Posts Tagged ‘USADA’

Balloons and other gasbags

October 1, 2016
I'd have snapped some balloons if we weren't squatting down here in this cul-de-sac, out of line-of-sight.

I’d have snapped some balloons if we weren’t squatting down here in this cul-de-sac, out of line-of-sight. Clouds will have to suffice.

It’s the first day of October, and the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta is under way.

Looks like a beautiful day for flying, if only to get above the weed pollen (snurk, gnunk, hoccccccck, ptui).

Elsewhere, the giant orange gasbag that has been hovering above our national politics continues to shower those below with a particularly acidic rain. I don’t think they have a toilet up there. I do think USADA should dope-test this silly tangerine turdblossom. I used to talk a lot of shit at 3 a.m, too, and I know exactly what I was on.

Seriously, I expect Agent Orange to kick off the next debate by telling The Hilldebeast, “Say, you don’t sweat much for a fat chick.”

Meanwhile, cycling defeated technology yesterday. I went for a short, delightful ‘cross-bike ride on the neighborhood trails, and while I wore my Shimano Sport Cam, thinking to amuse all y’all with a short POV video, Herself and I agreed that the result would not be toppling Danny MacAskill as the King of YouTube anytime soon. Just another face on the cutting-room floor.


October 10, 2012

The parting glass

Anyone seen the fat lady?

February 3, 2012
Empty pint glass

One down, God only knows how many to go. ...

Following the long-standing tradition of admitting something you’d rather not on a Friday, preferably before some suitable, monumental time-suck of a distraction — like, say, the Super Bowl or a GOP presidential primary —  federal prosecutors have announced that they have dropped their investigation of Lance Armstrong and Co.

“This is great news,” said Armstrong factotum Marco Fabuloso.

Uh oh,” said anyone who spoke candidly to the grand jury.

“@%&*#!!!” said anyone in the cycling press who was hoping for a relaxing weekend of base miles and pigskin-related debauchery.

And so that’s that. Right? Right?


“Unlike the U.S. Attorney, USADA’s job is to protect clean sport rather than enforce specific criminal laws,” said U.S. Anti-Doping Agency CEO Travis Tygart. “Our investigation into doping in the sport of cycling is continuing and we look forward to obtaining the information developed during the federal investigation.”

Oh, goody. The fat lady not only hasn’t taken the stage, she hasn’t even left the house yet. Is it too early to start fuckin’ drinkin’?

• Late update: My spidey-sense must have alerted me that this was coming. Earlier today I boxed up nearly 23 years worth of back VeloNewses and hauled them the hell out of my office, instantly tripling its square footage. Thank God I no longer have to work this train wreck. I can just enjoy watching the disembodied heads as they roll goggle-eyed down the tracks.