Archive for the ‘Cheap gags’ Category

The Free New Mexican Air Force?

February 25, 2021

From the Albuquerque Journal:

“Do you have any targets up here?” the pilot of American Airlines Flight 2292 asks Federal Aviation Administration traffic controllers. “We just had something go right over the top of us. I hate to say this, but it looked like a long, cylindrical object that almost looked like a cruise missile type of thing moving really fast right over the top of us.”

Was it Mescalito riding his white horse? Or The Free New Mexican Air Force?

¿Quien sabe, ese? Rolllllllllllllllllllllllll another one … just like the other one. …

Paper view

December 7, 2020

We’re on a roll here at Mad Dog Media.

Bob Dylan has sold his entire songwriting catalog to the Universal Music Publishing Group for more than $300 million, according to The New York Times.

In related news, Novelty Gag Products & Auto Body Repair of Sinvergüenza, New Mexico, announced that it has acquired the rights to the entire Mad Dog Media catalog for $149.99, a used whoopie cushion, and a vague promise to paint a 2005 Subaru Forester an eye-pleasing sage green at a time and date TBD.

“We plan to target bike shops, portable-toilet rentals, and nursing homes with our new line of Mad Dog soft goods,” explained Novelty CEO Desgraciado “Chuey” Hediondo. “We figure to clean up bigtime.”

“What the hell?” added Mad Dog Media founder Patrick O’Grady. “Ammo’s in short supply, and anyway, I’m tired of hosing lawyers off my lawn. Now get the hell off my lawn.”

Shrinkage

December 2, 2020

“Hey, whatchoo staring at my junco for?”

That little pecker out there? He’d be a giant condor if it were a tad warmer. Just sayin’.

Take me up; cast me away

November 28, 2020

Behold Exchequer, given to me by the Lady of the Other Home Office, on the condition that I fulfill any request she might make, the first and foremost of these being that I not use this magical weapon to acquire any more expensive, useless bullshit, f’chrissakes, can you do that for me, hon’? Pretty please?

Another Black Friday passeth without my being compelled by bitter circumstance and/or simple covetousness to draw the mighty card, Exchequer, from its ripstop scabbard. The realm remains unencumbered by debt and grails.

Jabba the Twitt

November 8, 2020

Meanwhile, at the Twitt House. …

“Forgive me, Your Extreme Loathsomeness, but there’s a moving van out front, Vader has signed on with Cotton 2024, and the Emperor isn’t returning our calls.”

Fly-Pence 2024?

October 8, 2020

Hat tip to the inimitable B. Kliban.

“Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects … don’t have politics. They’re very … brutal. No compassion, no compromise.” — Seth Brundle, “The Fly”

Ain’t that some shit?

September 10, 2020

There is no truth to the rumor that the Albuquerque Police Officers Association threw a parade for Chief Mike Geier upon learning he had been forced out as ’Burque’s top cop.

Hot links

August 29, 2020

Technology can’t solve all our problems.

“Elon Musk shows Neuralink brain implant working in a pig.”

No, not that pig. More’s the pity.

Mount Flushmore

August 11, 2020

Going down? Don’t you wish. …

Add Adolf Twitler to Mount Rushmore? No, thanks.

Perhaps some smaller sculpture, in a more appropriate location. Think of it as an oversized and especially unattractive urinal cake.

 

Glide path

June 28, 2020

“On your left! On your LEFT! ON YOUR LEFT, GODDAMNIT! AIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!”
2018 file photo by Chuck Jagermeister

Turns out it was a glider pilot who augured in yesterday near the Menaul trailhead, a spiky area from which Herself and I have collected ouchy souvenirs of various ground-level mishaps.

“Get the tweezers, Bactine, and whiskey, hon’, we got a long day ahead of us.”