Category: Casual snark

Impunity

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 9 Comments
“No paparazzi. Don’t make me call SEAL Team 6 on you.”

It’s good to know that the president can order SEAL Team 6 to swing by El Rancho Pendejo to pop a few caps in my ass and nobody can prosecute him over it, not even for littering.

I’d sort of suspected that this was the case. But it’s nice to have it confirmed.

Fuck. Me. Running. This D. John Shyster mouthpiece sounds like a real piece of work. Wikipedia says that in addition to the B.A. in theology from Oxford, the M.A. in philosophy from Notre Dame, and the J.D. from Harvard, our man has a B.S. in electrical engineering from Duke.

I guess this means that as Grand Inquisitor in the Second Coming he’ll be in charge of affixing the electrodes to everyone’s testicles. He’s getting a crash course in how to handle nuts right now.

The Benedictine monks from Saint Louis Abbey who provided his secondary-school education must be so proud. Laus Tibi Domine, y’all.

Squeakers gonna squeak

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments

“Cheese it,” as the Kool Kidz don’t say anymore.

Look, there goes former Squeaker of the House Charlie McCarthy, over the side, just like former Squeaker Pro Tem Patrick McBowtie before him.

What good news for the critical rubber-chicken sector of the nation’s economy. These hirelings spend years helping our corporate “citizens” turn the government into a $2 whorehouse, then travel the country proclaiming themselves* to be shocked — shocked! — that the government is a whorehouse.

And a cut-rate one, too. For them and their deep-pockets pals, of course. Not for you.

* A small fee applies, of course.

Up the chimney he rose

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments

Santos Claus ain’t comin’ to town no mo’. Not if the town is DeeCee, anyway.

The House lit him up and he’s nothing but a bad smell, with no salary, no pension, and 23 felony charges. Cast out, like a leper with herpes, running sores, and the heartbreak of psoriasis, into the cruel political wilderness.

In other words … he’ll probably be just fine. He’ll be hosting “Saturday Night Live.” Yeah, that’s the ticket. …

SpaceXAcme, LLC

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 16 Comments

Off we go, into the Wile E. Yonder. …

“Been there, done that. …”

I see Wile E. Musk is fucking up the fishing off Boca Chica again.

I happened to glance at The New York Times homepage about 90 seconds before launch, saw the live coverage from the X-Man’s spin doctors, and stuck around to see what happened.

Boom, is what. Actually, more like boom boom.

How long before Wile E. blames this latest “rapid unscheduled disassembly” on the Jewish space lasers?

Meanwhile, who’s ready to go to Mars? Show of hands? Anybody?

Getting hammered

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 35 Comments

“Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.”

“We need to get to work for the American people. We need to get a Speaker as soon as possible. So instead of doing that I’m going to force vote after vote on my doomed wank-fest of a candidacy until whatever remains of the Marginally Sane Wing of the Republican Party hires undisputed WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns to yank my head off and place it in a glass jar to be displayed at the House Rostrum as a warning to other self-serving sociopathic bomb-throwing nihilists who couldn’t pass a bill if it were taped to a football but nonetheless might seek the gavel.”

I’m starting to think Thor couldn’t pick up this hammer.