Tag: Squeaker of the House

The Shart-Timer

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 1 Comment
“I gotta start wearing rubber undies.” Photograph doctored after being poached from Jim Lo Scalzo | EPA

Well, it seems Will D. Defendant won one and lost one today. He found a sucker to bond him out of some deep doo-doo in one case, but his relentless punching down at the Little People got a gag order expanded in another.

As The New York Times is fond of reminding us (those teases): “If Mr. Trump violates the order, the judge could impose fines, and in extraordinary circumstances, throw him behind bars.” Be still, my heart.

Meanwhile, is it just me, or does the latest Squeaker of the House always look like he’s fighting off a wicked shart? I’d be doubling up on my Kevlar Depends, too, if the Redneck Baroness was piloting her Fokker pickup with its twin Spandaus trained on my six.

Squeakers gonna squeak

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 10 Comments

“Cheese it,” as the Kool Kidz don’t say anymore.

Look, there goes former Squeaker of the House Charlie McCarthy, over the side, just like former Squeaker Pro Tem Patrick McBowtie before him.

What good news for the critical rubber-chicken sector of the nation’s economy. These hirelings spend years helping our corporate “citizens” turn the government into a $2 whorehouse, then travel the country proclaiming themselves* to be shocked — shocked! — that the government is a whorehouse.

And a cut-rate one, too. For them and their deep-pockets pals, of course. Not for you.

* A small fee applies, of course.

Getting hammered

~ Patrick O'Grady ~ 35 Comments

“Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.”

“We need to get to work for the American people. We need to get a Speaker as soon as possible. So instead of doing that I’m going to force vote after vote on my doomed wank-fest of a candidacy until whatever remains of the Marginally Sane Wing of the Republican Party hires undisputed WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns to yank my head off and place it in a glass jar to be displayed at the House Rostrum as a warning to other self-serving sociopathic bomb-throwing nihilists who couldn’t pass a bill if it were taped to a football but nonetheless might seek the gavel.”

I’m starting to think Thor couldn’t pick up this hammer.