Archive for the ‘Deep political thought’ Category

Super, heroes

December 11, 2019

“Just one more thing. …”
Photo hijacked from the Internet. So impeach me already.

So this is impeachment.

With just two counts at the moment — basically, being a dick and punking Congress — it feels a lot like a cop catching one of the FBI’s Most Wanted driving a stolen Brinks truck full of automatic weapons, fentanyl, and dead teenagers, and then warning the guy about a busted taillight and waving him on before getting back to his donut.

I’m not sure this is gonna be must-see TV for a viewing audience grown fat on “Watchmen,” “Avengers: Endgame” and “Crisis on Infinite Earths.” It’s more like Mickey Mouse.

And anyway, seriously, fuck a bunch of Batman. I think a lot of us would settle for Columbo right about now.

Watch, man

December 10, 2019

Funny, I always thought Dr. Manhattan was blue.

He must be loving this shit.

He’s a walking, talking cartoon character with incalculable power who lives for TV, and impeachment is unfolding like episodes in an HBO series. The orange Dr. Manhattan* won’t take the stage until the end is nigh.

What next? Don’t touch that dial! Stay tuned!

* In the original Watchmen comic, of course, Dr. Manhattan went to Vietnam … and won the war. He also ran around mostly butt-nekkid, but let’s not think about that with this version.

Nolo cojones

December 6, 2019

What a blockhead.

Gosh. Il Douche won’t mount any sort of defense as the House Judiciary Committee contemplates articles of impeachment.

Imagine my surprise.

I don’t suppose it has anything to do with knowing that he’d come out looking like a purse dog that went three rounds with the Hound of the Baskervilles.

No, better he should stay all bunkered up, hiding behind various knaves, minions, and varlets, tweeting like a hyperactive budgie, and wait until The Turtle can run interference for him in the Senate, where he has the home-field advantage.

I’d like to have the lip-balm and breath-mint concessions at that ass-kissing contest. A couple days of the big money and I could retire, is what.

Of artists and safety nets

November 13, 2019

No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a story in the Colorado Springs Sun, mentioning President Nixon, written by Your Humble Narrator in the Year of Our Lord 1974.

Thank Cthulhu I’m not an artist like Russell Chatham. We hacks have a safety net.

Here’s mine: This past weekend, Herself signed me up to start collecting Socialist Insecurity payments beginning in March 2020. If I live that long, and assuming that Agent Orange doesn’t redirect all SS monies to his Wall or his wallet, I will receive a princely sum indeed, each and every month.

After accounting for inflation, it’s roughly equal to what I was paid as a copy boy back in 1974, when I first got into the writing racket.

I figure I can score a used Chevy Express 1500 for about 12 large. The monthly payments should take about 18 percent of my income, which sounds about right. The camping gear I’ve already got.

And parking down by the river? It’s free! Winning!

Stations of the Double Cross

October 31, 2019

One more step along the way for Cheezwhiz Heist.

He’ll probably get away with crucifixion. Yeah. First offense.

 

Hot and cold

October 30, 2019

The backyard maple is giving up the ghost, just in time for Halloween.

Elections should not be held as the days grow shorter, darker and colder.

One is not inclined toward optimism or fellowship as the furnace begins clicking, on and off, on and off. Our better selves are very much not in evidence. What we’re thinking about is not how we might strive together to build a brighter future, but rather which of our neighbors we would kill and eat first when the power goes out, the grocery stores have been stripped of toothsome tidbits, and the backyard gardens have been grazed down to the bedrock.

Which is the scenic route toward saying, yeah, I punched the buttons that activate the Compound’s heating systems last night. Also, and moreover, I am wearing pants this morning. The horror … the horror.

But at least I am in my own house, unlike at least one of my people out in Santa Rosa. My man Merrill has fled south to his brother’s pad in Hell A, which may be called an improvement only because Hell A is not currently on the barbie. Yet.

When last heard from, Mayor Chris was sheltering in place and continuing his bid to become Commissioner Chris. More from that smoke-filled room as I hear it.

One wonders about the mood of the electorate in Sonoma County. If PG&E were a candidate for anything other than a vigorous tarring and feathering I would predict a massive beating that would make Nixon-McGovern look like a friendly rub-and-tug in a Healdsburg hot tub.

But who knows? The People are a fickle bunch, and winter is coming. They might just elect PG&E president.

Slouching toward impeachment

October 8, 2019

Get on with it!

 

‘Off with his head!’

September 30, 2019

What a card.

That old queen is at it again, this time questioning whether the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Rep. Adam B. Schiff, should be arrested for treason. For, y’know, like, being a big ol’ blue meanie, an’ stuff.

What next?

September 25, 2019

Article 2, Section 4.

Old-timers slumped around the Mad Dog cracker barrel will know the impeachment drill from the Clinton and Nixon days.

That said, even us whitebeards can use a bit of continuing education to stay sharp, and political veterano Ed Kilgore provides a useful explainer of our current situation over to New York Magazine, which was just snapped up by Vox Media (another one bites the dust).

The New York Times has another, this one from Charlie Savage.

The Washington Post has one, too, but it feels less authoritative, especially since it suggests that Ginger Hitler could run for re-election if impeached and removed. Article 1, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution seems pretty clear on that topic when it states: “Judgment in cases of impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor, trust or profit under the United States. …”

It’s worth noting, however, that one rarely finds high-priced shysters with a specialty in constitutional law blogging about politics in their skivvies at dark-thirty when they could be logging billable hours. In the unlikely event that the Senate gives Il Douche the shove, I would not be in the least surprised to find them stopping short of the disqualification portion of Article 1, Section 3.

Shit, they might award him a gold watch, a ticker-tape parade, and a teary rub-and-tug by Sean Hannity.

First day of the fall

September 23, 2019

“The State? Yeah, that’s me. What of it?”

Can we please impeach His Execration now? His Louis XIV act grows wearisome.