Tag: Gym Gollum (R-Wrestlemania)

Getting hammered

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 35 Comments
“Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.”

“We need to get to work for the American people. We need to get a Speaker as soon as possible. So instead of doing that I’m going to force vote after vote on my doomed wank-fest of a candidacy until whatever remains of the Marginally Sane Wing of the Republican Party hires undisputed WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns to yank my head off and place it in a glass jar to be displayed at the House Rostrum as a warning to other self-serving sociopathic bomb-throwing nihilists who couldn’t pass a bill if it were taped to a football but nonetheless might seek the gavel.”

I’m starting to think Thor couldn’t pick up this hammer.

Gym nauseam

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments
“We wants it, we needs it. Must have the Precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!”

Gym Gollum (R-Wrestlemania) may not be getting his Precious after all.

The wizards in DeeCee hint darkly that his high-pressure tactics — enlist an army of orcs and goblins to screech at various members of the House of Reprehensibles, their families, friends, and house pets — did not constitute what we in the rasslin’ game call “a submission hold.”

Asked for comment, a spokescreature for Sauron the Terrible hissed: “It’s the Cracks of Doom for this bozo. He could fuck up a One Ring circus.”