La Niña, the pintos and Santa Maria!

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 21 Comments

In hopes of placating La Niña, who has been a windy bitch lately, I spent the afternoon simmering a pot of pintos in chipotle.

While that was going on I made a quick red chile sauce, browned a bit of Ranch Foods Direct’s mild Italian sausage with a handful of diced onion and assembled a smallish baking dish of rolled enchiladas, each containing a couple tablespoons of sausage sprinkled with extra-sharp cheddar. I slathered the lot with the chile, covered the dish with foil and slid the sucker into the oven.

After 20 minutes at 350 I withdrew the dish, sprinkled the enchiladas with a generous handful of Monterey Jack and returned them to the oven, this time uncovered and under the broiler, to brown and crisp the cheese.

By the time the enchiladas were toasty the beans were done. There was some leftover posole in the ’fridge but I said to hell with that and went with a side of shredded red-leaf lettuce and diced tomatoes slathered in olive oil with a little salt and pepper.

No football was harmed in the making of this meal. In fact, no football was involved. Who the hell watches football when he can watch beans and enchiladas?

The Lizard King

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 24 Comments
Emperor Newt
"I'm still waiting for my Laurel ... but I'll settle for a Trixie. Or perhaps that saucy Romney fellow. ...""

The nets are calling it for Newt, and one wonders whether it’s too late to throw up a huge, nuclear-powered electric fence around South Carolina. They’d probably like it just fine, and God knows the rest of us need it.

My man Charles Pelkey, who has actually worked in DeeCee as press secretary to Sen. Alan Simpson (R-Wyo.), notes on Facebook that the upside of what Charles Pierce is calling “The South Carolina Primary of Resistance” is that it gives Gingrich confidence — “and the more confidence (hubris?) he enjoys, the crazier shit he says.”

Indeed. As Newt of all people should know, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” And you just know that the press corps — along with various opposition researchers — are following the Colossal Head around like a bad smell, hoping to catch him and Callista in a Motel 6 shackup with a Communist midget, a Log Cabin Republican and a black goat.

Mitt? Newt? Well, Mitt screwed more workers. …

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 13 Comments

South Carolinians are polishing their tinfoil beanies and adjusting their Confederate flag lapel pins for today’s big GOP primary, in which the serial adulterer is widely expected to slap the Valvoline smack out of the vulture capitalist’s coiffure.

Indeed, the RomneyBot is already rebooting for what Talking Points Memo suggests will be “a tougher than anticipated” primary contest.

The Post and Courier in Charleston is live-blogging the festivities if you’d like to drill down through the smarty-pants Noo Yawk punditry to hear what actual people are saying. For example, Joseph Patterson voted for Rick Santorum because it “seems like he loves the Lord.” Meanwhile, John Davis went to the wrong precinct but plans to vote for Ron Paul just as soon as he finds the right one. Good times.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 15 Comments
Rick Perry
"OK, lessee here. I got a boot fulla pee. Directions printed on the heel, y'say? Aw, c'mon, Newt old buddy, gimme a hand here."

In heaven, Molly Ivins smiles: Gov. Goodhair will be taking his carefully coiffed clown act off the national stage and slinking back to the Lone Star State (sorry ’bout that, all y’all in Austin).

The contest for the Pachyderms’ pestilential nomination has been particularly feeble this time around, like watching a herd of blind pigs try to find an acorn buried deep in their sty, and it’s caused me to consider whether we need a knucklehead tax on would-be candidates.

Here’s how it would work. If you are so woefully ill-prepared to hold high public office that thoughtful people snicker at the very sound of your name, you still get to run — this is America, after all, despite the Kenyan Muslim socialist occupying the White House — but should you drop out because you can only muster the level of support one might expect from a Nazi at a bar mitzvah, the fund-raising ceases at once, the debt comes due with a vengeance, and you have to pay back every dime contributed to your campaign by people who, frankly, should have known better.

True, it’s something of a poll tax. But it’s levied against candidates, not voters. And it would be a net job creator, too, because all the late-night talk shows would have to rehire their writers instead of just running with Associated Press copy.

Drop the SOPA

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 8 Comments
Doug Lamborn
Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-Slops) was unavailable for comment.

I briefly considered blacking out the DogS(h)ite in solidarity with Drop the SOPA Day, then decided against it. This ill-conceived legislation is not of your doing. So why punish you, Dear Readers, by denying you my whizdumb in these dark days?

Instead, I contacted one of our senators, Mark Udall, via his website, and thanked him for opposing the Senate’s version of the House’s Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), called the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA).

Alas, the websites of Rep. Doug Lamborn and Sen. Michael Bennet — a co-sponsor of PIPA who is suddenly reconsidering his support — were FUBAR for some reason (pirates off the port bow, arr?). Happily, Bennet seems to be getting the message without further prodding from me, and talking to Lamborn is a complete and utter waste of time, right up there with trying to teach a Yorkshire pig to whistle “The Internationale.”

The call for an Innertubes blackout has proven problematical, according to The Christian Science Monitor — while thousands of sites are said to be participating, with Wikipedia and Reddit the biggest digital dogs on that virtual porch, others are staying up while linking to more information about the legislation and its opponents.

That made sense to me, so here I am in all my link-dispersing, informative glory. You’re welcome.