Another Tuesday, another primary

February 28, 2012February 28, 2012 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 13 Comments

If this is Tuesday, then it must be another GOP primary, and the race between the sweater-vestmented reincarnation of Torquemada and a Terminator built on spec’ by a couple of laid-off Rambler mechanics has been too close to call.

But tonight there will be a winner and … a winner?

Rick Sanctimonious’ handlers are already on record as saying that they’ve won in Michigan and Arizona, regardless of whether their man actually wins.

Which he won’t — not in Arizona, anyway, where CNN called it for the RomneyBot 2012 before I finished my second beer this evening.

Michigan apparently remains up for grabs, in no small measure because anyone can play in the GOP primary there, and the Donks are queering the pitch by turning out for Frothy Mix, who has encouraged their participation against the RomneyBot 2012 via the irony of robocalls.

Some Donks think Torquemada v2.0 will be easier for the prez to flog in the general; others clearly have been driven completely insane by seeing these two wealthy honkies crisscrossing the state like gold-plated drones, each claiming to speak for the working man.

I probably won’t follow this nightmare to its conclusion this evening because there won’t be one. The Four Stooges will battle on through Super Tuesday at least, and there will be plenty of opportunity to bring the snark between now and then.

In the meantime, here’s the current occupant of the Oval Office addressing the United Auto Workers Annual Conference. Say what you will about the guy — he makes the rest of the applicants for the job look like the Deltas overestimating their popularity with Otis Day and the Knights in “Animal House.” *

* And yes, I know that the GOP lot are much more Omega Theta Pi than Delta Tau Chi. I was just reaching for the whole getting-your-privileged-ass-kicked thing.

• Late update: The nets have called Michigan for the RomneyBot as well. Gold-plated human-cyborg-relations droids everywhere cheer.

Tahoe, Sacramento and excremento

February 25, 2012February 25, 2012 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 22 Comments

Chevy Tahoe — Dig the giant hunk of Detroit iron Herself is driving to Function Junction. And yes, the Death Star is a rental, not a keeper. I've lived in smaller houses.

Ahh … another Saturday unsullied by work for vampire capitalists. Doesn’t pay worth a damn, but it has its advantages nonetheless.

For example, today we’re looking at a high in the mid-50s, which strikes me as pretty good cycling weather. And there are containers of freshly made green chile sauce, chili con carne and vegetable beef soup in the ’fridge, so the day’s eating is more or less taken care of — assuming I don’t decide to assemble some chicken enchiladas to slide under that green chile come dinnertime.

The trick will be to stay far away from the computer, wherein all the evil tidings dwell. There remain four red-ass baboons running for the GOP pestilential nomination — ook ook ook chee chee chee! — and they are flinging dung at each other with a will in advance of Tuesday’s primaries in Arizona and Michigan.

There’s plenty to do around here without all that smelly old shit. Herself is off to Function Junction for a couple of days to handle some library business, and Bouncing Buddy Banzai the Spinning Japanese Wonder Chin has managed to FUBAR his right eye, which requires the application of various pills and potions, and eventually surgery.

Poor little dude has not had much luck with the medicos. Neither have we. Every time we take him to the vet I hear the sound of someone’s Mercedes payment being made. Cha-ching!

Once Herself gets back, I’m off — to the North American Handmade Bicycle Show in Sacramento. Never been to one before and I’m looking forward to it, if only because I’m in dire need of a road trip, some sort of Gathering of the Tribes. Plus there will be editors there, and occasionally where one finds editors, one finds paying work.

What I’d really like to do is hit the Arizona desert for a week of running and riding. But since that pays, um, not at all, an actual play date may have to wait until I unearth another patron of the velo-arts or two or three.

It’ll certainly have to wait until after the primary. You couldn’t pay me to set foot in the state until someone’s policed up all that GOP poo.

Where’s the beef?

February 22, 2012February 22, 2012 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 16 Comments

There's the beef — Burgers and T-bones and chuck, O my!

This is what a steer looks like after the people who know its people get hungry and descend upon it, brandishing checkbooks.

Herself and I were share owners in this steer, along with a few other folks who were better acquainted with him, and after a quick out-and-back to Crusty County one-eighth of him resides in our freezer alongside a half-dozen quart bags of Pueblo chile. I foresee a synergy between the two in the very near future.*

Thinking about, acquiring, preparing and consuming food helps keep my mind off the ongoing clown show that is American presidential politics. Rick Sanctimonious is getting wiggier by the minute, practically a character in a Monty Python skit about the Spanish Inquisition. And don’t get me started on the RomneyBot 2012. Last machine I saw perform this erratically was a 1996 Ford F-150. It wound up in a ditch, and I wound up back in a Toyota.

* I actually started this post yesterday and didn’t get around to slapping it up until today. Thus the Larga Vista Ranch chile has already become acquainted with the Crusty County beef in the form of a very tasty pot of chili con carne.

SweaterFest 2012 comes to Bibleburg

February 7, 2012February 7, 2012 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 16 Comments

The would-be Sweater Vest-in-Chief, Rick “Man On Dog” Santorum, is bringing his clown act back to Bibleburg this morning.

The Frothy One has garnered the endorsement of fundamentalist windbag Jimmy Dobson and other local wingnuts and is expected to do well here in today’s caucus because the Bibleburg wing of the GOP loves nothing better than some bad noise from a pudgy loser (yes, I’m looking at you, Dougie Bruce).

In fact, if the pope’s bestest little soldier cares to stick around until the 13th, he can catch Bruce’s sentencing for his conviction upon (among other things) filing a false return, evading state taxes, attempting to influence a public servant and failing to file returns between 2005 and 2010. Good times.

Meanwhile, the venue for today’s SweaterFest seems appropriate. It’s The Depot, a failed restaurant turned “events center” that’s conveniently located just a stone’s throw from the Marion House Soup Kitchen, which serves the refugees from our last Republican administration.

Very few sweater vests in that congregation, the members of which are still waiting for life to begin after conception.

Petri dished

February 2, 2012February 2, 2012 ~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 12 Comments

The Petri amendment to restore Transportation Enhancements to the American Energy and Infrastructure Jobs Act has failed by just two votes, 29-27.

Arguments that walking and cycling are legitimate modes of transportation worthy of federal support fell on deaf ears in the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee.

Rep. Tom Petri (R-Wis.), noting that his amendment was supported by the National Association of Realtors and the National Heart Association, said bike and pedestrian projects “add value to our neighborhoods” and provide “a balance to our national transportation program.”

Rep. Dan Lipinski (D-Ill.) added that increased walking and cycling would reduce congestion on American roads.

“This is not just throwing something out for recreation. This is truly transportation,” he said. “We have to recognize that we’re never going to build enough roads to accommodate everyone. We need to encourage people to be taking other forms of transportation.”

But Rep. Bill Shuster (R-Penn.) said the cuts to bike-ped funding were “fundamental” to reforming the nation’s transportation program.

“Spending money on bike paths is nice, but it’s a community-based function,” he said. “It’s not for the federal government up here in Washington to tell states that they must spend these monies.”

Uh huh. Rep. Nick Rahall (D-W.Va), ranking Democrat on the committee, noted that the 845-page bill was introduced just a few days before markup and asked for those who had read the entire measure to raise their hands. Asked how many hands he saw, Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-Ore.) replied, “I can’t count that low.”

So just what is it that the federal government is supposed to do? Beyond straining at gnats and swallowing camels, that is?

Category: Deep political thought