Category: Cheap gags

See Cruz

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 5 Comments
We report, you decide.
We report, you decide.

OK, I think I’ve got this whole Ted Cruz/five women thing figured out:

• One to sprinkle pepper on his crotch.

• One to listen for the poor little thing to sneeze.

• One to locate it through the magnifying glass.

• One to grab it with the tweezers.

• And, of course, one to leak the whole sordid tale to the National Enquirer.

Oo-ee … oo-ee, baby. …

Spring has sprung

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 5 Comments
Vern would be pleased.
Vern would be pleased.

Welcome to the earliest vernal equinox since 1896, according to EarthSky.

The vernal equinox is named for Vern, the ancient Roman god of aeration. The illegitimate offspring of the lesser deities Benadryl, god of drying up, and Kleenex, god of mopping up, Vern (like Your Humble Narrator) had a small but entirely deranged following; his was dedicated to perforating nouns, which is to say people, places and things. Especially people.

The conspirators who did for Julius Caesar were all dedicated Vernalites, though they claimed afterward that their knifework was intended to permit vital fluids to gain entrance rather than draining them.

Indeed, among the Vernalites a certain belligerent thickheadedness was considered a blessing rather than a curse, and today we can find their descendants manning customer-service “help” desks, hosting the morning drive-time “zoo” at local radio stations, and running for president on the GOP ticket.