Ho, ho. My colleagues at Bicycle Retailer & Industry News have finally bitten the new-media bullet and launched a blog, in which they mention the likes of Interbike’s Rich Kelly, Masiguy Tim Jackson and BikePortland’s Jonathan Maus — while saying nary a word about your humble narrator, their very own columnist and cartoonist, who has been blogging about this, that and the other since before the millennium.
Hell, I have archived posts dating back to three years before BRAIN wrote its first story on bike-biz bloggery. I’m on Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn, Blogger and WordPress and Hostcentric. I’m so Web 2.0, I’m virtually digital. Or digitally virtual. And yet I get no respect. Oh, the humanity.
Late update: BRAIN honchette Megan Tompkins feels my pain and responds to my NastyGram® thusly: “Sorry for failing to mention one of our own in our initial post. I didn’t mean to overlook you; indeed I was hoping that we might be able to collaborate between the two blogs. How can we work together to drive traffic to both our blogs?”
This is exactly what BRAIN needs in order to more tightly wrap its sucker-tipped, Cthulhu-like tentacles around the rocklike thighs of cycling trade journalism: regular congress with a minor-league blog whose proprietor says “Fuck” more often than The Dude in “The Big Lebowski.” Naturally, I am happy to oblige, and insist that all of my readers — yes, all three of you — visit the BRAIN Blog at least thrice daily, clicking this and that until your mouse fingers bleed.
Mad Blog Media 
Now, now don’t get your bits in a bunch. It is hard to see the trees for the forest. Besides, being narrow-minded AND egocentric can be very distracting.
Sorry, O’G. That would likely annoy the crap out of me as well. Out of curiousity, assuming a hypothetical blog by Mother Theresa is G-rated and yours is somewhere between R- and XXX-rated, where do the three mentioned in the BRAIN article fall in line? Perhaps that has something to do with it.
The other gents mentioned in the BRAIN blog are pleasant, well-rounded professionals who don’t run around the Intertubes yelling “FUCK!” all the time. Hm. You think that has something to do with it? Naw. Y’think?
Fuck is a perfectly good word with a long and uncertain etymology. From Wiki: “The Oxford English Dictionary states that the ultimate etymology is uncertain, but that the word is “probably cognate” with a number of native Germanic words with meanings involving striking, rubbing, and having sex.[1]”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck
But, what is that expression about not running with scissors?
In my two real jobs I’ve had since my adviser kicked me out of the nest, I’ve been told that being ignored is a virtue. It seems that any time any of my bosses have come running to find me, its a good bet that there has been a f–k up somewhere in the system. Just send the checks, and a 5% raise every year.
I’ve read brain forever. Not anymore. Keep up the good work on the blog.
Doesn’t the old line go something like this: “I don’t want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member?”
Hey, Rich,
That would be Groucho Marx, who wrote: “Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” Wonder what he would’ve made of Al Gore’s Intertubes. . . .
Speaking of fuck, I think maybe she had no intention of ever including a mention of your blog. She’s just tryin’ to get a taste of the Irish.
My cc on the quoted e-mail had the three lines as:
“Sorry for failing to mention one of our own in our initial post, but he’s too loose a cannon to use. I didn’t mean to overlook you, just hoping you wouldn’t notice; indeed I am hoping that we might be able to collaborate between the two blogs as yours has traffic and our guys are just nice, but clueless professionals. How can we work together to drive traffic to both our blogs? Even the crazies who comment on maddogmedia have to have some money to spend on the bicycle industry. How are the jersey sales doing?”
Still if Brain can set up your firing as a April Fools joke a few years back, well you know …
Aw, it goes with the territory. One of the perils of working off-site is that you don’t spring to mind all that often when someone gets a brainstorm. I haven’t been to Interbike since 2006, which means I haven’t seen any of the BRAIN trust in more than two years (barring tech editor Matt Wiebe, with whom I occasionally down far too many Second Street IPAs during visits to Santa Fe). I had never met Fred Dreier or Matt Pacocha at VeloNews until last fall’s staff retreat at Winter Park, and Boulder is a good deal closer than Laguna Hills, California. Jeez, maybe I should get out more often. Y’think?
“Petition to delay the new lead limit”????
Whatthefuck does that have to do with foaming and ranting about bicycling? Is anyone using double-butted lead tubing? What is BRAIN trying to tell us?
I think that item refers to the lead in masters racers’ asses. Certainly can’t be about the lead in their pencils.
Must not be the same masters racers who used to clean my clock…
Well, it woulda been cool to finally get mentioned in the same article as you (without police blotter info). But I do have to ask; you actually think I’m a professional? Fwew… finally!
Does anyone understand “wiki?” If you want to be taken seriously on any matter, might I suggest not using a wiki post as your proof. Sort of like ending a thesis with the phrase “because I said so.” Show your work, and the red pencil won’t leave it’s hallowed satchel. IMHO at least.
James, Lighten up, okay? Big diff between citing Wikipedia in a blog discussion and citing it on a college paper.
James, if Wiki is a good enough source for That Randy Pausch guy it’ll work for me. can’t except it for college paper but you find some wiki stuff that’s wrong, and either FIX it (they do list lots of primary sources if you’ve noticed) or fucking quit your bitching.
(real reason i decided to venture down into the depths of the comments)
What is it when people refer to the “three readers”? why is it always three?
Lighten up, James. This is a blog, not a Ph.D. dissertation.
Next time I’ll quote the OED. In fact, there are three entries. Here is the one for the noun form.
coarse slang (see note at FUCK v.).
Show pronunciation* Show spellings* Show etymology* Hide quotations* Show date charts*
1. a. An act of sexual intercourse. Also as a mass noun (esp. in early use): sexual intercourse.
cluster-, dry, mercy fuck, etc.: see at first element.
1663 R. HEAD Hic et Ubique I. vi. 18, I did creep in..and there I did see putting [sic] the great fuck upon my weef. 1680 EARL OF ROCHESTER Poems 37 Thus was I Rook’d of Twelve substantial Fucks. 1719 in E. J. Burford Bawdy Verse (1982) 194 She’d dance and she’d caper as wild as a Buck And told Tom the Tinker she would have some fuck. 1764 J. WILKES Ess. on Woman 13 Just a few good Fucks, and then we die. 1776 Frisky Songster (new ed.) 25 She could not get one poor f{em}k. a1796 R. BURNS Merry Muses Caledonia (1799) 49 When maukin-bucks at early f{em}ks, In dewy glens are seen, Sir. 1865 ‘PHILOCOMUS’ Love Feast I. 9 My poor pussy , rent and sore, Dreaded yet longed for one fuck more. ?1889 ‘C. DEVEUREUX’ Vénus in India I. 87 After I had signed my name to the note to Mrs. Searle he added his initials, and ‘W.T.B.F.’ ‘What did that mean?’ I asked. ‘Will there be fuck, of course!’ c1890 My Secret Life III. 139, I was dying with want of a fuck. 1928 D. H. LAWRENCE Lady Chatterley’s Lover xviii. 342 A lily-livered hound with never a fuck in him. 1965 E. J. HOWARD After Julius iii. 38 Eat well, don’t smoke, and a fuck was equal to a five-mile walk. 1994 A. L. KENNEDY Now that you’re Back 49, I thought we had similar reasons for being here. A fling, an affair, a fuck. I’m in the right area?
b. concr. A person considered in sexual terms or as a sexual partner. Chiefly with modifying word.
1870 Cythera’s Hymnal 75 A young woman got married at Chester, Her mother she kissed and she blessed her. Says she, ‘You’re in luck, He’s a stunning good fuck, For I’ve had him myself down in Leicester.’ 1874 Lett. from Friend in Paris II. 168, I had always held that dear mamma was the best fuck in the family, and in every way a most desirable and splendid creature. c1890 My Secret Life II. iii. 57 Is she a good fuck? Where does she live? 1934 ‘J. M. HALL’ Anecdota Americana 2nd Ser. 18 You are a much better fuck than your old mammy here. 1969 S. GREENLEE Spook who sat by Door ix. 77 An aborted marriage to a favourite fuck. 1984 ‘PICKLES’ Queens 34 Perhaps the commonest threat to success is the arrival of friends or former fucks. 1997 E. WHITE Farewell Symphony (1998) i. 27 He’s driving me crazy… I can’t bear him, though he is a pretty good fuck.
2. orig. U.S. A worthless or despicable person. Freq. with modifying word. Cf. also rat fuck n. (a) at RAT n.1 Compounds 2.
1927 J. FLIESLER Anecdota Americana 188, I won’t sye nothin’ nawsty, all I sye is my bloody arse ‘ole to you, you bloomin’ fuck. 1934 H. ROTH Call it Sleep iv. 414 Yer an at’eist, yuh fuck, he hollers. 1959 W. S. BURROUGHS Naked Lunch 96 You may be a tedious old fuck yourself some day. 1988 R. DOYLE Commitments (1991) 101 Deco couldn’t believe this. This little baldy fuck was threatening him. 2006 G. MALKANI Londonstani xxvi. 320, I must not take more than eight aspirins, I must not take more than eight aspirins. Arun, Arun, wherever you are. You stupid fuck.
3. With the.
a. As an intensifier expressing annoyance, hostility, urgency, exasperation, etc.
(a) In interrogative contexts, as what the fuck, who the fuck, how (in) the fuck, etc. Cf. what (also who, why, how, etc.) the (also in) hell at HELL n. and int. Phrases 4d.
1934 H. ROTH Call it Sleep IV. iii. 380 De nex’ time watch out who de fuck yer chas{em}. 1959 W. S. BURROUGHS Naked Lunch 63 How in the fuck should I know? 1970 G. LORD Marshmallow Pie xv. 136 What the fuck do you think you’re doing? 1991 L. BING Do or Die 218 What the fuck I want to change for? 1999 J. CAHILL Guy walks into Psychiatrist’s Office in Sopranos (television shooting script) 2nd Ser. 29 The fuck you gonna do about it? 2005 K. HOLDEN In my Skin 93 Who the fuck are you?
(b) With a phrasal verb, often in the imperative. Cf. to get the (also to) hell out (of) at HELL n. and int. Phrases 5m.
1944 R. TREGASKIS Diary 27 July in Invasion Diary 46 Get the f{em} off this God-damn hill! 1970 B. J. FRIEDMAN Dick 283 Anyone who didn’t like the country was invited to get the fuck out of it. 1988 J. NORST Colors ii. 30 Speed up five or ten. Speed the fuck up. 2001 C. GLAZEBROOK Madolescents 66 Darren the Mutant from next-door flings the upstairs window open and yells at Sheba to shut the fuck up.
b. U.S. Introducing a response expressing emphatic disagreement or disbelief: ‘that’s not true’; ‘like hell’.
1965 S. LINAKIS In Spring War Ended iv. 50 ‘They don’t keep you locked up.’.. ‘The fuck they don’t.’ 1983 P. DEXTER God’s Pocket 65, I..said..that he’d been takin’ a quarter off the top,..and he says, ‘The fuck I have, you think I’m crazy?’ 2000 W. MONAHAN Light House xxvi. 145 ‘Give me another one.’ ‘No more drink.’ ‘The fuck you say.’
PHRASES
P1. not to give (also care) a fuck: not to care in the slightest. Hence in other dismissive (and chiefly negative) constructions.
go take a flying fuck and not to give a flying fuck: see flying fuck n. at FLYING adj. Additions; not to give (also care) a monkey’s fuck: see MONKEY n. Phrases 10; (not) to give a motherfuck: see MOTHERFUCK n. 2a.
1879 Harlequin Prince Cherrytop 19 For all your threats I don’t care a fuck. I’ll never leave my princely darling duck. 1929 F. MANNING Middle Parts of Fortune I. v. 87 ‘They don’t care a fuck ‘ow us’ns live,’ said little Martlow bitterly. 1934 H. MILLER Tropic of Cancer 34 Nobody gives a fuck about her except to use her. 1962 I. MURDOCH Unofficial Rose vi. 63 Not that I care a fuck. 1987 T. HARRISON Sel. Poems 242 A book, yer stupid cunt, ‘s not worth a fuck! 1990 A. DUFF Once were Warriors (1995) vi. 57 Main street. So what, big deal, who gives a fuck, town’s not even a city, and ya call this a main street? 2005 A. SMITH Accidental 26 Why should I care about him when he clearly doesn’t give a fuck about me.
P2. to fuck: very much, a great deal; = (all) to hell at HELL n. and int. Phrases 4e.
1919 W.H. DOWNING Digger Dialects 12 Blow-to-fook, shatter to fragments. 1970 H. S. THOMPSON Let. 29 Jan. in Fear & Loathing in Amer. (2000) 277, I wish to fuck I could lay off some kind of healing wisdom{em}for either one of us. 1986 R. HEWITT White Talk Black Talk i. 27 But then I thought I’d be cut to fuck. I mean I’d be stabbed. I knew it. 1994 J. KELMAN How Late it Was 17 Mind you he once telt it to a woman and it annoyed her to fuck, she thought it was a load of bullshit.
P3. orig. U.S. a fuck of a {emem}: a striking, extraordinary, or dismaying {emem}; ‘a hell of a {emem}’ (HELL n. and int. Phrases 4a).
1928 in A. W. Read Lexical Evid. Folk Epigraphy Western N. Amer. (1935) 55 This is a fuck of a rain. 1973 J. BRESLIN World without End 56 It was, Dermot remembers, a fuck of a way to learn and of course he never did. 1990 R. DOYLE Snapper (1993) 37 You said it looks like another fuck of a day. 2002 N. GRIFFITHS Kelly + Victor 12 It’s just as packed up here as it was downstairs but it’s a fuck of a lot quieter, no music, just a babble of voices.
P4. In similative phrases indicating extremity or intensity. Freq. in like fuck.
1938 in G. Legman Limerick (1953) 393 The colloquial comparative, ‘Hotter than a Persian fuck.’ 1969 T. RAWORTH Serial Biogr. 66 Burned like fuck he said. Had to smear ointment all over it. 1991 New Musical Express 31 Aug. 19/2 We’re relying on them to tour like f{em} and write all the time. 1994 J. KELMAN How Late it Was 3 This yin with his big beery face and these cunning wee eyes, then his auld belted raincoat, shabby as fuck.
P5. for fuck’s sake: expressing exasperation, annoyance, or urgency; ‘for heaven’s sake’.
1943 D. BRENNAN Never so Young Again xxiii. 206 They’re coming up to starboard! Weave! For f{em} sake! 1966 D. HOLBROOK Flesh Wounds 129 Driver speed up. Come on, for fuck’s sake. 1987 G. TURNER Sea & Summer 144 For fuck’s sake, woman, shut up! 2000 Z. SMITH White Teeth iv. 80 OK, Auntie Alsi, I apologize, I apologize… For fuck’s sake, what more do you want?
P6. to {emem} the fuck out of (a person or thing): to {emem} (a person or thing) to an excessive, violent, or unpleasant degree. Cf. to beat (also kick, knock) the shit out of (someone) at SHIT n. 1g.
1957 N. COWARD Diary 17 Feb. (2000) 349, I am very old indeed and cannot understand why the younger generation, instead of knocking at the door, should bash the fuck out of it. 1960 N. COWARD Diary 19 June (2000) 442 There was a real blazing row in the course of which Peggy and I roared at him, banged the table and generally frightened the fuck out of him. 1974 B. GREENE Billion Dollar Baby 87, I always wanted to beat the fuck out of somebody on stage. 1987 B. E. ELLIS Rules of Attraction 111 But thinking about it bores the fuck out of me so I just walk around the dorm for a while and then split. 2002 C. MALONE in L. Purcell Black Chicks Talking 169, I was going to try the heavy shit but the ‘thought’ that I was actually thinking about doing it, that scared the fuck out of me.
P7. for the fuck of it: for the mere sake of doing so; for the fun of it; = (just) for the hell of it at HELL n. and int. Phrases 4k.
J. E. Lighter Hist. Dict. Amer. Slang (1994) I. 832/2 records an oral use from 1970: ‘I’d beat him up just for the fuck of it’.
1976 S. HAYDEN Voyage 211 Take a look. Just fer the fuck of it. 1994 Vox July 5/1 The Wonder Stuff have split up on ‘very amicable terms..just for the fuck of it’ and will play together live for the last time at the Phoenix Festival on July 15. 2005 R. SCARCE Contempt of Court iv. 126 Some assholes pick him up and kick the shit out of him jes’ for the fuck of it.
P8. Chiefly Brit. fuck knows: indicating that something is unknown to the speaker; ‘no idea’; ‘God knows’.
1976 P. CALLOW Story of my Desire vi. 42 ‘When’s your case come up?’ David said. ‘Fuck knows’. 1988 G. PATTERSON Burning your Own (1993) 245, I know what youse’re thinking: ‘he must be mad’. Well, if that was mad, then fuck knows what youse’ll say when youse see the next knockdown bargain. 2001 C. GLAZEBROOK Madolescents 302 Tell spaceboy to turn the volume down. I can’t get through to him, fuck knows what he’s on.
COMPOUNDS
attrib. Chiefly of written or visual material: describing or involving sexual activity; pornographic.
1941 W. C. WILLIAMS Let. 6 Jan. in W. C. Williams & J. Laughlin Sel. Lett. (1989) 61 You’ve got to feed ’em the bunk{em}love and war and all the old fuck stuff. 1946 Amer. Speech 21 33/1 F{em}k books, sexy pulp magazines. 1968 C. BUKOWSKI Let. 26 Feb. in Screams from Balcony (1998) 323, I read your fuck-piece and that boy is a master-fucker. 1985 Playboy (Nexis) Feb. 118, I wanted to find out who these people are who make fuck films, to bring some veracity to my movie. 2002 A. BEHRMAN Electroboy (2003) ii. 31, I thumb through some magazines… Shrink-wrapped packages with three or four hard-core fuck magazines in them for $7.99.
Khal, I’ve never met you, but you have just gained a whole new level of respect in my mind. Not that you weren’t respected before, but wow. Quite a dissertation there.
I bet O’G is laughing his ass off at this particular comments section.
Hope he is laughing. I worried a bit about the length of that fucking post.
O’G will love it. Phrase example 2 cites H. S. Thompson. Tregaskis who wrote Guadalcanal Diary is also cited. Which given his limited writing is odd.
I do hath believe that I have fucked this blog, bitches!! Motherfuckers and cunts!!! But I’m impressed you took the time to type that shit out, toad. Not bad, et al. Not et al…..selah.