Category: Deep political thought

The Shart-Timer

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 1 Comment
“I gotta start wearing rubber undies.” Photograph doctored after being poached from Jim Lo Scalzo | EPA

Well, it seems Will D. Defendant won one and lost one today. He found a sucker to bond him out of some deep doo-doo in one case, but his relentless punching down at the Little People got a gag order expanded in another.

As The New York Times is fond of reminding us (those teases): “If Mr. Trump violates the order, the judge could impose fines, and in extraordinary circumstances, throw him behind bars.” Be still, my heart.

Meanwhile, is it just me, or does the latest Squeaker of the House always look like he’s fighting off a wicked shart? I’d be doubling up on my Kevlar Depends, too, if the Redneck Baroness was piloting her Fokker pickup with its twin Spandaus trained on my six.

Paddywhacked

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments
A wee drink for the ould sod.

’Tis a fine soft St. Patrick’s Day morning so.

After a 24-hour sandblasting — I’m talking wind in the 30-mph area with gusts approaching 50 — we finally got a drop of rain to refresh the greenery without the need to crank up our irrigation system, tapping the invisible water that’s always in such short supply around here.

Now it appears to be snowing. Yay, etc.

Not snowing snowing, mind you. Not like it has been in Colorado or California. Hijo, madre. This borders on too much of a good thing, unless you’re a skier, or a yeti. Or perhaps an overdeveloped and underwatered desert community downstream from ski country.

What we’d like is a nice blanket that soaks into the sod before the wind can blow it to Hell. Water wizard John Fleck calls this “sublimation,” which means “the loss of snow straight to atmospheric drying without [it] ever having a chance to melt and make it to the rivers.”

As we speak, right on cue, here comes the wind again, as reliable as bad news from the campaign trail. We’re all doomed, some say. Proper fucked.

Well, the world ends for someone every day, yeah? A whole bunch of someones, most days. I’m not sure it helps to dwell overlong on when your turn might be coming round. Better, maybe, to spend that time seeing to it that the other guy’s parade is the one that gets rained on.

Will the defendant please … relax?

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 16 Comments
Here’s a pic of a cute lil’ kitty-cat to distract you from the other one.

Call me cynical (“You’re cynical!”), but I don’t think that other cat, the bedraggled, raggedy-ass orange tom that keeps slinking around the joint, yowling, spraying on the national furniture, and clawing the Stars & Stripes curtains into ribbons, is in danger of being put to sleep anytime soon.

Nossiree, he’s got himself a solid majority of black-robed laps in which to curl up while he awaits delivery of The Big Fish, the one that got away on Jan. 6, 2021.

Fuck me running.

Meanwhile, the playacting continues. Government shutdown: Will they or won’t they? Dueling VIP visits to The Border, that deadly, open-air, razor-wired waiting room where all the brown foreigners go to apply for the jobs nobody else wants. The Senate leadership following the House down the rabbit hole to Wonderland. Gaza. Ukraine. “Dynamic pricing” at Wendy’s.

And now, this: Is a president a king?

I thought we settled that question back in 1776. But as I recall, that king required a few years of rather aggressive convincing before he conceded the point.

What’s old is … well, old

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 7 Comments
Heeeeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaaack. … Matt Wilson/Comedy Central’s The Daily Show

We didn’t watch Jon Stewart’s return to “The Daily Show” last night, because we don’t subscribe to Comedy Central.

We do have Paramount, which apparently will air his Monday musings on Tuesdays, if they didn’t just lay off whoever was responsible for throwing that particular switch.

As former members of the congregation I suppose we should check out the Resurrection. Herself and I were both fans of Stewart’s first go-round at TDS, though she was less enamored of his stint on Apple TV+. She still likes Stephen Colbert, too, though I prefer his alter ego from “The Colbert Report.”

In a chat with “CBS Mornings” yesterday Stewart said he wanted a platform from which he could sound off on the 2024 elections, a wish that apparently had Apple TV+ a wee bit nervous and probably helped croak his struggling “The Problem with Jon Stewart” show.

Said Stewart: “I just thought, who better to comment on this election than someone who truly understands two aging men past their prime?”

That’s good shit there, as was his opening salvo last night: “Welcome to ‘The Daily Show!’ My name is Jon Stewart! Now … where was I?”

With only one day in the hot seat per week he shouldn’t have any trouble coming up with material — shoveling sand against the tide would seem a doddle by comparison — and lord knows we could all use a few laughs.

Dig in, old fella. And remember, lift with your legs.