Aw, nuts

GOP senator testicles (actual size).

When it came to nut up or shut up, guess what Sens. John Cornyn of Texas and Thom Tillis of North Carolina did?

Lemme give you a hint: They won’t have any trouble hitting the high notes in choir come Sundays.

The two alleged senators had refused to bless Todd Blanche’s bid to rock The Big Chair at Justice unless the former mouthpiece for You Know Who committed in writing to (a) dropping a $1.8 billion slush fund for traitors, fart-sniffers, and ring-kissers, and (2) getting a hammerlock on the issuance of “Get Out of IRS Jail Free” cards for blood kin and pretty much anyone else with a whiff of damp, wrinkly ass on their breath.

And then hey presto! Blanche pops back with assurances scribbled on — hell, who knows what? One of Whiskey Pete’s bar tabs or Ka$h P’tui’s monogrammed buttfloss — and these two fold like Mar-a-Lago beach chairs in a category-five hurricane.

Killjoys dismiss Blanche’s assurances, written or otherwise, as “a political solution to a political problem, not a legally binding document.”

Quoth The New York Times:

“Law.” It is the hee, and also the haw. To this gang of brigands, it’s the law that is meaningless.

• Addendum: For more, see Talking Points Memo.

Bad cops! No donuts!

The KristiBot 9000 Special Robo-Cop Edition™ suffers a kernel panic.

Jesus H. Christ in a Salvadoran slammer, but these Junior G-Persons are even dumber than I thought.

And mind you, I thought they were plenty fuckin’ dumb.

So, former FBI director James Comey posts a pix of seashells on a beach arranged to spell “86 47,” the first two digits of which any old retired copy editor knows mean “refuse to serve” and/or “eject or ban.”

And Kristi Kreme, Tulsi Gobshite and Cash Patel get their tactical boxers in a Kevlar bunch and screech that he’s calling for Beelzebozo’s assassination and/or “issuing a hit” on him.

It’s like an unfunny reboot of “Get Smart,” with Mel Gibson at the helm instead of Mel Brooks. Linus had a better security blanket than this.