Dumb and dumber

Stick a microphone in John McInsane’s face and something mind-numbingly stupid will pop out of his mouth. Guaran-fuckin’-tee. The senator (R-Asylum) is like a jukebox that only plays one tune — the Horst Wessel song.

Chiming in on the arrest of a suspect in the attempted Times Square bombing, this fine legal mind opined on the Don Imus show: “Don’t give this guy his Miranda rights until we find out what it’s all about.”

No, Numbnuts, the U.S. Constitution is not merely advisory, like a stop sign in Bibleburg. You don’t get to tear it up every time some dingbat tries to blow a bunch of us up. Not if he’s an American citizen. Not even if he’s a brown American citizen. Jesus. You’d think a guy who spent a few years in a cage getting beaten into a confession would have figured it out by now.

And Traitor Joe Liederkrantz (I-Cheesedick) is no better. This tool wants to strip Americans of their citizenship and constitutional rights should they “choose to become affiliated with foreign terrorist organizations.”

Who gets to decide what constitutes a “foreign terrorist organization,” Joe? Let’s hope it’s not you, you sanctimonious sack of shit. Listening to you and of the GOPers you pal around with, I get the idea that being a member of the Democrat Party might qualify.

Remember when these tinhorns squeak that the U.S. Senate was once considered the greatest deliberative body in the world.

Que triste es la vida

That explosion in violent crime along the U.S.-Mexico border everyone keeps talking about? You know, the one related to illegal immigration? Uh, seems there isn’t one, no matter what Sen. John McSame, Gov. Klan Brewer and the rest of Arizona’s xenophobic nitwits say.

According to The Arizona Republic‘s Dennis Wagner, “FBI Uniform Crime Reports and statistics provided by police agencies, in fact, show that the crime rates in Nogales, Douglas, Yuma and other Arizona border towns have remained essentially flat for the past decade, even as drug-related violence has spiraled out of control on the other side of the international line. Statewide, rates of violent crime also are down.”

Gosh, imagine that. Republicans lying through their pearly whites for political purposes. Who’da thunk it?

Arise, ye prisoners

Two, four, six, eight, organize to smash the State!
Two, four, six, eight, organize to smash the State!

It’s May Day, kiddies, and I want to see each and every one of you out in the streets today, smashing the State.

Alas, I will not be able to participate as I have a bad back (solidarity, brothers). Also, I have to work. Damn The Man! But if it weren’t for me nobody would know that Jacob Keough (UnitedHealthcare-Maxxis) and Theresa Cliff-Ryan (Colavita-Baci) won last night’s Spartanburg Downtown Criterium. It is a weighty responsibility indeed, yet it is a burden I bear gladly, because booze, food and bike parts cost money and this is how I get some. You’re welcome.

Meanwhile, it’s just above freezing outside and I fear for my tulips. Also my cycling. Our local cage-liner anticipates a soggy, snowy May, so those of you planning to tackle the Iron Horse on Memorial Day weekend better do your training in a meat locker somewhere so you can get used to the feeling of freezing your tits off during a pointless exercise in oxygen deprivation, pain management and altitude sickness.

Me, I’ll be sitting right here, posting a story about it. You’re welcome.

Can we please deport these guys?

Plenty of battiness in the GOP belfry lately. Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) wants to deport American citizens, as in the U.S.-born children of undocumented immigrants. Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) wonders whether the district represented by Rep. Raul Grijalva has been ceded to Mexico. Another Iowan, GOP congressional candidate Pat Bertroche, wants to implant microchips in illegals. And Colorado gubernatorial hopeful Scott McLobbyist thinks Arizona’s fascist immigration law is just peachy.

Have graying Yippies finally infiltrated the GOP? Or it it just that the lead in those Chinese-made flag lapel pins is wreaking havoc with their teensy brainpans?

Greenhouse gasps

Button up.
Button up.

Linda Greenhouse, who writes about the Supreme Court and the law for The New York Times, says she won’t be visiting Arizona again “as long as it remains a police state, which is what the appalling anti-immigrant bill that Gov. Jan Brewer signed into law last week has turned it into.”

Greenhouse — a Pulitzer Prize winner who teaches at Yale Law School — warns that all the soothing jabber about “reasonable suspicion” and “lawful contact” is so much chin music, a scanty “fig leaf of reassurance,” given that this odious law provides that a person “is guilty of trespassing by being present on any public or private land in this state” while lacking authorization to be in the United States, which she says creates “a new crime of breathing while undocumented,” a lighter shade of DWB (Driving While Black).

She goes on to say that while it’s by no means a safe bet, given the current roster of the Supremes, pre-emption by the federales seems to be the best line of attack, noting that high-court precedents “make clear that immigration is a federal matter and that the Constitution does not authorize the states to conduct their own foreign policies.”

In the meantime, she proposes that “the good people of Arizona — and anyone passing through — walk the streets of Tucson and Phoenix wearing buttons that say: “I Could Be Illegal.'”

That ought to punch their buttons.