. . . pun intended, the first Tuesday in November being a day on which we are invited to stick it to ourselves via the ballot box.
I just wrapped up my civic duty, voting the straight Democratic Party ticket, croaking all amendments, propositions and city-county questions devised by tea-baggers, Industrial Christians and other asshats, and retaining one judge I know personally from having endured jury duty in his courtroom.
Herself votes via mail-in ballot, but I enjoy walking the five blocks to the polling place and gauging the mood of the electorate. Plus it’s a beautiful fall morning day in scenic oligarchical Bibleburg and I’ll grab any excuse to get outdoors before the snow finally shows.
Poll workers said the turnout had been strong all morning, and at least one of them was getting anxious about the potential crush come lunchtime.
Of course, this being Bibleburg, I’m not certain whether this is good news or bad news.
• 6:15 p.m.: The polls are still open here in Colorado, so the bad news is so far coming from elsewhere. NPR just aired a few moments of frothing tea-bagger talking points from the insane fuckwit Rep. Mike Pence, R-Indiana, which caused me to dash out and buy a bottle of Chamucos Reposado tequila as a palliative. Good sites to keep an eye on for real news, if you’re into self-flagellation, are Steve Benen’s Political Animal and Josh Marshall’s Talking Points Memo.
• 6:30 p.m.: If one of my readers would be so kind as to send me money for airfare (cash, no checks, please), I’d be happy to jet off to NPR HQ and slap the mortal shit out of Melissa Block and Robert Siegel behind the microphones. They and their correspondents are entirely too giddy for my taste this evening.
• 6:45 p.m.: It’s the economy, stupid. And the GOP talking points. If you believe NPR, the electorate is buying what the GOP is selling, which would not surprise P.T. Barnum, H.L. Mencken or Hunter S. Thompson.
• 7 p.m.: The polls just closed here in Colorado, so we’re braced for evil tidings. Well, I am, anyway. Herself is at the movies with a neighbor, knowing that this is the time of night when I commence to march around the house yelling shit shit shit and scaring the cats. Meanwhile, The New York Times has managed to piss me off with a banner hed that reads “Tea Party Victories Propel Republican Gains in Senate,” when only one seat has been called as switching hands; the Elefinks need 10. Shit shit shit.
• 7:15 p.m.: No more NPR for me, thanks. I’ve croaked the audio and placed my faith in Al Gore’s Innertubes, as God intended. The early news from The Denver Post is that Donks Michael Bennet (Senate) and John Hickenlooper (governor) are looking good, with 2 percent of precincts reporting. Two percent. Where’d I put that Chamucos?
• 7:30 p.m.: Bennet and Hick’ still looking good with 4 percent reporting. More of the same unsupported jabber from the NYT. The WaPo site appears to be in spaz mode. More servers in the ol’ farm for those of us trapped in flyover country, please.
• 7:45 p.m.: OK, we’re clearly stuck in a holding pattern here. I may be forced to resort to television. Meanwhile, I’m off to cook dinner before I lose my appetite. Or my life, if Herself comes home to a kitchen with no vittles in it.
• 9:15 p.m.: OK, the Post is saying Brewmaster Hick’ is gonna be Colorado’s next governor. This I will drink to. Incidentally, in case you had any doubts based on the previous update, I’m still alive. Breaded pork chops did the trick. This was a deliberate election-night menu choice, my reasoning being: Eat the pig before the pig eats you.
• 10 p.m.: The NYT is saying the Pachyderms have the House. The Senate appears out of the Elefinks’ reach for now, but the members of The World’s Greatest Deliberative Body® will all be occupied with running for president for the next two years, so it doesn’t much matter who’s calling the shots over there. Speaking of shots, mmmmmm, tequila. A la chingada con tu y tus amigos gabachos, Tomás Tancredo.
• 10:15 p.m.: Well, since neither breaded swine nor cactus whiskey seems to be moving this election along, I’m gonna call it a night, since the news can only get worse. Plus Herself has a real job that requires (a) early rising and (2) an Irish-American serving up breakfast in the kitchen (what is this, Russia?). Meanwhile, try to look on the bright side — some day, we’ll all be dead.
Mad Blog Media 
Straight Democrat as well. A YES vote on the amendment to allow recall of a Governor and special election of replacement. Given the locals tendency to elect really weird governors it could be a good idea or at least generate some additional political theater.
FuckING Awesome! Where the hell is your podcast? Cheers Patrick!
You guys will enjoy this:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/americans-bravely-go-to-polls-despite-threat-of-el,18394/
Here’s another good one: http://tinyurl.com/29pwo72
Those were choice, O’G. Esp. the “Elect the Willfully Ignorant” skit.
Too bad that the real thing is crazier.
I like your blow by blow descriptions. The polls were open til 9 PM in New York. In Bridgeport, CT they ran out of paper ballots (ridiculous that it happenend) and were ordered to stay open until 10 P.M.
Patrick I see that you are sticking to a Paleo diet of tequila – enjoy.
I saw that Hickybobber won over Tancredo but did the Repugnican party lose certification in CO by not getting 10% of the vote in the Governor race?
All the twentysomethings must have stayed home from the polls here in Wisconsin. I guess it’s more fun to play with your smartphone than be smart. We lost a Senator and a Governator. The new Senator is a buffoon, and the new Governor is a bible banging hate spewer. Help.
is there no one working at any of the networks with a math degree? what exactly is the purpose of giving us “results” to three significant figures when single digit returns have released? “And with 2% of the vote in, Wiley Coyote has 57.689% of the vote … ”
i think it was Benny Franklin who said that you can’t be a thinking man and a party man at the same time. and while i find both of the major parties disgusting in terms of competence and integrity, the GOP’s brand of cynicism and intellectual dishonesty I find most unsettling. both parties find themselves victims of their own extremism, but the Dems seem to go there a bit more reluctantly while the GOP’ers embrace it with bear hugs.
“major party status” is mostly symbolic, but it’s not meaningless. come ’12, the presidential ticket will read Obama/Dem at the top, followed by the Greens, the ironically named American Constitution Party, and every other loose cannon, with the GOP somewhere at the bottom. or, at least, that’s what the law says … but don’t expect Gessler to actually enforce the law on this one.
i loved how Tancredo and Maes both apparently went to the Nuke LaLoosh school of public speaking. with 3/4s of the vote in and Maes hovering around 9%, he talked about fighting to the end, giving it 110%, blah blah blah. platitudes, non sequiturs, and regurgitated canned expressions. but what should i have expected from a couple of guys whose combined IQ would be mistaken for a Colorado fall thermometer reading?
Denver Channel 9 is doing a fund raiser for homeless vets today and tomorrow. And Tancredo’s fucking lunatic brigade has highjacked the comments section with their typical idiocy, demanding that someone from Channel 9 is checking DD214s to confirm that the homeless aren’t illegals or space aliens or something. for fuck’s sake, if you have a problem with a charity event, then don’t support it. but don’t use it as your personal platform for trying to “take back this country.”
“take back this country.” from whom? from the democratic process? i’d love to see a native american group pick up the “take back this country” theme. cuz we haole, gringo, pasty-faced europeans were the original illegals.
Folks, we have a lot of close races here, some leaning right, others left. The Buck-Bennet thing remains a cliffhanger, and the local cage-liner reports that the Repuglicans polled 11 percent — just enough to avoid being relegated to minor-party status. More after the second up of java.
Train wreck for the Donks in the House of Reps, eh?