Stimulate my package

Don't leave home without it.

Don't leave home without it.

I’m not an economist. I don’t even play one on TV. So I don’t feel qualified to comment on the arcane machinations under way in Congress. But I do like this economic-stimulus proposal from Dan Newman, owner of a retail food store in Seattle: Send every U.S. taxpaper a $2,000 debit card.

Sure, the Repugs will call it socialism, a convenient catch-all phrase meaning “anything Rush Limbaugh doesn’t like.” But if I got me two large, I’m buyin’ something with it — goods, services or both — and someone has to provide them. Jobs, baby, jobs.

Case in point: Right now I’m not enjoying my usual week of “training camp”  at McDowell Mountain Regional Park outside Fountain Hills, Arizona, in part because of extended labor negotiations and in part because we just spent a ton of cash repairing Herself’s Subaru. But give me a debit card with a picture of Lady Liberty on it and I’m a gone dog, enriching gas stations, brewpubs, hotels, restaurants and campgrounds in three states.

New computer? Same old problem. This ol’ sumbitch limps worse than a three-legged hound with a butt full of buckshot, and I’d put it down in a New York minute if I had a brand-new one in line to replace it, but we seem to be short of simoleons in these parts. Where’s my ObamaCard®, honey? Whaddaya mean, there’s an elephant sitting on it? Well, shoot the fucker and at least we’ll have meat in the freezer!

9 Responses to “Stimulate my package”

  1. Charles Pelkey Says:

    Fuckin’ A, bub. Shoot the fuckin’ elephant and get on with it.

  2. TedBike3000 Says:

    All well and good, but that money is going to China where that computer, DVD, etc. were made. Now that they’ve dropped the “Buy American” clause, American companies are going to source all they can from overseas…so much for stimulas. And don’t tell me companies will be patriotic…ain’t a lot of them types around.

  3. Khal Spencer Says:

    Free money that has to be spend might be the only way to get ‘Murrcans to spend the greenbacks. But as Tedbike says, its just more money to China. At least until we learn to build something here besides a Tower of Babel.

    Holy Out of the Blue Appearances, Batman. An appearance by CP! But gotta agree. I’ll buy the 460 Weatherby as long as CP takes the recoil.

  4. Khal Spencer Says:

    “spent”. Damn drunkenness…

  5. Charley Auer Says:

    I could throw in a Glock 40 and 2 full magazines. That could affect a bunch of small elephants!
    Patrick, your job will be safer with the elimination of education funds in all of the states; no kid will be smart enough to write a sentence much less an essay.

  6. mark h Says:

    Make all purchases with it tax-free and I’m pretty sure you could get a quorum.

  7. Opus the Poet Says:

    The Repugs have demonstrated that even if the Democrats compromise the stimulus that they will not vote for it, so I say just ignore them as irrelevant, pass the bill you want and get on with it. After all it’s not like the Repugs did much compromising when they had the reins.

  8. SteveO' Says:

    What? And cut out the 37,000 middle men? Will never fly.

    Hey, any economists out there want to tell me how raising the price to $1.50 will help the NY Times sell more newspapers?

  9. Dan Newman Says:

    Thanks for the perceptive, amusing comments on my column in this weekend’s Washington Post! A friend forwarded your blog, and the subtitles were too good to ignore.

    >I’m not an economist. I don’t even play one on TV. So I don’t feel qualified to comment on the arcane machinations under way in Congress

    You’re an American, so you have every right. We all sleep better when you keep an eye on Congress.

    And there are good questions here:

    >that money is going to China where that computer, DVD, etc. were made.

    Despite the astounding number of goods made in China – more than half the things on my desk, I expect – well over 80% of American dollars are spent on domestic goods and especially services. This sort of gift card really will help the corner store.

    >Make all purchases with it tax-free and I’m pretty sure you could get a quorum.

    That’s funny, and true. As I mention in the column, in 2001, the Senate actually did propose a “sales tax holiday” to help boost purchases. But it fell apart before they could get 45 state legislatures (5 states have no sales tax) to coordinate with them.

    As a small-business owner, I can also imagine the additional headaches of exempting the tax and later getting reimbursed by the state, which is in turn reimbursed by the federal government. A $2000 prepaid card is far easier and far faster.

    It won’t solve all the problems that need to be addressed, but it’s a strong tool that can be in the hands of Americans right now, this month.

    http://callaspade.blogspot.com/

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