Ooo, it’s all sticky!

April showers bring May flowers. May showers bring puddles.

April showers bring May flowers. May showers bring puddles.

That was Eddie Izzard talking about landing on the moon only to find it was covered in jam, but he could have been talking about Bibleburg. Except Bibleburg is more squishy than sticky, and if there were any jam lying about, the rain of the past few days would’ve washed it away, so no. Sticky? Not so much. Squishy, that’s the thing. There. Glad we’ve got that sorted out.

This would be fine weather if I were a duck, but since I’m more of a dick it’s not doing much for me. Or for the Turk’, either. I just heard a loud thunk from the living room and went in to see him affixed to the top half of the screen door, forepaws spread wide, like an inmate clutching the cell bars. “Hey, y’dirty screw, call m’lawyer! I’m innocent, I tell ya! Lemme outa here!” If the Turk’ had a spoon and opposable thumbs, he’d be digging a tunnel in a blind corner somewhere.

Speaking of prisons, The New York Times recently paid a call on Cañon City and Florence to sample public opinion about sprinkling Gitmo inmates around the various local graybar hotels. One dingbat who owns a coffee shop fears an influx of Muslims and terrorists that would drive down property values for “good Christian conservatives” like himself. Never mind that property values have already taken quite a beating from the good Christian conservatives running the country and its financial system for the past eight years.

No, by all means let’s reserve our correctional system for fine upstanding American nutbags, like Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, who enjoys three hots and a cot in the federal Supermax at Florence. At least they won’t hate our freedom, despite having none of their own.

3 Responses to “Ooo, it’s all sticky!”

  1. Drew McCarthy Says:

    Thanks for the link about the potential Gitmo transfers… I also especially liked the part where the local was afeared that the families of the incarcerated would move in and wreck property values… Danged furriners…

    Speaking of criminulls… Have you heard about the Jailbird Tour de France?

    No word yet on whether the inmates will have the option of boycotting stages for safety issues…

    Or what their jerseys will look like… Will they have Champion Chips in their leg irons?

    Will the marshals will all wear mirrored sunglasses and all hafta be called *Patron*?

    This cries out for additional investigative reporting!

  2. Drew McCarthy Says:

    Whoops, either forgot the link, or the WordPress ate it…

  3. Drew McCarthy Says:

    WordPress ate it…

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