Two for two

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 4 Comments
Mia Sopaipilla has resolved to quit decking the holiday ornaments, in no small measure because we're putting them away.
Mia Sopaipilla has resolved to quit decking the holiday ornaments, in no small measure because we're putting them away.

It’s the first Friday of the New Year, and while I ordinarily loathe and despise resolutions (mostly because I can’t keep them), I’m going to try very, very hard in 2009 to (a) ride the bike more, and (2) write more online columns for VeloNews.com.

So far, so good. I rode yesterday and today, and banged out a New Year’s Dog Breath for the VeloSnoozers. You needn’t bother looking it up, unless you’re interested in seeing how a blog post (yesterday’s) metastasizes into a column. No, I take that back. We need the eyeballs. Click on over there straight away and then report back to me.

(Intermission)

Back so soon? Damn, that one must’ve really sucked. Of course, you’d already seen most of the good bits in the trailer, but still, damn. Whaddaya want for free? Next time you’re in the neighborhood, buy some Fat Guy jerseys, f’chrissakes. Scotch isn’t getting any cheaper, y’know.

Hot ‘cross buns

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 1 Comment
The fabled Brown Stripe of Cyclo-cross, up the bag and onto the booty.
The fabled Brown Stripe of Cyclo-cross, up the bag and onto the booty.

New Year’s Day. Late arising for some reason. Check the trash for dead soldiers. Christ, it looks like the Battle of Verdun in there. Thank God we had the good sense to leave the sparkling wine corked.

I am in the midst of preparing a massive American breakfast when Dr. Schenkenstein phones to propose cycling somewhere, on ‘cross bikes, within the hour. We can do that. We don’t even need a reason, though breaking fast with a skillet full of eggs, peppers, potatoes and ham after an evening’s debauchery certainly provides one.

Off we roll, me feeling mildly retarded and wildly overdressed. The computer said 47 but those things lie. It’s the usual route, north on the bike path into the Air Force Academy and back, and the warmish weather has yet to completely melt several sheets of ice coating this and that, which makes for some nervous moments, particularly on descents.

My neural network being slightly jangled, I actually walk one of these treacherous pitches, which proves even sketchier than trying to ride it. But I figure I’ll be much slower and closer to the ground if I spaz out, and thus won’t T-bone some iPlodder focused on his playlist in the blind corner at mid-descent.

The rest of the ride unfolds without incident, and once we are into the academy ice gives way to mud and damp sand. Now I have two ‘cross bikes in dire need of cleaning. Happily, I have three more in the rotation before it’s off to the car wash with a bucket, rags and brushes, pockets packed with quarters.

On the eve of a new year

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 8 Comments

Soon 2008 will be in our collective rear-view mirror, and good riddance, says I. Adios, motherfucker. For the first time since January 2000 the world can look forward to a United States that isn’t hagridden by a clique of junior-varsity fascists bent on making the world safe for their bidness buddies and a bloody nightmare for everyone who doesn’t know their Secret Handshake.

I don’t envy Barack Obama. Sure, he asked for the gig, but cleaning up after The Decider has to be the worst janitorial job since Heracles tackled the Augean Stables. We’re not talking a fresh coat of paint and some air freshener here — more like dump truck after dump truck full of stinking sludge and toxic waste.

So when you’re celebrating this evening, raise a glass to the president-elect. His new year is not likely to be a happy one.

And on a lighter note, for a look back at the year in cycling, pop on over to VeloNews.com. I’ve posted all my editorial cartoons from 2008.

News you can’t use

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 11 Comments

If David Wright still had a wife he’d have someone to tell him he is insane for wanting to piss away a few mil’ on Singular, a magazine targeting the single crowd with “advice, travel suggestions and profiles of unmarried people who travel to Tonga, collect vintage sex manuals and play polo when not performing acupuncture.”

The only people writer Alana Semuels quoted in this Los Angeles Times article are over 50. Yeah, there’s a growing demographic for you; 50-somethings with money to burn. How ’bout a sister publication — Shit for Brains: The Journal Proving That Wealth Can’t Buy Smarts?

Speaking of the endless human capacity for self-delusion, Laura Bush and Condi Rice say history will reveal the true greatness of the Bush presidency. Uh huh. Here’s Steve Benen at Political Animal:

It must be comforting for Bush, Rice, and other top officials in the administration to think this way. It’s no doubt frustrating to wake up every morning, and go to work knowing that you’re reviled by most of the public, here and around the world. If you can convince yourself that you’ll be appreciated years from now, it probably takes the edge off.

But that doesn’t make it true. Indeed, wishful thinking about history’s judgment, in the midst of widespread failures in every aspect of government — foreign policy, economic policy, constitutional policy, domestic policy, environmental policy — borders on delusional.

Remember the end of the Clinton administration? How the Repugs were gloating about the adults finally being in charge for a change? Whatever happened to those wise old heads, anyway? This crowd apparently still believes in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny — and thinks all three of them are retarded.

iToons for iPhones?

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 2 Comments
Coming from a magazine to a cell phone near you?
Coming from a magazine to a cell phone near you?

As newspapers circle the bowl, features syndicates circle the wagons and think about new delivery systems for the comic strip. Some strips are already archived online, with social networking add-ons and RSS feeds, but the next big thing is likely to be comics delivered straight to your phone, says Uclick CEO Douglas Edwards in a chat with The New York Times. Writes Leslie Berlin:

In the last two months, Uclick has placed several bets on the iPhone, which Mr. Edwards says is a good platform for comics because it has a relatively large screen that makes text easier to read. Uclick sells comics-themed wallpaper and animations for cellphones. In November, the company began selling graphic novels on iTunes.

Last week, Andrews McMeel Universal introduced a new version of its free GoComics Web site, optimized for the iPhone. GoComics has many of the same features as Comics.com, as well as a pay-to-post area for emerging cartoonists called Comics Sherpa. Mr. Edwards says GoComics is profitable but declines to give specific figures.

Should be interesting. The only cartoonist I follow regularly is Pat Oliphant, and his work is hard enough to decipher on a 22-inch Viewsonic monitor, especially the snide asides from Puck the penguin (who is Oliphant speaking for himself rather than on behalf of an editorial board). Edwards may be able to deliver Oliphant to my phone, but that’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to figure out what he’s on about.