Tag: Ronnie “Hollywood” Raygun

In which the suckitude is minimized

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 11 Comments
The Soma Double Cross and I took five for a photo op’ at the foot of the climb to La Cueva Picnic Site.

Not everything sucks.

Case in point: I spent a couple hours on the ol’ bikey bike yesterday. And while the high temperature did not break the record of 83°, set in 2012, I found the observed high of 78° downright pleasant for the tail-end of March. Riding in shorts and short sleeves I was. Even had to break out the SPF 50 and the Pearl Izumi sun sleeves.

La Cueva Picnic Site has yet to open for the season. Being something of a scofflaw, I’ve been known to circumvent the barrier and ride the steep mile to the top anyway. But yesterday I gave it a miss. Still managed to bank 1,600 feet of vertical. So, winning, etc.

La Cueva is a reminder that the government is not always the problem. Listed in New Mexico’s Registry of Historic Places, it was the work of the Civilian Conservation Corps, part of FDR’s New Deal. According to the U.S. Forest Service:

There are stone picnic tables and structures built by master stoneworkers during the 1930s to blend seamlessly into the existing landscape. You will soon discover a rock pavilion that is hidden by the trees, plus other small structures sprinkled throughout the site. Keep your eyes open for picnic tables, vault toilets and fireplaces that are tucked away in nooks and crannies, throughout this site.

The pavilion, picnic tables, fireplaces, and toilets remain. But the road is in poor repair, which may be due to a lack of funds or part of a plan to keep vehicular speeds low. I know I tend to mind my manners on the descent. Shredding the gnar is one thing; shredding yourself is a whole other deal. Especially if the barrier’s down and the ambulance can’t get to you before you bleed out.

Remember La Cueva Picnic Area and the CCC whenever some fathead quotes that overdone ham Ronnie Reagan to you: “Government is not the solution to our problem, government is the problem.”

Even a blind pig finds an acorn. But it generally takes him a while. Forty-four years later Ronnie’s right on the money.

Changing Dicks in midscrew

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 25 Comments

Dick goes limp.
Dick goes limp.

Lest we forget, 39 years ago yesterday Tricky Dick beat it for San Clemency, fleeing DeeCee like a rat out of an aqueduct.

I was working for my first daily paper, the Colorado Springs Sun, and at the ripe old age of 20 it seemed to me that Nixon would be our nadir, president-wise. But then I had no idea that Ronnie “Hollywood” Raygun and George Armstrong Bush (Lone Star Air Force, ret.) were waiting in the wings.

Sometimes I think we’d be better served by instituting a draft for public office. Selective service. Instead of pissing away a ton of time and money on elections, a cumbersome democratic process for which we are clearly ill-equipped, we dump everyone’s Social Security number into a big hopper, and on prime time come Election Day, some Vanna White type starts pulling ’em out.

Start low, with the U.S. House (because, really, does it get any lower than the U.S. House?), and then work your way up. The last number pulled gets to be president for four years. One take, no do-overs.

Since this would be a no-choice deal, we wouldn’t have to provide any perks to attract the “talent.” So away with the fat paychecks and pensions — employees in our three branches of government will be paid whatever the median wage happens to be at the time ($827 per week in the first quarter of 2013). Away with the primo health care that none of the rest of us gets. And no more unproductive downtime spent flatbacking for campaign cash. Beggary is unseemly, especially when one sees so little return on the investment.

Ditto the lucrative post-public-service lobbying gigs. This will be defined as treason and treated as such. Please to return at once to your regular job chucking spuds at strangers through drive-up windows, Senator, if you’re fortunate enough to still have it. (This would have the salutary effect of redirecting our lawmakers’ attention from the theatrical to the practical.)

Sure,  even with a random lottery picking the leadership we’re still likely to get the occasional Anthony Penis in office, texting wiener pictures hither and yon. But with campaigning for election a thing of the past, at least we won’t have to endure endless reportage about his oh-so-tricky dick.