal of optimism about the midterms. Lots of celebration with time on the clock and yards between here and the goal line.

Keep hope alive, y’all. But let’s get to that end zone before we start dancing in it.

Consider this an open thread. Give us your hopes, dreams, and fears. But first — vote.