As usual, I didn’t get much riding in during the recently concluded three-week Cirque du Frog. So I thought it would be swell to ride the New Santa Fe Trail to the Greenland trailhead and back yesterday.
I knew it would be hot, so I planned an early start, which I did not get. What I did get was a stiff headwind for all but a few of the 30 northbound miles, and that first 90 minutes was a bitch. The trail was in poor repair after July’s heavy rains, with ruts and sandpiles in abundance, and my legs felt like sacks of very old garbage.
Finding myself running behind what I considered decent time at two checkpoints — way behind — I thought about turning around at the North Gate to the Air Force Academy. Naw, why do something smart at this stage of your life? The Universe would become confused. Onward.
There are plenty of water stops along the way, at Baptist Road, in Monument, and in Palmer Lake, but I was a little light in the electrolytes department, and it caught up with me on the way back, when the temperature hit 96 degrees. I dragged ass back to Dog Central looking like Death eating a cracker. Seems 60 miles of sand on a cyclo-cross bike was about 10 too many in my present alarmingly decrepit condition.
I limped into the house, drank a tall glass of juice with a tablespoon of concentrated electrolytes, chased it with a couple glasses of ice-cold water, and then stretched out with my legs elevated, a cold washcloth across my forehead, meditating for a while upon the pure white light of stupidity. Then I ate a chicken-and-provolone sandwich with some salty blue corn chips and a banana and began feeling vaguely human once again.
The only half-smart thing I did on that ride was skip an extra-credit loop at the Greenland trailhead that would’ve put me even deeper into the pain cave on the way home. Maybe next time. Are we not men?
Mad Blog Media 
Patrick: I knew you were way fitter than that singing fat dude. Sixty miles, summer heat, headwinds, sand, cross bike–I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do that ride in an air conditioned Jeep with my bike on the bike rack.
We are Devo!
Oh, man, that sounds WAY too familiar…
That’s tough riding, O’G. You would kick my ass easily.
but it’s downhill to your house from there. whine, whine, whine
Gents,
It’s not a particularly difficult ride, it’s just that I’m a wanker, as Duncan notes, and a massively under-trained wanker at that. Chris rode part of it with me once on a POS rental mountain bike that took a lot of the snap out of his Franco-Irish legs.
I wish I knew what the actual vertical gain is (I miss my old Avocet altimeter), but it can’t be much. Starting altitude is around 6,035; AFA is only slightly up at 6,200; Palmer Lake sits at 7,225; and the Greenland trailhead is at 6,906. It’s mostly steady-state riding on an old railroad grade, with a couple little bumps here and there.
The sand and heat were the biggest annoyances yesterday. There’s nothing like hitting a sand pit in an off-camber downhill corner on 700×32 tires. My man Dr. Schenkenstein did that in a ’cross race once in Franktown and I nearly ran his ass over as he did the Big Get-Off.
As regards the heat, I’ve learned my lesson re: electrolytes. Any of you brainiacs out there have a sports drink you’d recommend? I used to run plain old Gatorade at half-strength, but there’s too much crap in there for me these days. A runner I know was singing the praises of Hammer Nutrition the other day, but I’ve never used any of their stuff. Comments?
now you have a feeling for how most of my rides end up leaving me feeling 🙂 Love the Death eating a cracker bit…one of my dearly departed Moms favorite sayings….
Lucky me, I never read the Gatorade label, since I go through the stuff so fast. I seem particularly susceptible to electrolyte loss (get home from long summer rides with massive salt-depletion headaches) so I usually gulp that crap with a lot of salty Kalamata olives and high salt peanuts as chasers when I get home. Or, on really bad days, just go back to the garage and sit with the bag of driveway de-icer…
There there boys….I might have to modify my old saying. It sounds like it could be either:
If it’s too hot, you’re too fat.
Or:
If it’s too hot, you’re too old.
I’m only 40 (meaning not old, at least in y’all’s company); but hovering on the 200 lbs mark at 6’1″, I’m definitely fat. High 90s with almost the same humidity % makes me smile.
Hammer make excellent products. Taste is obviously subjective, but I like their gels, not the drinks… The other products that seem to be excellent (at least I have had success with them) are the Accelerade and Endurox (Same Company) products. 4/1 carb/protein ratio and taste good. Plus no High Fructose Corn Syrup to be found!
I too like the hammer stuff, particularly the HEED powder and the e-caps. Riding in the New Mexico desert and mountains is a perfect recipe for depletion for an old, fat guy like me who doesn’t have enough sense to stop riding with a bunch of young bony assed boys and girls. When on-the-bike cramps set in, I pop a couple e-caps and within 10-15 minutes, no more cramps.
Patrick,
I’m familiar with part of your ride. A few Christmas Eve’s ago, I rode the rail trail from Baptist Road to Rush’s house on a mountain bike with commuter studded tires. On most of the trail, the sand was wet and I needed my granny to plow through it. I found myself looking for ice because it was so much easier that the wet sand. I’m happy to be able to say that we don’t have sand like that around Boulder. I’m much older and more decrepit than you and and about half way between Rush and Mindy in size.
I’ve used the Hammer products and they work well for me.
PS re Hammer
One of the main reasons I like the Hammer products as they don’t add cheap ascorbic acid which consists of L-ascorbic acid, the natural form, and D-ascorbic acid, which your body considers to be garbage to gotten rid of through your kidneys, thus reducing the kidney’s capacity to get rid of excess uric acid. Gatorade sucks. High fructose corn syrup is also bad for gout.
I’ve had good luck with Gu20, but have been on Hammer Heed lately. Both have way less sugar than Gatorade, which I have trouble drinking without being watered down. Post ride replacement is tortilla chips loaded up with equal parts salsa and low fat cottage cheese. And ramen. I’m finally out of grad school, but can’t give the stuff up.
Lots of folks weighing in for Hammer. Since I needed a new pair of gloves to protect my delicate arteest’s hands against the pounding of the trail, I zipped down to Old Town Bike Shop and hey presto: It was Hammer time! Seems they’ve been a dealer since 2003 or so. Who knew?
Anyway, Randin Isip and John Crandall put their heads together and laid a couple free one-serving samples of Hammer Heed and Sustained Energy on me (“Sure, pal, the first one’s free, heh heh heh”), and I’ll test-drive the Heed on a longish ride tomorrow, when it’s supposed to be high 80s and humid for Bibleburg (it is our so-called “monsoon” season).
Byron, the first time I heard the “I felt like Death” gag it was from a San Luis Valley Chicano who had it as “Death on a 10-minute break.” I’m not sure which I like better.
Barry, I think living in San Antonio and Tucson ruined me for hot weather. All we ever did come summertime in San Antone was swim or stay indoors and play board games. In Tucson, all I did was swim or stay indoors where the beer and air conditioning was.
Enervit man here. Tastes fine and works, at least for this used-up 59 year old bod. Mind, I don’t do the “epic” rides no mo’ like our host here just described, but it gets me through the 2+ hour road ride in SoCal heat in good stead. I’ve been buying it in bulk in Italy for the last two years as I think the company is having trouble moving product here in the US and has lost a number of distributors. I like the little lozenges of the stuff too.
Dan mentions Accelerade above. Though the taste was ok, and seemed to do it’s job, there was a very weird “slimy” feel to the stuff, that was not pleasant, at least for my extremely delicate palate… It was really apparent when you cleaned out the bottle: just slippery and strange. Put me off using it, to be honest.
I’ve heard good things about the Hammer products and with the pro comments above, I’ll give ’em a try.
True Hammer story: a few years ago, when I was gainfully employed in the bicycle business, the owner of the store was wondering about the wonderful ingredients that were in their gel. I think the phrase “no fad ingredients” caught his attention. And since he is not an OGWGFIW like myself, he started to read the ingredient list.
If memory serves he got to the second or third ingredient which said something like “dehydrogenated grape skin” (or some such) and then read that this gel “contains no simple sugars.” Well, both the owner and I looked at each other and said “Huh? What the heck is that?” Grape = fruit = fructose = simple sugar.
The owner picked up the phone, dialed the number on the label, was connected to a service rep on the line, and asked: “So I am curious about this ‘no simple sugar’ statement. How do you get that when one of your ingredients is fruit?” A little bit of stumbling on the other side of the line, a few moments on hold, and the response was: “Well it is a complex sugar.”
To which the owner replied: “Uh, no, sucrose, fructose and even maltose are the simplest of complex carbohydrates thus making them di-saccharides which are simple sugars.”
Needless to say that we sold tons of stuff even after one of my co-workers began explaining that it his dentist warned him off the stuff because it can rot teeth. Seems that all that fancy mumbo jumbo is really just another way of saying “sucrose.”
Which, last time I checked, is sugar.
Moral of the story: drink whatever you like in moderation, eat real food on a ride and drink loads of water. And failing that: this OGWGFIW prefers Cytomax and Clif Bars.
I used to use Clif Bars, Bloks and the Clif electrolyte drink too, back in the day, but I don’t recall why I stopped (poor mixer for Margaritas, probably.) Then I made my own drink for a while, using:
3 tbsp grapefruit juice
1 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp sugar
dash sea salt
2 cups water
But that always struck me as a ton of sugar for 16 ounces of water plus a little fruit juice, and I got tired of squeezing fruit juice for a half-hour so I could ride for two hours.
I think that’s why I went back to half-strength Gatorade. I mean, it ain’t like you have trouble finding the shit out on the road, and the only thing you have to squeeze is your wallet. But still, damn. You might as well drink out of the Gulf of Mexico.
Lately I ride with plain water and a LäraBar or two. They’re owned by General Mills, just like Muir Glen and Cascadian Farms, so you know it just has to be good, and good for you. Right? Right.
Honestly, I hate taking food with me on any ride, but when I do it is usually either a drink of some sort (rare even now) or Clif Bars. If I am riding where there is not something that is edible, I am not riding. Plain and simple. That being said I have been known to scarf a PayDay or Snickers bar on days when I am hurting. Gatorade works well but it is almost too sweet – and thus easy to chug – but it does in a pinch.
I think your mix of juice, sugar and salt is pretty good. But the secret is really to get it to the point where you will drink it. For me I would rather eat/chew my potassium or salt than drink it. There are three reasons for this: 1) I want to actually sit and eat something, 2) I ride because it is fun (occasional cross races notwithstanding) and 3) no matter how hard I try to increase my riding, I am still an OGWGFIW who also stays fat year-round. Obviously something has to change, but I have found that by forcing myself to stop and eat, it makes me happier, more sociable and enjoy a ride a bit more.
That is not to say that all supplements are bad but my experience is that they tend to be too unlike real food for my taste. Something about masticating during a ride makes it all worth while.
Wow! I haven’t heard the phrase “Death eating a cracker” since I first read it 30-plus years ago in the novel “Family Arsenal”. I could never forget the phrase!
The main character – an urban terrorist/anarchist in the novel by Paul Theroux refers to a stolen Rogier Van der Weyden painting – “my Rogier” – as “Death on a Cracker”. The image haunts him. Now I want to re-read the novel.
Patrick,
Perhaps you needed some of this on your ride.
http://edgeofthewest.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/cimg00081.jpg?w=300&h=22
Perky Jerky Caffeinated Beef Jerky, “the first performance-enhancing meat snack”