Category: Casual snark

The Turtle ain’t running

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments
Off with the Nikes, on with the ruby slippers.

The Turtle has decided against running for re-election, saying he plans to spend more time with his money … er, family.

Which is where the bulk of his wealth is said to come from.

According to 2022 financial-disclosure reports, Mitch McConnell has “a net worth between $19 million and $68 million.” Much of this moola derives from his marriage to Elaine Chao, daughter of shipping magnate James Chao. The McConnells received an inheritance valued between $5 million and $25 million in 2007 when her mother died, according to The Washington Post via the Cincinnati Enquirer.

I’m guessing the McConnells won’t be slouching around the mailbox waiting on the Social Security check that will not be forthcoming once the DOGEbags have finished tidying up that messy ol’ feddle gummint he’s finally leaving behind. Not even FEMA will be able to make that dead dog hunt, if only because FEMA will no longer exist.

The Turtle’s venality and the Democrats’ timidity helped bring us to the precipice upon which we teeter. He will not be missed, not even by the players who took comfort in knowing that it was always his turn in the barrel.

Anyway, senators are so 15 minutes ago. We have a king now.

They call it the ‘red’ planet, right?

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 5 Comments
Read it and weep.

Stuck for a Valentine’s Day gift?

How about snatching up these DOGEbags dry-humping the Statue of Liberty, stuffing them into a Starship, and deporting them to Mars?

No, not the Mars Elon covets. The Mars H.G. Wells envisioned.

See how these bright boys and girls like “intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic” drawing plans against them.

I know I’d love it.

La mordida

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 19 Comments
The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was less of a peace treaty and more of a détente, which is the French for “a pause while reloading.” | Photo lifted from RMPBS.

From the Feb. 2 edition of “Today in History,” by The Associated Press: “In 1848, the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was signed, officially ending the Mexican-American War.”

I guess nobody told the Dingaling Bros-Barnum & Beelzebozo Circus. Los siento mucho. Incoming!

Your ‘duh’ moment

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 3 Comments
“Just another day on the set, people. Lights, camera, action!”

I should be happy to see that someone in the elite political press has come to the same conclusion I have.

But still, I mean, like, “Duh,” an’ shit.

Of course TFG came swinging wildly out of his corner when the bell rang. Call it blitzkrieg, shock and awe, “a mix of signal and noise,” whatever. I called it flinging shit against the wall to see what sticks:

“At this pace there won’t be a wall without shit running down it before Valentine’s Day. A lot of it won’t stick, but it’s gonna pile up. The forecast calls for deep doo.”

A “deliberate strategy,” they say. An attempt “to disorient already despairing Democratic foes, leaving them so battered that they won’t be able to mount a cohesive opposition.”

C’mon. Anyone who’s watched this clown act for more than 15 seconds knew this going in. Nice to have the deets and the anonymous whispers and whatnot, but a casual glance at his wildly successful legal spasticity would give even a Democratic strategist or an East Coast journo a clue and a half.

“If you can’t dazzle them with brillance, baffle them with bullshit.” Coming soon to a wall near you.