In like a lamb

March 1, 2011 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 16 Comments

Northbound from Fountain — Some snow remains on The Big Hill, but the trails are mostly clear and dry.

Between bouts of being snarky for fun and profit I’ve managed to slip out for a few longish rides lately, reasoning that I will need the legs to pedal everywhere once The Big Spigot runs dry in the Middle East, where all those grumpy, swarthy foreigners are busily killing each other off instead of harvesting our oil.

Yesterday I rode south along the trail to Fountain, fighting a slight headwind out but enjoying a righteous tailwind home. Today I headed north along the same trail, through the Air Force Academy to Baptist Road (yes, that’s the actual name; why do you think I call this place Bibleburg?). This time it was tailwind out, headwind home, which once again was perfect as that route is uphill on the outbound leg.

A couple deadlines remain unbeaten yet, but I have ’em by the plums with a downhill pull now. VeloNews cartoon tomorrow, Adventure Cycling bike review due Thursday, then a fun-filled weekend in the VeloNews.com barrel, peeking out through the bunghole at Dreidaagse van West-Vlaanderen, Vuelta Ciclista a la Region de Murcia, De Vlaamse Pijl, Montepaschi Strade Bianche and the start of Paris-Nice.

Jesus. And here I thought March was coming in like a lamb.

And the Oscar for flat repair goes to …

February 27, 2011 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 5 Comments

Mikey O'Schenk goes soft on me — You should never assume this position so close to Nude Life Church.

While the rest of the world was wrestling with big issues — union-busting, dictator-toppling and the Academy Awards — Mikey O’Schenk and I tackled the small shit, like stopping twice on today’s ride to deal with a softening rear tire.

The first time O’Schenk felt his rim kissing Mother Earth we stopped to air the leaky sumbitch up a tad and continued along our merry way through the Air Force Academy. Alas, that temporary fix wrote a permanent finis to the tube, as he managed to pull the guts out of the valve when unhitching the pump.

So I loaned him one of my spares — O’Schenk usually rides with one while I pack three, one for each of my velo-personalities — and we limped on home. This is not a figure of speech, as O’Schenk had run a 20km footrace the day before and was feeling the burn.

I hadn’t done diddley and was as frisky as a young stoat, which must have been irksome to my companion, who is several years my senior. A couple, anyway. OK, call it a year and change. This is a creative process I’m involved in here, and if it occasionally demands that I simply make stuff up, well, so be it.

I’m shocked, shocked …

February 18, 2011February 18, 2011 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 12 Comments

… to learn that there was a clenbuterol ring operating in Spain. Y’think they had a deli op’ running on the side? Specialty meats, that sort of thing?

• Late update: From such tiny acorns springs the mighty oak. I turned that pair of sentences into a mild rant at VeloNews.com. Think of it as rantish. Rantesque? Rant lite?

• Even later update: Somehow I overlooked this very good column from Paul Krugman. Thanks and a tip of the Mad Dog’s Very Serious Hat to Sandy Underpants at The Aristocrats.

A mighty wind

February 17, 2011 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 31 Comments

Rim job — These buggers are no fun at all in a stiff crosswind. I should've stuck to the trail, but it was wall to wall with dog-walkers, iPlodders and other oblivious types.

Egad. Picked the wrong steed for the deed in yesterday’s winds. Here’s a Handy Household Hint: Leave the Steelman with the deep-dish Cane Creek Crono Cross wheels in the garage on blustery Wednesday afternoons. I didn’t and damn’ near got blown off the road, and what a road — the Academy Boulevard overpass atop I-25, between the AFA’s south gate and Kelly Johnson Boulevard. Hijo, madre.

But at least I wasn’t having to read or write any Big Tex or Albuterol Clenbutador stories. Jesus, what an orgy of hot air. Management informs me that the coverage was a hit with the readership, drawing more eyeballs than a girl fight between Lady Gaga and Oprah. But still, damn.

Today the wind is up once again and my inner fat bastard is telling me to take the day off. Never happen, porky. If nothing else I’ll go roll around in Palmer Park for a while, try to dodge the worst of it and sweat a little gravy.

Beating the meat

February 15, 2011February 15, 2011 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 12 Comments

Well, Alberto Clenbutador has pulled it off — in Spain, anyway, where the cycling federation has told him that his Tour de France positive for clenbuterol means fuck-all as far as they are concerned. Cyclingnews reports that he’ll get right after it, racing the Tour ao Algarve Feb. 16-20 and the Vuelta Ciclista a la Region de Murcia March 4-6.

Clenbutador and Bjarne “Mr. 60%” Riis must be jacking off over this bit of news. But it’s far from the final word. UCI and WADA are almost certain to go ballistic and appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport, where the outcome is far less certain.

What I’d like to know is: Where do the Spanish cycling federation pootbutts buy their pantalones? Dudes are so crooked, they have to screw ’em on every morning.