The two houses of our national legislature (Whore and Nut) are back on the job, and the feddle gummint is open for bidness. Through January, anyway.
As usual, the sage counsel of Winston Wolf applies.
Good news!
Tag: federal government shutdown
‘Vengeance is mine,” sayeth The Lard
The ever-vengeful Pumpkinhead has croaked $135 million worth of energy projects in the Land of Enchantment, part of his Punishment Tour of the Blue States.
A spokescreature for the Department of Energy said it had decided these projects did not “adequately advance the nation’s energy needs, were not economically viable, and would not provide a positive return on investment of taxpayer dollars.”
As one might expect, Sen. Ben Ray Luján, a Democrat, sees things differently.
“Let me be clear: President Trump is using his own shutdown as a tool for political retribution — targeting energy projects that create good-paying jobs and help lower costs for families. The president is taking jobs away from hardworking New Mexicans and jacking up costs for New Mexico families.”
The New Mexican‘s story wanders off to describe a few other effects of the federal-government shutdown on our fair state, from thousands of furloughs to unpaid salaries to parks left unattended and vulnerable to vandalism.
Well, the rest of the country has been left unattended and vulnerable to vandalism since Jan. 20. Why should the parks be any different?
Just another manic Monday
Maj. Whiskey Tango “Foxtrot” Sterno was said to be “crawling out of his skin” as the Warfighter in Chief prepared to address the brass hats he has ordered to assemble like so many raw recruits, reminding us not only of “The Caine Mutiny” but also “Lost Weekend.”
OK, so it’s The Daily Beast riffing on a piece from the Daily Mail. Not exactly the Word of God. But I’ll take good news wherever I can find it, especially on a Monday.
Speaking of good news, the clock is ticking to the first shutdown of the federal government in nearly seven years. This has been the goal of the Repuglicunts for as long as I can remember, which hardly makes it breaking news. But this time, who knows? It could stay shut down this time, and the generals and admirals would all have to travel back to their assignments via private transpo ho ho ho ho ho.
There will always be money to blow shit up, government or no government. But I wouldn’t want to be hanging by my nutsack waiting on a Social Security check.
Let them eat loans
Wilbur Ross, The Man in the $600 Embroidered Slippers, doesn’t understand why federal workers idled and/or unpaid by Darth Cheeto might choose to visit food banks instead of the other sort.
Well, for an appetizer, even idled and/or unpaid federal workers like to eat at least once a day.
For the main course, unlike regular banks, food banks don’t require collateral, charge interest or repo your lunchbox.
And finally, for dessert, idled and/or unpaid federal workers know they won’t have to look at some bogus billionaire wearing $600 embroidered slippers while doing business with the food bank.
Yes, yes, yes, it’s another low-fat, low-interest episode from Radio Free Dogpatch. Bon appétit.
And remember, Wilbur, the Big Dog always eats last.
PLAY RADIO FREE DOGPATCH
• Technical notes: This episode was recorded with a Shure SM58 mic and a Zoom H5 Handy Recorder and edited in Apple’s Garageband on a 2014 MacBook Pro. The background music is “Stay Away,” from www.zapsplat.com. That dog enjoying a meal comes from peridactyloptrix at www.freesound.org. And “Ahoy, polloi,” lifted from “Caddyshack” using Rogue Amoeba’s Audio Hijack.
Degrees of difficulty
Hmph. After six consecutive days of healthful outdoor exercise I thought I’d award myself a day of rest yesterday.
Should’ve kept an eye on the weather wizards. ’Cause today, it’s snowing again. Bah, etc.
Happily, I wrapped and shipped the latest “Quick Spin” video to Adventure Cyclist on Sunday, so I won’t have to check the integrity of those Jamis fenders today. Instead, I can go for a short run in the snow, see if I can find a new place to fall down.
And it could be worse. It could not be snowing in January, and come June I would be bitching about being on fire.
Or I could be an unpaid federal employee standing in line near the Trump International Hotel in DeeCee, waiting for some free food.
Radha Muthiah, president of the Capital Area Food Bank, tells The New York Times that her organization has had to reassess its targets, which now include people “making upward of $60,000 a year.”
“What was more interesting than the number were the types of calls: individuals who had never had to request food,” she said of those contacting the food bank. “Many had donated, but had never expected to be on the receiving end.
“What this experience is showing them is that so many of us live paycheck to paycheck. Any time of emergency — whether a medical emergency or something else — how quickly one can become vulnerable.”
Some federales are hunting other work, whatever they can find — babysitting, driving for Uber, substitute teaching. This may or may not keep other Americans from landing those jobs.
Notes FDA employee David Arvelo: “Who’s going to hire me not knowing how long I’m going to stick around?”
One common thread running through all these stories involves infernal combustion: people who suddenly can’t afford gas, insurance, car payments, whatever. The humble bicycle looks awfully good by comparison. Unless, of course, it’s snowing.
Mad Blog Media 