Month: April 2010

John Versus the Volcano

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments
Call me a cab! All right, you're a cab.

It’s a gray day in Bibleburg. We had some rain last night and the forecast calls for more of the same over the next week. Maybe it’ll tamp down the tree pollen a bit. Herself and I are going through boxes of Kleenex at an alarming rate. An entire rain forest soaked in snot and flushed down the loo to Pueblo.

At least we don’t have any active volcanos in the neighborhood. That Icelandic rascal is dumping hot ash over many a traveler’s itinerary, including Monty Python’s John Cleese. According to The New York Times, Cleese found himself stranded in Oslo and hired a Mercedes taxi to drive more than 900 miles to Brussels, where he hoped to get a train to London. Three drivers took turns at the wheel and the fare came to about $5,000, said one of his agents, Dean Whitbread. Rather too far for a silly walk, don’t you know. Right, off you go.

Meanwhile, expect a reduced field at Sunday’s Amstel Gold Race thanks to air-travel restrictions. Team Sky’s Bradley Wiggins, Cervélo’s Carlos Sastre and Volodymyr Gustov, and Caisse d’Epargne’s Alejandro Valverde, Luis Leon Sanchez and Luis Pasamontes are among the riders who apparently can’t raise the cabfare.

A Mad Tea-Party

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 12 Comments

It’s April 15, that joyous day when our spendthrift ne’er-do-well Uncle Sammy comes a-callin’ with both hands held out, palms up. Oboy.

We had to write a couple of hefty checks this year to Sammy and his layabout cousins running Colorado, and I can’t say I’m happy about it. Neither are the Teabaggers, who were very much in evidence today, as the media loves a circus.

Antiwar protesters couldn’t buy time on TV during the Daffy-Fudd regime, but dingbats like the ukelele-playing former “SNL” cast member Victoria Jackson get a free ride with their nonsense about there being a “communist in the White House.” Ditto Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Bizarro World), who referred to the Obama administration as “this gangster government” while addressing a Teabagger rally in DeeCee. She must’ve spent the previous administration down the rabbit hole with Alice, the March Hare and the Mad Hatter.

With all the anti-tax hysteria taking over prime time, I was astounded to stumble across a bit of sensible commentary — from, of all things, a newspaper that once employed Your Humble Narrator. The Arizona Daily Star in Tucson editorialized today “that when public officials and others rail against ‘taxes’ and cast every tax as evil and unnecessary, it’s vital to counter those claims.”

Sometimes reasoned argument even prevails over noisy nonsense, as in a follow-up interview with one respondent to a New York Times/CBS News poll on the Teabag “movement.”

(I)n follow-up interviews, Tea Party supporters said they did not want to cut Medicare or Social Security — the biggest domestic programs, suggesting instead a focus on “waste.”

Some defended being on Social Security while fighting big government by saying that since they had paid into the system, they deserved the benefits.

Others could not explain the contradiction.

“That’s a conundrum, isn’t it?” asked Jodine White, 62, of Rocklin, Calif. “I don’t know what to say. Maybe I don’t want smaller government. I guess I want smaller government and my Social Security.” She added, “I didn’t look at it from the perspective of losing things I need. I think I’ve changed my mind.”

No marginally sane person would argue that every tax dollar is spent wisely. Some of us might point to the previous administration’s fondness for starting needless, illegal and immoral wars, for example.

But if you want cops and firefighters, schools and parks, clean water and air, and some hot mix for those goddamn potholes, well … someone has to pay the freight. Which of your must-have items are you willing to do without in the name of lower taxes?

Ass, gas or grass, baby — nobody rides for free.

Wheels of fortune

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments
A wheelset from Rivendell Bicycle Works arrives with a little something extra.
A wheelset from Rivendell Bicycle Works arrives with a little something extra.

This will come as a surprise to you, I’m sure, but I am something of a curmudgeon. Show me a silver lining, I will show you the black cloud that envelops it. Remember your Arthur Schopenhauer (as interpreted by Ed Abbey): “A pessimist is an optimist in full possession of the facts.”

That said, today I had a reason to smile. It didn’t quite hurt my face. About 10 days ago, after some back and forth via e-mail with hoops-master Rich Lesnik at Rivendell Bicycle Works, I had ordered a set of handbuilt touring wheels — LX hubs, Velocity Synergy rims, DT Swiss 14/15g spokes, nickel-plated brass nipples, the works.

Rich was patient and helpful in answering a series of silly questions, which is always nice for the person asking them. But when the wheels arrived today, I found I’d scored a couple bonuses despite my reputation for being able to transform every molehill into a mountain with a single well-honed groan.

First, I was awarded a discount, which I had not sought and did not expect, the economy being what it is. Second, I received a membership and subscription to the Rivendell Reader (issue 42 includes a couple of good Maynard Hershon reads, Samuel Coleridge’s “Kubla Khan” and some tips for remounting a dropped chain without mucking up your mitts).

And finally, the box that the wheels shipped in was ornamented by a cartoon drawn by the fabled Pineapple Bob himself. Go ahead, try not to smile. I dare you.

Flowers, Fiore and foolishness

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments
From the backyard, near Chairman Meow's resting place.
From the backyard, near Chairman Meow's resting place.

Ooo, shiny objects: Apple has finally updated its MacBook Pro line. There’s even a shot of some nameless bike weenie in Specialized kit under the “Performance” tab. Kinda looks like Chris Horner. The universe may be trying to tell me something here. Probably that I don’t make enough money to buy all the shiny objects that catch my eye.

Meanwhile, in the reality-based community, the flowers are starting to pop up. They’re pretty, too. Plus they’re free.

And finally, scribbler Mark Fiore wins this year’s Pulitzer Prize for editorial cartooning. Good stuff. I bet he can afford a new MacBook.

Boonen’s victory party Cancellara-ed

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 12 Comments

Judas Priest. Fabian Cancellara is a horse. And all those dudes who wouldn’t work in the first chase with Tom Boonen are horse’s asses. Racing for second? The honor of being first loser? Puh-leeze. Has Tomeke made a bunch of enemies all of a sudden? He can’t be boinking all their teen-age sisters.

Or maybe all that Peruvian marching powder has stripped the insulation from his cranial wiring, because he did say something spectacularly dim post-race for a guy who’s won Paris-Roubaix three times.

“I had just done some attacks of my own and was sitting at the back of the group trying to feed and keeping a check on the riders behind us,” said Boonen. “And then Cancellara just went.”

Indeed he did. And I never once saw him pay a single bit of attention to the riders behind him.