“We need to get to work for the American people. We need to get a Speaker as soon as possible. So instead of doing that I’m going to force vote after vote on my doomed wank-fest of a candidacy until whatever remains of the Marginally Sane Wing of the Republican Party hires undisputed WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns to yank my head off and place it in a glass jar to be displayed at the House Rostrum as a warning to other self-serving sociopathic bomb-throwing nihilists who couldn’t pass a bill if it were taped to a football but nonetheless might seek the gavel.”
I’m starting to think Thor couldn’t pick up this hammer.
“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the Precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!”
Gym Gollum (R-Wrestlemania) may not be getting his Precious after all.
The wizards in DeeCee hint darkly that his high-pressure tactics — enlist an army of orcs and goblins to screech at various members of the House of Reprehensibles, their families, friends, and house pets — did not constitute what we in the rasslin’ game call “a submission hold.”
Asked for comment, a spokescreature for Sauron the Terrible hissed: “It’s the Cracks of Doom for this bozo. He could fuck up a One Ring circus.”
El Rancho Pendejo in The Duck! City was the perfect spot to catch the 2023 annular solar eclipse.
Herself scored some paper safety goggles and we inspected the celestial event at our leisure, from the back patio.
Things grew dark and chilly, the birds went all radio silence, and the sun looked like a big Power button just waiting for Someone to click it off. Happily, no one did.
And you bet your ass I howled at the sucker like a werewolf. Got to keep the neighbors on their toes.
The light throughout was truly weird, with acid-flashback shadows on the brick pavers and concrete walkway. Put me in mind of Mark Twain’s “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” it did.
You see, it was the eclipse. It came into my mind in the nick of time, how Columbus, or Cortez, or one of those people, played an eclipse as a saving trump once, on some savages, and I saw my chance. I could play it myself, now, and it wouldn’t be any plagiarism, either, because I should get it in nearly a thousand years ahead of those parties.
But unlike Hank Morgan, I couldn’t derive any profit from the eclipse; our modern lords and ladies mostly keep their heads where the sun don’t ever shine, preferring to work their mischiefs in the dark. So I just enjoyed it.
This is not Ginger Hitler’s mug shot. It is Kurt Vonnegut’s drawing of an asshole, from “Breakfast of Champions.”
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Ginger Hitler immediately set about monetizing his Fulton County mug shot, because, hey, lawyers don’t work for free, unless you stiff ’em, which he does, which is why he has to (a) keep hiring new ones and (2) find some way to monetize things the rest of us might prefer to forget, like mug shots.
But that’s not the funny part.
The funny part is, according to Intelligencer, that one of the underfed cells in his brain trust, Chris LaCivita, fired off an aggro and illiterate warning on social media to anyone else hoping to turn a buck off The Face That Launched a Thousand Shits without having received “prior permission,” to wit, the copious wetting of a voracious orange beak.
“If you are a campaign, PAC, scammer and you try raising money off the mugshot … WE ARE COMING AFTER YOU. …”
This is strictly the hee, and also the haw. As law prof Betsy Rosenblatt told Spectrum News Cleveland, it’s likely that the Fulton County Sheriff’s Department — not the famously litigious Moue That Roared — holds the copyright as the creator of the image.
Also, according to Reuters, the Fulton County court distributed the mug shot to media outlets, which are always — especially in these dark days — eager to accept a handout, even one as fugly as this.
Adds Intelligencer:
Team Trump loves threatening to sue people, but its follow-through rate is pretty low. Plus right now Trump has far bigger fish to fry than the person selling Trump-mug-shot toilet paper on Etsy.
Hey, you never know. So many lawyers, so little money. …
Mad Blog Media 