The stationary trainer: Cycling without all that annoying fun stuff. I unfolded the Cateye and attached a bike this afternoon after catching a glimpse of tomorrow’s forecast, which calls for a chance of snow, wind and a high of 19 degrees. Not exactly a day at the beach.
But then I’m not exactly Old Whatsisface, either. Johan Bruyneel would not pronounce me to be in better shape than I was three years ago, not even for money. Herself would fall down in a giggling fit just trying to squeak the words out.
So sometime tomorrow, unless the weatherman is wildly off base, I will take another of those refreshing rides to nowhere, facing a fan, in the basement.
Mike Creed just tweaked me on Facebook, saying, “Get on down to Silver City. 50s and 60’s next week.” But there are mountains in them thar hills, if I recall correctly from my previous life as a New Mexican, and if there’s anything a 54-year-old fat bastard hates more than cold, it’s climbing. I’d look and sound like a Lycra-wrapped step van full of live pigs, and Christo would probably base his next daffy art project on me.
Mad Blog Media 
Patrick,
Should be 74F here tomorrow. Windy with a chance of rain in the afternoon. I just got permission to ride in the morning. Hopefully I’ll get in about 40 miles. In shorts. And in my NEW Mad Dog Media jersey!
Keep up the riding/writing!
I sympathize. A friend and I went hiking yesterday (32 degrees, 30-40 mph winds, snow flurries; that is , normal winter Washoe Lake conditions)and he was kind enough to say: “Ya know, for a guy who is so out-of-shape, you’re doing pretty good…” *sigh* Waddya gunnadoo?
Annoying fun stuff. Flats, wind, wet. Yea fun stuff. At least on a trainer you can catch up on your soaps!
Interesting comparison.
What about wanking while ON the trainer?
Ultimate low?
If it snows enough here, I’ll kit up and take the X-C skis up the mountain. Otherwise it will be the Tour de Nowhere for me, too.
Riding a trainer is like drinking non-alcoholic beer.
I hate trainers, can’t ride them, can’t even look at the things when in the LBS. They just scream winter, boredom, and discomfort in all the wrong places. Too much black ice around for riding. Too windy (NW @ 15 -20) for a walk with the spouse. Think I’ll borrow a friend’s Lab and take a long hike.
Your weather gets here tomorrow. Bummer
I beg to differ Patrick. Wanking is actually an occasionally fun substitute for sex. Trainers however, never attain that status.
At least break out some rollers for a little more excitement.
What’s the matter with hills, again?
I guess I’m just a ‘bat fastard’. Sigh. Condemned to be swift and elusive on hills….what a chore.
Patrick, I haven’t seen you in person (that I know of) but I have seen (very) recent pictures of you on the web. Compared to me, or the typical super-sized combo platter of an American you are Dainty. I’m 5’9″ and 220 lbs. of very large very dense bones that has to angle his way through the bathroom doorway because his shoulders and chest are too big to walk straight through. And I have written proof of the dense bones, in my medical records from the last wreck the doctors complained they had a hard time installing the hardware to hold my bones together (and later taking it out) because my bones were so hard and dense.
My last bike jersey I bought was a 2XL and it’s too small through the shoulders. What size of OGWGFIW jersey did Velowear send you as an art proof?
Opus
Where are these recent pictures? Enquiring minds want to know.