Tag: Halloween

Fall back/run away

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 8 Comments
A gloomy Nov. 1 follows a delightful Halloween. What the hell, we got an extra hour in the sack to start the month. Or did we?

Quite the Halloween we had here.

The weather was perfect — neither too cold nor too warm, and the anticipated rain never appeared. As a consequence we served what I think was a record number of trick-or-treaters before lights out, around 9 p.m.

Boo.

All manner of Burqueños rang our doorbell — young and old and in between, costumes ranging from casual to wildly elaborate, the mood celebratory throughout. Not at all the sort of mob one has to run from.

I choose to see it as an omen. A bunch of strangers sharing a moment, however briefly. See, it can be done. May the spirit endure.

We may yet get a puck in the gob from the gods, who seem intent on flogging us with a windy, watery cat-o’-nine-tails. It would be swell if they took a couple days off — like, through Election Day — but the trees are already dancing a jig so I’m not counting on it. Today may be another running opportunity, and perhaps tomorrow as well.

In any event, I need to get outside for a while. Sundays are when Herself does the serious housecleaning, and like Nature, I abhor a vacuum.

The misty mountains cold

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 3 Comments
Tonight’s trick-or-treaters will want their heavy cloaks. Even hairy-toed hobbits may opt for mukluks.

“Misty mountains cold” indeed. The Sandias are up there somewhere, I suppose. Whether they host a fire-breathing dragon squatting on dwarvish gold is someone else’s problem. It’s chilly enough down below and there are no Tooks in my bloodline.

Speaking of trials and tribulations, The New York Times says the Southwest is in for it again as a new storm system sets up to hose us down, sloppy seconds from former Hurricane Vance.

“Hurricane Vance?” Seriously? I knew there was something I didn’t like about that guy. Many somethings, actually, and this is just one more.

The last round of storms, says Colorado state climatologist Russ Schumacher, “should be considered among the most extreme storms in state history.”

And now we have another one rolling in, sharing a name with a smirking toady whose beard makes it look as though he’s sporting a second fat ass with three buttholes above his necktie, plus pistol-grip ears.

Well, shit. It is Halloween. Everybody’s gotta be somebody.

Stand and deliver

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments
Nothing says Halloween like a plug-in plastic punkin.

Anybody else having trouble getting a boner (har de har har) for Halloween?

I mean, masked strangers in scary costumes pounding on your door at dark-thirty? They don’t save that shit for Oct. 31 anymore, yo. It’s been ages since anyone demanded my papers. Shit, these days I don’t even own a pipe.

Anyway, yesterday I finally started making my All Hallows’ Eve preparations. The weatherbeaten strings of lights that we leave up year round, as the late, great Jinx’s Place in Bibleburg did with its Christmas ornaments, have finally achieved critical bulb shortage. So I took them down and as we speak I’m cobbling together a minimalist arrangement that involves less pine sap (fingers) and ladder usage (lower back and knees).

It’s always a crapshoot here at the bottom of the cul-de-sac, trying to predict how heavy a lift Halloween is going to be. Some years we get throngs; others, twos and fews.

Tell you what, though. If it turns out we draw nothing but ICEholes this time around there will be a lot of candy left over. We won’t give the sonsabitches shit other than name, rank and serial number.

Lights out

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 7 Comments
My impression of what an MRI of Pestilence Piggy’s noggin might reveal.

We pulled the plug(s) on the 2025-26 holiday season after breakfast this morning.

Herself boxed up all the small stuff — Bicycling Santa, Fat Cowboy Santa, Cat Santa, etc. — and then we disassembled and bagged the fake Christmas tree before dragging the unwieldy sonofabitch out to its corner of the garage, where the bicycles jeer at it.

“Ha ha, ha haaah, ha, you only get out once a year!”

Then I set about pulling down all the lights out front. I got a little carried away this year, adding a strand here and a strand there, until PNM sent us a thank-you card for using more power than the Coronado Center.

As a consequence, dismantling my creation took longer than I had expected, and by the time I started dragging all the bits and pieces back into the house the clouds were right behind me and splish, splash, my bike ride got rained out.

And yes, those are skulls you see in the pile there. Leftovers from Halloween that I decided to leave up for a while.

Far as I’m concerned, it’s still Halloween. It ain’t over until the last ghoul’s been staked and baked. And the White House is still possessed by devils.

Boo!

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 5 Comments
I always hate having my picture taken.

“My mommy always said there were no monsters — no real ones — but there are.” — Newt, in “Aliens”

Sing it, sister. I see one first thing every morning, if I dare to turn the lights on in the bathroom. And it follows me around all day, until I turn them out again.

Mama said there’d be days like this. I just didn’t think there’d be so many of them.

When did I stop ringing doorbells on Halloween and start answering them? Oh, Lord.

Thanks to outfits cobbled together by me sainted ma I have been a cowboy, Superman, and Mike Nelson from “Sea Hunt,” among other American icons. I even managed to talk mom into helping me suit up as Loadedman, a cartoon character I devised shortly before dropping out of college and going to work as a janitor.

She must’ve been so proud.

As an “adult” I have been a space pirate, Che Guevara, and once, memorably, Jesus H. Christ himself. Indeed, there was a time when I felt all that hair I was sporting limited not only my employment opportunities, but my costume options come All Hallows’ Eve.

All. That. Hair.

Sigh.

I didn’t know shit about limited options back then. Now the menu is down to a single item — basically, “Ugly-Ass Old Bald Dude.” The good news is, all I have to do for that one is get out of bed, take a leak, and put on some clothes.

In the dark, of course. Because there are monsters. I’ve seen them. They live in my bathroom mirror.