Let them eat scenery (or bullshit)

Live It Up!
30 percent less suckitude than Pueblo or your money back!

Once again satire runs a very poor second to reality: Bibleburg recently pissed away $111,000 to come up with a new tagline — “Live It Up!” — along with a logo that would look right at home on a bottle of something or other.

Never mind that drunkards living it up in the Tejon Street saloon district, and then beating the shit out of/knifing/shooting each other in the streets after last call, are hardly the stuff of a solid Chamber of Commerce campaign in a town shunned by venture capitalists, where unemployment was pegged at 8.6 percent in September, slightly above the statewide average.

The new tagline is reminiscent of a similar campaign in Richard Russo’s “Nobody’s Fool,” led by a dimwitted huckster of a bank president who has the brainstorm of hanging a street banner that reads “Things Are Looking in Bath,” equating its brilliance with the fabled “I ♥ NY” campaign.

The citizenry and merchants of Bath “were not fetched by this argument,” wrote Russo. “They were waiting for something tangible. …”

As are the citizenry and merchants of Bibleburg, no doubt. Given our reputation for religious intolerance and right-wing idiocy, perhaps “Live It Down!” might have been closer to the mark.

Or how about this? “We’re Jobless, Broke and Hungry, and We Can’t Eat Scenery.” Or bullshit, either, for that matter.

Boardroom buffoonery

How is it that CEOs manage to corral all the money in this country? Pulling a fatheaded stunt like this doesn’t exactly strike me as an example of top-shelf business acumen. Howard Schultz would have a tough time as a barista with an uptake this slow.

• Late update: And lest you think buffoonery is confined to the boardroom, we have this from Rep. Steve Southerland (R-Fla.), this from Rep. Steve Chabot (R-Ohio), and this from Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.). Three very small tinfoil beanies indeed.