Category: Arts & letters

Return of the Interbiker: Songs from Uranus

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 8 Comments
On the road again
Eastbound and down, loaded up an' truckin'.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada — Technology is not always our friend, and all too often the march of progress resembles the drunkard’s stumble that Tom Waits famously described in “Nighthawk Postcards (From Easy Street)” as “using parking meters as walking sticks.”

For example, we now enjoy “Italian” bikes wearing Asian components, “high-speed Internet” that is anything but, and “smart” phones that no longer need humans to place calls, choose music or launch apps.

The Italian-Asian hybrid you already know about. The Internet of the Living Dead was at the Fairfield, where I spent much of last night pushing one pixel at a time through a virtual soda straw.

And the “smart” phone? It was in one of the cargo pockets in my shorts when it decided Interbike was boring and needed a fresh soundtrack. Thus throughout the day my iPhone 3GS would randomly set Tom Waits, Gladys Knight and the Pips or Elvis Costello to singing, Ace Ventura-like, out of my butt, generally while I was trying to conduct a little business.

When that proved so 15 minutes ago it started ringing up people in my contacts list and launching apps at random. What’s next — texting my editors to ask them whether they’re wearing crotchless panties? Some of them probably are, and then where the hell will I be?

Oh, yeah — I’ll be on the road, that’s where. Show’s over, and I’m Colorado bound.

The VeloHerd thins

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 29 Comments

It took a while for the word to filter down to the cycling press, but it seems that even a blind dog finds a Milk-Bone now and then — Bicycle Retailer and Industry News reports today that John Wilcockson and Charles Pelkey both got the heave-ho last week from Velo (formerly VeloNews) and VeloNews.com. They followed Velo editor in chief Ben Delaney out the door shortly after the 2011 Tour de France wrapped. Ben was not pushed; he jumped.

I’m not a staffer with Velo or VeloNews.com; never have been. I’m a free-lancer — an “independent contractor,” in the parlance of our times — and my contract with San Diego-based Competitor Group Inc., now the owner of Velo, VeloNews.com and a number of other publications and events, bars me from discussing any “confidential information” that I may come across in the course of doing my little bit of business with the company.

Given that the information about the sacking of John and Charles has become generally known — throughout the industry, anyway, via BRAIN, for whom I also perform my one-ring circus act  — I no longer feel compelled to refrain from discussing it, albeit with some circumspection. Like John, Charles and Ben, I have bills to pay.

John has covered more than 40 Tours and Christ only knows how many other races in his years with VeloNews and other publications. He is a walking, talking VeloHistory book, so crucial to the chronicling of the sport that I even forgive him for having been born a Limey instead of an Irishman. He and the original Trio — the other two being David Walls and Felix Magowan — hired me as a cartoonist in ’89, and the work that they and editor Tim Johnson kicked my way when I quit my last newspaper job in 1991 helped keep food on the table, beer in the fridge and the wolf from the door.

Charles, in his 17 years with the company, not only covered a ton of races, he became a respected authority on cycling’s governance, the abuse of performance-enhancing drugs and the arcane testing/appeals process. He wrote a popular online column, “The Explainer,” and assembled a worldwide audience of devoted fans who attended his live updates from the Tour and other events as if they were papal addresses from St. Peter’s Square.

The silly sod also routinely got up at 3 a.m. to post cycling news from Europe. You might get me up at that hour to face a firing squad, but probably not. “Fuck it, just shoot me here. Bring me a cup of coffee first. And a newspaper. And Elle MacPherson. Not necessarily in that order.”

Charles and are old pals who tag-teamed the VeloNews.com op’ for a lot of years, and I always worked the late shift, because I was not born a German and have no children to interrupt my sleep. Being old newspaper guys, we have the sort of professional relationship that lets us shout “Fuck you!” at each other without anyone’s feelings getting permanently hurt.

I’d say we’ll miss these guys, but that seems kind of obvious.

Music soothes the savage breast

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 17 Comments
Turkish in the sink
The Turk' was chillin' in the sink while we listened to Emmylou at the Newport Folk Festival.

After a trying week it’s been pleasant to listen to a little live music from the Newport Folk Festival courtesy of NPR Music.

Yesterday I caught the Decemberists and Gogol Bordello; today it was Amos Lee, Mountain Man, Elvis Costello and Emmylou Harris. Elvis and the Imposters started out a little ragged — I think he used the first couple of tunes for his sound check — but still, it beats the mortal shit out of Prairie Home Companion, lemme tell you, especially when he does “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?” with a theramin for backup.

If you missed it, NPR Music is archiving audio and video from all three stages, so you can play catchup in the cube farm — assuming your particular business doesn’t get the business because Congress can’t do business, the miserable fucks. Congressional Progressive Caucus co-chair Rep. Raúl Grijalva of Arizona is seriously pissed off, and I’m right there with him. Says Grijalva:

The Democratic Party, no less than the Republican Party, is at a very serious crossroads at this moment. For decades Democrats have stood for a capable, meaningful government — a government that works for the people, not just the powerful, and that represents everyone fairly and equally. This deal weakens the Democratic Party as badly as it weakens the country. We have given much and received nothing in return. The lesson today is that Republicans can hold their breath long enough to get what they want. While I believe the country will not reward them for this in the long run, the damage has already been done.

Preach it, brother, preach it. Where’s Steve Earle when we need him?

• Late update: Pete Seeger joined Emmylou and a crowd of other performers onstage for “Turn, Turn, Turn” and “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?” The old commie’s gone a little wobbly, but he kept up the struggle. When will they ever learn, indeed.

Pirates and parking lots

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 19 Comments

Allergy season, April weather and a blizzard of deadlines have conspired to distract me from my main purpose in life, to wit, devaluing the other, more prestigious properties along the Infobahn. (“Jesus, what is it with that Mad Dog Media guy? Weeds all over the place, paint’s peeling and the goddamn racket coming from the joint at all hours. …”)

Also, we finally got around to watching the 2010 documentary “Inside Job” and it left me thinking more about sticks and stones than words, which as we all know cannot really hurt anyone. Jesus H. Christ. It makes you want to cash out what’s left of the old portfolio, close out the 401 (k) and the savings/checking accounts, buy gold and guns, and bury the former in the back yard while keeping watch over it with the latter.

To drain the bloodlust, watch “The Parking Lot Movie,” another 2010 documentary, this one about a gaggle of offbeat parking-lot attendants in Charlottesville, Virginia. Talk about the other end of the financial continuum. The gang argues with cheapskates, chases drive-aways, and responds in kind to the contempt that trickles down upon them from the blue-blooded commodores of the land-yacht flotilla.

One attendant notes that as the automobile grew in size over the years, they actually had to start turning some behemoths away because there were no spots large enough to accommodate them.

“You could almost see the truncated syllogism in their head,” one attendant says. “Like: ‘I bought the car; how could there not be a place to park it? Surely it comes with a parking space.’ ”

The tagline is, “It’s not just a parking lot. It’s a battle with humanity.” Or the lack thereof.