And now from our Good News Department

One of the Old Town Bike Shop wrenches scored some nice ink in today’s Colorado Springs Independent, the local alt-weekly.

When he’s not puzzling over one of my beaters, Brian Gravestock spends a couple days each week refurbishing donated bikes for the homeless, with the help of three volunteers and two trainees, in a donated garage in West Bibleburg.

He and Peter Sprunger-Froese first started doing this sort of thing back in 1993, and today they have more “customers” than they can serve, thanks to brochures and word of mouth at the local shelters, halfway houses and soup kitchens.

Small acts of kindness and generosity often get swamped by the daily tsunami of evil tidings. It’s reassuring to see that not every good deed escapes notice.

• Editor’s note: Meanwhile, from the News As Usual Department comes Charles Pelkey’s take on the Eagle County hit-and-run. Bob Mionske weighs in, too. The Vail Daily, which broke the original story, urges the judge to reject the dimwitted DA’s insane plea bargain with Mr. Moneybags. And last but not least, a good-news/bad-news report: An LA fashion designer bumper-tags a cyclist, drives off, turns herself in, pleads no contest to two misdemeanors and gets 90 days in jailthat she will be allowed to serve on weekends. Jesus wept, what’s next? Letting rich folks hire homeless dudes and illegal aliens to do their time for them?

There goes the neighborhood

Blue skies (not) smiling at me.

Blue skies (not) smiling at me.

That’s the last of the blue skies around here for a bit. The temperature just dropped like a poisoned pigeon, Herself reports that she is driving home from Denver in a snowstorm and the forecast calls for rain and perhaps an inch or two of snow. Can’t be 70 and sunny forever, I guess.

After committing a bit of journalism in the morning I broke out a Steelman for a pleasant hour or so of low-impact cycling, then hopped on the Vespa for a quick spin downtown for lunch, just beating a light sprinkle home. Now it appears to be snowing, so I’m fortifying myself against pneumonia with a delicious glass of 2006 Ramón Bilbao Tempranillo Limited Edition.

Hey, it could be worse. I could’ve had to drive to Fruita for the VeloNews gang’s annual clusterfuck, and right now there just ain’t no good way to get there from here.

Happily, I wasn’t invited to attend this year, in part because I insist on being paid for hours logged and travel endured and in part because I refer to annual retreats as clusterfucks.

Mercedes 1, cyclist 0

Thanks to everyone who tipped me to the heartwarming story of a top-dollar money manager who does a hit-and-run on a transplant surgeon and gets charged with a misdemeanor (littering?) because a felony rap might adversely impact him career-wise. Yeah, right — like pulling a stretch in stir punches up the po’ folks’ résumés. I’d seen the story earlier but was reserving comment until I ran out of tequila and had placed the arsenal in the care of responsible neighbors.

Charles Pelkey at VeloNews, in his role as The Explainer, is in the process of trying to explain the inexplicable. Me, I’m on deadline with Bicycle Retailer & Industry News and contemplating a few hundred words of something less lawyerly (and less savory). Here’s a sample:

America’s terror of commies under the national bed has always befuddled me, since your homegrown pinko has, in my lifetime, been about as big a threat to the Republic as a dust bunny.

It’s the capitalists in plain view who cause most of our problems.

More as it develops. But first I have to feed the beast. And yeah, I was a commie until I started noticing that orthodox Marxist-Leninists and Industrial Christians had more in common — especially as regards their shared authoritarian “come to Jesus/Marx” streak — than either would care to admit.

Eschew obfuscation

OK, all you leg-shavers, listen up. Enough already with the “presented by,” “fueled by” and “powered by” in your already-overlong team/event names. That lame-ass marketing bullshit stopped being cute a long time ago and it fucks with the rhythm of a race story:

Kent Corner (PetsNotSoSmart-Dr. Moreau’s Are We Not Men? Animal Clinic Powered by Devo) bested Watcher Lion (PizzaMart-Liquor World Fueled By Whiskey River Gentlemen’s Club) in the Close Cover Before Striking Institute of Studying Appliance Repair At Home In Your Spare Time Tour de Industrial Park to Raise Awareness of the Hazard of Electrocution.

Seriously. Knock that shit off. You’ll notice that the real pros cuddle up to the simple hyphen, like HTC-Columbia, Garmin-Transitions or Omega Pharma-Lotto. Tell your sponsors that two big spenders make the team name and the ham-and-eggers get to hang out backstage. Money talks and bullshit walks, straight to the back pockets on the team jersey. And while we’re into the whole brevity thing, lose the “Cycling Team” part of your name. We didn’t think you were bowlers.

Finally, I notice while compiling results that all you bozos with the extra-long handles are mostly all hat and no cattle. When you’re racking up the DNFs or being timed with a sundial you want to give the working press something short, like Monk E. Spanker (OTB-Jacques).

Remembering Marvin J. Berkman

I took this still of Marv playing guitar while we shot a short video of him performing kiddie songs for his grandchildren. We coaxed him into playing a few tunes for the adults in the audience, and you can see that video by clicking the link below.

I took this still of Marv playing guitar while we shot a short video of him performing kiddie songs for his grandchildren.

While experimenting with video and audio the past couple days it strikes me that I overlooked the first anniversary of my friend and neighbor Marvin J. Berkman’s passing on Tuesday. I pegged the date in my mind based on the post I wrote about his departure, but without noticing that the post had, as usual, been a few days late and more than a few dollars short.

I rarely mess around with advanced technologies — most days I count myself fortunate if I can crank out a few static words and pictures for fun and/or profit. Indeed, the last time I got semi-serious about video was when Marv asked me to shoot him playing guitar and singing some nursery rhymes for his grandkids.

He burned through his juvenile repertoire in short order and Herself and I asked him to play something for the adults in the audience. I kept the camcorder’s tape rolling, and I’m so glad we did, because we wound up playing the edited video at his funeral, and burning DVDs for his survivors.

Every now and then I think I see Marv’ marching along some street somewhere. He had a style about him, and a distinctive gait, and once in a while some stylish, snappy elderly gent comes oh so close. But it’s always no cigar.

Marv’ was one in a million, and we miss the hell out of him around here.

Videocy

Quiznos Pro Challenge: One prologue possibility from Patrick O'Grady on Vimeo.

More fun with technology. This time it’s an old Flip Video camera that spits out .avi files, one of which I converted using Evom and then fiddled with in iMovie 9. The video sucks, and my editing is worse (first time out of the chute with iMovie 9), but it’ll give you a blurry, jittery peek at one proposed course for the prologue to the 2011 Quiznos Pro Challenge (my bike for this shoot was a Vespa, and the Flip rode along in a jacket pocket).

Where would Jesus race?

The Toasted Sandwich Pro Challenge will kick off with a prologue in Bibleburg, organizers announced today. It’ll be interesting to see what they use as a course — I recall seeing a couple of proposals online a while back and they all looked like shit to me. But what do I know? I’m only a cyclo-crosser, and a retired one at that.

The local wiseguys have estimated that staging a leg of the Sandwich Challenge could cost as much as $150,000, which is sure to go over well with the locals, who have seen their park crappers closed, streetlights turned off and swimming pools drained in the midst of the ongoing economic downturn. Expect the haters to dominate the comments section under the Gazette story.

One thing’s for sure. The city’s gonna have spend some of that $150K on patching potholes. Add a diving board and a lifeguard to some of ’em and you’ve got yourself a swimming pool, if it ever rains.

The morning after

The Elefinks got themselves a piece of ass last night.

The Elefinks got themselves a piece of ass last night.

Surveying the political landscape this morning we spy a few flowers in the ashes. Colorado elected John Hickenlooper governor by a wide margin — though Bibleburg went big for racist asshat Tom Tancredo — and it appears that Sen. Michael Bennet has won a squeaker over the Weld County Whacko, Ken “Aw, She Was Beggin’ for It” Buck.

It’s not yet clear whether the Repuglicans will slide to minority-party status here — the jabbering incompetent Dan Maes, who came in a very distant third in the gubernatorial race, needs to poll 10 percent for that to happen, and The Post pegs him at 10.6 percent with the Boulder County returns yet to come in.

Here in scenic whackopolitan Bibleburg, the intelligent, hard-working Michael Merrifield naturally got beaten like a rented mule in his race for the county commission, and fuckwit Doug Lamborn easily kept his gig in the House. But it looks like Donk Pete Lee will be going to the Colorado House, and likewise John Morse to the Colorado Senate.

Nationwide, of course, we’re looking at a train wreck, with the Elefinks picking up more than 60 seats in the House, defying the usual statistical models in historical fashion. In short, the Donks got stomped like the floor at an Arthur Murray Dance studio on flamenco night, which Kevin Drum says may be attributed to “both tactical and policy missteps,” noting that things might look even worse today had the Pachyderms not bet on so many clearly unhinged teabaggers instead of the usual moderately deranged candidates.

This is not to say that reasonableness prevailed, of course. Steve Benen flags a glimpse of what Salon called “the 10 most terrifying would-be congressmen,” adding that half of them won on Tuesday.

The good news is that it’s Hump Day. The bad news is, we got humped last night.

• Late update: We’ve been having technical difficulties with the DogS(h)ite again today, so two quick announcements while I still have the microphone: First, Rep. Jim Oberstar got the hook in Minnesota, and thus we have lost a powerful cycling advocate in DeeCee. Second, if you don’t see any updates here in the next 24 hours, come see me at http://maddogmedia.wordpress.com. The fartblossoms at Hostcentric must be Republicans.

A word to the wise




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Words and pictures on the DogPage © 2010 by Patrick O'Grady/Mad Dog Media. All rights and most lefts reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, redistributed, laser-printed, photocopied, crocheted into a sampler, knitted into a sweater, tattooed on a floozy, spray-painted on an overpass, tapped out in Morse code, sublimated onto a jersey, shared in whispers in the back row of an adult theater, shouted from the rooftops, scored for tuba and banjo, translated into Squinch, or communicated via telepathy without the permission of and hefty payment to a heavily armed, whisky-addled cyclo-cross addict who knows your IP address. Bonehead shysters and the simpletons who employ them, take note: The opinions expressed on the DogPage contain toxic quantities of hyperbole, satire, parody and humor. Pah-ro-dee. Hyyuuu-mor. Acquire a sense of same or read at your own risk.