Holy hell. Madge Greene (R-Porkerlips) was right! I went out to look at the eclipse and was instantly punished for my sins against God and America.
I’d listen next time but the fucking eclipse burned off my ears.
Eclipsed
Holy hell. Madge Greene (R-Porkerlips) was right! I went out to look at the eclipse and was instantly punished for my sins against God and America.
I’d listen next time but the fucking eclipse burned off my ears.
Mad Blog Media 
AOC sounds delightful. MTG sounds like an illegal food additive. I think she dries her hair in the air frier. I bet she could turn the Medusa into stone with one look. In the left side of her brain nothing’s right; on the right side nothing’s left. When the doctor told her she had corona virus she bought a new laptop.
MTG would make a freight train take a dirt road, for sure. I think the best part of her ran down the crack of her mama’s ass. I don’t care if she ever gets a COVID vaccination, but I’d surely like to see her get one for rabies.
Sir, yes, sir, Gunny Hartman!
Did her parents have any children that lived? She’s so ugly she could be a modern-art masterpiece. And I doubt seriously that she will ever unfuck herself.
I’d watch that movie again except my spouse would put a crowbar through the TV.
Herself is all done with “Full Metal Jacket” and “Platoon.” But she does laugh whenever I pop my eyes at her and yell, “Were you about to call me an asshole?”
She was so ugly as a kid her mom tied a pork chop around her neck so the dog would play with her. Her resting heart rate is higher than her IQ. She is a useless as the “ay” in okay. Bitch so ugly I bet donnie didn’t try to kiss her. I gotta a million of ’em!
Aha! Now the truth comes out POB about your early career in vaudeville. I always suspected it but now you’ll have to fess up. I think they still have your picture up at the Regent Theater in Buffalo. Keep up the good work but one eye open for those shaving cream pies lurking in the wings.
POG you’ve done it once again. Given Old Herb a visual and a forever quote to purloin. It’s pretty rare to see a quip I ain’t heard many a time but by god you give fresh kill week in and week out.
Thankee, Herb, y’old quipster. I collect oddball phrases like old ladies collect cats. If you live long enough, move a ton, and keep your ears open, you’ll hear all manner of regional oddities. But they may be slipping away — first radio, then TV, and now the Innertubes have been slowly homogenizing and/or obliterating a lot of regional speech.
Bet you heard this one POG. My Uncle Harry used to say “that man is as useless as tits on a boar hog”. My old man use to admonish me “engage brain before mouth”. And of course my old basketball coach “Herb- were you born stupid or do you have to practice every day?” Then there was another Uncle Harry-ism I never did figure out. You’d say “anyone seen my toothbrush?” and the retort would be “if it were up your ass you’d know”. I suppose one would DEFINITELY know that but it raises a lot of questions eh? But as time goes on, I think Harry had a fix on things.
The boar-hog bit is a classic. And I remember hearing the “if it were up your ass” retort a time or two. Some of my faves include “dumb as a bag of hammers,” “too dumb to pour piss out of a boot with directions printed on the heel,” “hornier than a three-peckered snow toad,” “so ugly he has to sneak up on a sandwich to get a bite,” and one I found in a book (“Dr. Excitement’s Elixir of Longevity” by William Ryan) that made me laugh out loud: “Ace Pooley smelled like canned farts.” Holy hell, I snickered just typing that.
First heard “as useless as tits on a boar hog” from a college friend of mine who grew up in Michigan. And “dumb as a box of rocks’ from a colleague at LANL. One has to remember all these terms of endearment as there is a target rich environment out there.
This sounds so much better coming from a NCO in Afrikaans but the English translation is:
Stand up straight! Stand up straight!
You look like a pillow slip full of shit that’s hanging over a barbed wire fence!
Afrikaans is a wonderful language that lends itself to profanity.
Oh, yeah, that’s a good one. Here’s another that revisited me this morning: “If my dog had your face I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.”
Leave it a basic training drill sergeant or instructor to come up with the best insults for a captive audience who are essentially powerless. My drill sergeant explained to me just before graduation that his goal was to see as many of us as possible survive a deployment to Vietnam. He said you have to act, move, and shoot as a unit to survive. John Wayne wannabees won’t make it back.
My favorite insult of his, Staff Sergeant Bornhoffer, was “You bunch of knuckle necked, needle dick bugfuckers better listen up.
A laudable goal. I’d have wanted someone to beat all the stupid out of me if I were headed for a war zone. I was not the dumbest 18-year-old the Selective Service had ever seen, but I was certainly on the podium.
My basic training platoon was mostly draftees. I assume he, SSG Bornhoffer, knew that some were heading to infantry school after graduation from basic.
We had overcast skies up here through which you could see a fuzzy sun, so I gave it a pass. I saw a total eclipse in Honolulu back in the ’90’s and the annular eclipse up here last year, and they were glorious. The shadows last year were wonderful and given I had the Big Six Inch out front and pointing up at the sky (with solar filters on the front of the main tube and aiming scope), we had a bunch of the neighbors over too.
Mean Madge Greene is such a loser. As I lamented today to someone else, the fact that our DA’s race in this judicial district is between an incumbent incompetent and the guy who was her predecessor who was equally incompetent, and there is not even a Rethuglican running, tells you the state of dysfunction in the Land of Entrapment.
We got a pretty good look at the eclipse down here, but last year’s annular eclipse was mucho bettero as we say south of the border (La Bajada). The light didn’t get nearly as weird this time around. But as usual the news made up for it. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeyit.
Regionalism # 1: so ugly she would puke a dog off a gut wagon;
#2: if brains were dynamite you couldn’t pass gas.
#3: for you, if feces were brains it would raise your IQ by 30 points.
Useless as a 5th tit (dairy cow reference).
He could give a dogs arse heartburn.
As scary as a literary anarchist wearing designer eclipse glasses.
As panicked as an Arizona republican the day after they get one of their three wishes.
As confused as an ageing geezer still bent looking between his legs waiting for the double orb eclipse to pass the crack of his ass. Is it over yet?
As a retired smith, I probably have more different hammers than most people have ever seen. They are all smarter than a certain guy I sometimes rode with. After watching for a while as he tried to repair a flat, I had to ask “Are you trying to get the tire on or off.” Don’t insult the hammers!
Re: MTG – I refer to her as “Potato Face”. This may be an insult to undeserving Idahos, but I can’t get over the resemblance.
MTG kinda reminds me of Nikita Khrushchev in drag. Except Niki had more of a sense of humor.