Judas Priest. Fabian Cancellara is a horse. And all those dudes who wouldn’t work in the first chase with Tom Boonen are horse’s asses. Racing for second? The honor of being first loser? Puh-leeze. Has Tomeke made a bunch of enemies all of a sudden? He can’t be boinking all their teen-age sisters.

Or maybe all that Peruvian marching powder has stripped the insulation from his cranial wiring, because he did say something spectacularly dim post-race for a guy who’s won Paris-Roubaix three times.

“I had just done some attacks of my own and was sitting at the back of the group trying to feed and keeping a check on the riders behind us,” said Boonen. “And then Cancellara just went.”

Indeed he did. And I never once saw him pay a single bit of attention to the riders behind him.