Month: April 2012

Prince of fools

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 19 Comments

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been … well, actually, since I’m neither Catholic nor a fink, I’ve never confessed. Ever. You want to pin something on me, you better have three eyeball witnesses, videotape and my prints on whatever.

But I digress.

So I’m in this Bibleburg record-and-video store, which shall remain nameless — hey, I told you, I’m no stool pigeon, OK? — and I’m browsing the stacks, trying to find something to watch in the absence of Herself, who is living la vida loca with a girlfriend in Santa Fe whilst I ride herd on the menagerie and rassle various velo-gators for bicycle magazines.

Anyway, I’m scanning the science-fiction section and what do I come across? “The Ten Commandments.” As in the Cecil B. DeMille classic about Moses leading the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt. The Ten Fuckin’ Commandments. In the science-fiction section.

So, Father, what I want to know is this:

Am I going to Hell for laughing my ass off?

Individual pursuit

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 16 Comments

Floyd Landis, the gift that keeps on giving. Now a federal grand jury has become interested in his fabled Floyd Fairness Fund, which can’t be good news for anyone save his lawyers.

Seems the head of the fraud division in San Diego, assistant U.S. Attorney Phil Halpern, is himself a bike racer, so he may have a little more staying power than that Novitzky fella, who plays hoops.

You can’t get blood out of a turnip, but you can sure fuck up the turnip in the process.

 

Nibbles gets gobbled

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 11 Comments
Ike's tomb on Earth Day 2012
The Tomb of Chairman Meow has a fine color guard for Earth Day 2012.

Vince Nibbles, as Andrew Hood calls Vincenzo Nibali, nearly won Liège-Bastogne-Liège today.

When Nibbles went away atop the Cote de la Roche aux Faucons, Philippe Gilbert suddenly looked like he’d just taken a big hit from a spoiled bidon and the chase was as well organized as the House Democratic caucus. When Nibbles had 46 seconds in hand all the smart folks pretty much figured that was that.

And then Maxim Iglinskiy chased him down like Nibbles owed him money, and that really was that — the Sicilian was racing for second with just over a klick to go, and Astana was en route to picking up its second big win in a week after Enrico Gasparotto won last Sunday’s Amstel Gold. Gasparatto made the podium here, too, finishing third. Good times.

Good times here today, too. We’re looking at a sunny 60-something with light winds, and having already arranged for dinner — leftovers from last night’s killer stew of green chile, pork, onions, garlic and spuds — I have plenty of time to ride. Only one chore remains, the completion of an overdue column for Bicycle Retailer and Industry News. Some days these things practically write themselves; others, it’s like trying to drive ten-penny nails into mahogany using an old banana for a hammer.

Pull it, sir

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 6 Comments

Oh, Lord, is this ever looking like a long week. A deadline with one outfit, technical difficulties with another, and Herself dashing from one end of the state to another like a turpentined ferret, leaving me in charge of the menagerie. Plus I am not on my way to Sea Otter. Party time this is not.

That said, the forecast calls for more or less spectacular weather for a few days, so I’ll try to pedal a few pounds off the Large Irish Ass between chores. What the hell? It’s not like I’m gonna be doing any post-Pulitzer interviews on MSNBC. When the hell is that outfit going to devise a category for Gratuitous Use of Filthy Language In a Blog Devoted To No Particular Purpose?

Doggy Pop and the Stooges

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 11 Comments
Soma Double Cross in touring mode
The Soma Double Cross in touring mode.

After the deluge earlier this week, I reconfigured the Soma Double Cross as a fendered kinda-sorta touring bike instead of an unfendered kinda-sorta cyclo-cross bike. Naturally, conditions have been dry and windy ever since, so much so that today I became a pedestrian rather than gnaw on the gentle double-digit zephyrs.

The weather wizards say all this will change over the weekend, but I’ll believe it when I see it. In the meantime, the fenders stay on as a Stooge-like double-finger to the eyes for the gods.

Speaking of the Stooges (nyuk nyuk), the Farrelly brothers’ tribute to Nyukledom opens this weekend. I’ve seen two reviews, one from a man, the other from a woman, both basically going “Awwwww. …” Cute? The Three Stooges? Nawwwww. I think I can wait for the free library DVD on this one.

Right now we’re up to our bowl cuts in “Boardwalk Empire,” which gets off to an awfully slow start for the uninitiated, and “The Wire,” which was just so goddamn motherfuckin’ good that we watchin’ them shits again, yo, a’ight? Maybe this time we won’t need the subtitles.