Tag: Elmer Gantry

The knuckle-draggers from Amen Corner

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 12 Comments

Christ, we get more bad shit out of Texas Republicans than a zoo vet does out of a whole herd of sick elephants.

The latest GOP dungheap will be accumulating at a ranch near Austin, where a gaggle of “social conservative leaders” — read “wealthy rednecks who either misconstrued Christ’s message or deliberately chose to pervert it” — will spend the weekend trying to decide whom they wish to assume the position before as the pestilential erection looms.

Ho, ho. As if it matters.

These self-righteous, sanctimonious pricks are in the same boat as we lefty-loonie, tree-hugging commies. When it comes to the big prom in November, we have no choice as regards dance partners.

Frankly, it’s an abusive relationship for both parties, the hard right and the hard left. Obama figures we’re not going anywhere, and whichever double-talking fascist finds himself out in front of the Tea Baggers, Elmer Gantrys and bow-tied Beltway boneheads knows he’s got that lot locked up.

It’s all about getting the base to the dance while also snagging the lion’s share of the so-called “independents,” who mostly have already made up their minds but won’t tell the pollsters.

So, yeah, “social conservative leaders,” good luck with that KKKaffeeklatch outside Austin. Will rubber chicken and plastic knives defeat a Chocolate Jesus? Stay tuned.

Our latest false prophet

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 19 Comments
"Yo, America, baby ... lookin' good, honey. Say, did I tell you? I'm taking back the civil-rights movement for right-wing honky boneheads. Yeah, it makes me horny, too."
"Yo, America, baby ... lookin' good, honey. Say, did I tell you? I'm taking back the civil-rights movement for right-wing honky boneheads. Yeah, it makes me horny, too. But I wish you'd wear that Lady Liberty getup I got for you at the adult bookstore. I know, I know — it was slightly used. 'Pre-owned,' the guy said. But it was cheap, and you know we can't add to the deficit."

Elmer Gantry, courtesy of Sinclair Lewis:

“Let me count this day, Lord, as the beginning of a new and more vigorous life, as the beginning of a crusade for complete morality and the domination of the Christian church throughout the land. Dear Lord, thy work is but begun! We shall yet make these United States a moral nation!”

And Glenn Beck, courtesy of (who else?) Glenn Beck:

“We are 12 hours away from fundamentally transforming the United States of America. And it has nothing to do with this city or politics. It has everything to do with God Almighty.”

The Gantry soliloquy comes at the end of the book. Let’s hope Beck’s tale is likewise coming to a close.