After a fun reunion with the Mombo Club-El Rancho Delux mob it was back in the barrel with a vengeance. Sundays get a little hectic when there’s only one of us working at VeloNews.com (everyone else pissed off to their country chateaus). We got a whole lot of nothing all day long, and in French, too. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried to decipher a French story about a Basque bike race for an American audience. Happily, I ate a lot of acid as a young man and now I understand everything.
I had a Bicycle Retailer and Industry News deadline lurking in the background, too, but it’s tough enough to write comedy when things are funny, so I pushed that to the back burner. Ain’t nothin’ funny about trying to translate a language you haven’t spoken since you were 8.
Meanwhile, I see my man Bill Clinton is so desperate for poontang that he has to go all the way to North Korea for some takeout. What do you want to bet he makes ’em both wear blue dresses for the flight home? I got a choice between 12 years at hard labor and 12 hours in a pressurized aluminum tube with Bubba, I’m busting rocks and eating kimchi, know what I’m saying?
Mad Blog Media 
Je ne sais pas comment lire le Francais. I don’t know how to write it or speak it, either.
If English was good enough for Jesus, then goddammit, it’s good enough for everyone.
Jeff, Jesus sprechen Spanish que?
As for Ol’ BC, I heard from a somewhat reliable source (not F*ck News) that a certain member of his family who also happens to be well educated and NOT at Stanford, was politely described as “a word that rhymes with itch.” And now you know why Bubba goes all the way to Kim Jung Il-land to score some ‘tang.
Ya’ll take it easy on my homeboy. Sometimes you need to pull out the big gun when there is heavy diplomatic lifting to be done. I’ll take a guy with a BJ habit and get 8yrs of peace and prospartiy to what we had during the last 8. At least no body died when BC lied about a hummer.
Funny stuff Patrick! Ya gotta skewer ’em equally though the right-wingers certainly provide more useful antics and opportunity. Today’s paper says even Nebraska is turning left demographically! The Republicans are truly at rock-bottom. Just hope they stay there for awhile but there’s no doubt they’ll rise again to reinstate the failed Ronnie Ray Gun policies one more time. By then perhaps I’ll be retired in Italy.
Patrick, I’m thinkin’ you can maybe get a few more eyeballs on your web site if you take a page from the notebook of the New Kids on the Journalism Block, i.e. Roxana Saberi, these two Current TV chicks and the trio that recently wandered into Iran. All you gotta do is stray a little too close to a dangerous border (say, Canada?), get yourself arrested and claim you were just pursuing truth and justice and peace, and all of a sudden you get more attention than anyone ever woulda paid to anything you could actually, well, REPORT.
I wonder, seriously, is THIS the “New Journalism?”
Come on Patrick. Ease off on Clinton. You’ve crossed a line here.
Hey, Bruce,
I’m sorry you think I’ve crossed a line, but everyone thinks that of me sooner or later, ’cause that’s what I do.
I never liked Bill, and never voted for him. I thought he was and is a great extemporaneous speaker, and for sure he’s as smart as a whip — in fact, too smart for his own good. If he had been smart enough to keep it zipped for eight years, we might have been spared the train wreck that was his second term, and the monstrosity that was Bush-Cheney.
It was that close in 2000, that close, and I blame Bill for some of it, along with Al for running one of the dumbest, weakest campaigns since Walter Mondale. No, check that, Michael Dukakis. I helped work a Denver event for his campaign and by the time it was over I was sorry we weren’t still subjects of a British monarch.
George W. Bush should have been a pushover for any Democrat. But the other side plays for keeps, a lesson we seem doomed to keep relearning, over and over again.
So I cross lines.
That said, I think Bill, Al and Jimmy Carter are all excellent ex-presidents. Especially Al, who never got to sit in the big chair.
Hey Brian,
Just curious if you knew of GWB’s secret fetishes or not, because by implying that people didn’t die when Bubba had Monica playing hide the tonsil poker that would imply that ol’ Shrubby was doing the same. Just curious because I haven’t seen that reported anywhere else.
And Bruce if Bubba had said “pull the trigger” maybe we wouldn’t still be in the Cradle of Humanity fighting for ‘democracy’ (at least of you believe some of the reports). Just saying….
And Patrick – keep it up. You do a wonderful job at this sheit stirring. If the big boys don’t like it then maybe they shouldn’t be playing with other people’s livelyhoods so free and easy. Either that or bring Biafra back!!
Patrick,
While I can agree with much of what you said, which one of us hasn’t done some very irrational/dumb things in our past? (Luckily my biggest one never made it into official police records.) Patrick, by your own admission you’ve smoked/eaten/inhaled stuff you wouldn’t do again, being a responsible husband and landowner. For all his faults, Clinton in this act accomplished something good and noble. He deserves a little slack. Rush L. took the same tack; I like your writing and would not want to put you in the same category as Rush.
That’s exactly why any “Patrick O’Grady for President of Anything” campaign wouldn’t be getting any of my support. At least the ol’ shit-stirrer is smart enough to realize he shouldn’t be in charge of anything, unlike someone like…..Sarah Palin for example.
It was THAT CLOSE in 2000, and the crazy thing is that a ton of people made a lot of money “advising” both campaigns, when the first dozen names in the Butt, Nebraska phone book could have done a better job for free.
Who green lit that Alpha Al idea? My wife was undecided until that one debate where Al looked like he was stalking W. Right then she said, this dude is creepy, and voted the other way.
And a whole bunch of folks said that Bill was damaged goods and couldn’t / shouldn’t contribute to the campaign. Al paid good money for that advice.
Just more evidence that anyone with half a brain is doing something either fun or profitable instead of running for office or advising others how to.
Oh I don’t know. With Herself holding a gun to his head, Patrick might, I say might, behave. If he stepped out of line Herself would have him stuffed and mounted above the fireplace … okay, maybe in the garage. 🙂
I can’t be made to behave. It’s been tried, by experts. And besides, Herself would have to stand on a chair to hold a gun to my head, and I can still run a little. Haw.
lol
You knew it as wrong and you did it anyway. At least you follow your motto. Still I don’t think you are Bill’s type.