Month: May 2010

A midnight dreary

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments

The raven that’s been crapping all over the publications biz came a-tapping, gently rapping, on Bicycle Retailer & Industry News‘ door last Friday. Creative director Erik Haugli, graphic designer Wanda Williams, production manager Ron Bertola and classified sales rep/administrative assistant Stacey Smith all got laid off.

The headline on this news item was “BRAIN Realigns Staff to Boost Efficiency.” Just above it was an item on Cannondale shit-canning 92 people with the hed “Cannondale Completes Bedford Plant Layoffs.” I don’t suppose it feels any better to be realigned than to be laid off. But then I’ve only been laid off, job-wise. I leave the realignments to my chiropractor.

A somber tip of the Mad Dog fedora goes out to these latest casualties of the Great Recession. No journalists were harmed in the making of this realignment. Not yet, anyway.

Dumb and dumber

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 6 Comments

Stick a microphone in John McInsane’s face and something mind-numbingly stupid will pop out of his mouth. Guaran-fuckin’-tee. The senator (R-Asylum) is like a jukebox that only plays one tune — the Horst Wessel song.

Chiming in on the arrest of a suspect in the attempted Times Square bombing, this fine legal mind opined on the Don Imus show: “Don’t give this guy his Miranda rights until we find out what it’s all about.”

No, Numbnuts, the U.S. Constitution is not merely advisory, like a stop sign in Bibleburg. You don’t get to tear it up every time some dingbat tries to blow a bunch of us up. Not if he’s an American citizen. Not even if he’s a brown American citizen. Jesus. You’d think a guy who spent a few years in a cage getting beaten into a confession would have figured it out by now.

And Traitor Joe Liederkrantz (I-Cheesedick) is no better. This tool wants to strip Americans of their citizenship and constitutional rights should they “choose to become affiliated with foreign terrorist organizations.”

Who gets to decide what constitutes a “foreign terrorist organization,” Joe? Let’s hope it’s not you, you sanctimonious sack of shit. Listening to you and of the GOPers you pal around with, I get the idea that being a member of the Democrat Party might qualify.

Remember when these tinhorns squeak that the U.S. Senate was once considered the greatest deliberative body in the world.

I’m not dead yet

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 6 Comments
And now for something completely different.
And now for something completely different.

The Universe is trying to kill me. Yesterday I got caught in a snow-slash-sleet storm while out for a short ride and today I nearly got drilled twice in two blocks by distracted drivers doing California rolls on stop signs.

Further along an elderly woman nearly took off my left hand with her passenger-side mirror while trying to beat me to a stop sign as I was signaling a left turn. And finally an inattentive laborer carrying a long aluminum ladder almost batted me out of a bike lane and into a passing car.

Well, you don’t have to warn me more than three or four times. I sped straight for home and stayed there. But I don’t feel much safe indoors. You will recall what happened to Arthur Pewtey at the marriage guidance counselor’s office.

Que triste es la vida

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 3 Comments

That explosion in violent crime along the U.S.-Mexico border everyone keeps talking about? You know, the one related to illegal immigration? Uh, seems there isn’t one, no matter what Sen. John McSame, Gov. Klan Brewer and the rest of Arizona’s xenophobic nitwits say.

According to The Arizona Republic‘s Dennis Wagner, “FBI Uniform Crime Reports and statistics provided by police agencies, in fact, show that the crime rates in Nogales, Douglas, Yuma and other Arizona border towns have remained essentially flat for the past decade, even as drug-related violence has spiraled out of control on the other side of the international line. Statewide, rates of violent crime also are down.”

Gosh, imagine that. Republicans lying through their pearly whites for political purposes. Who’da thunk it?

Arise, ye prisoners

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments
Two, four, six, eight, organize to smash the State!
Two, four, six, eight, organize to smash the State!

It’s May Day, kiddies, and I want to see each and every one of you out in the streets today, smashing the State.

Alas, I will not be able to participate as I have a bad back (solidarity, brothers). Also, I have to work. Damn The Man! But if it weren’t for me nobody would know that Jacob Keough (UnitedHealthcare-Maxxis) and Theresa Cliff-Ryan (Colavita-Baci) won last night’s Spartanburg Downtown Criterium. It is a weighty responsibility indeed, yet it is a burden I bear gladly, because booze, food and bike parts cost money and this is how I get some. You’re welcome.

Meanwhile, it’s just above freezing outside and I fear for my tulips. Also my cycling. Our local cage-liner anticipates a soggy, snowy May, so those of you planning to tackle the Iron Horse on Memorial Day weekend better do your training in a meat locker somewhere so you can get used to the feeling of freezing your tits off during a pointless exercise in oxygen deprivation, pain management and altitude sickness.

Me, I’ll be sitting right here, posting a story about it. You’re welcome.