Remember the good old days, when a guy who wanted to achieve the glorious state of “wide-awake drunk” had to horn an eight-ball of the dumb dust and drink a liter of Stoli? Expensive, illegal, yet oh so much fun.
Of course, that was when men were still men instead of women, only with testicles and more fashion sense. Popping some orange sunshine, drinking a case of beer and driving downtown to try to tip over a parked boxcar on Larimer Street was our idea of a relaxing Saturday evening with the fellas.
And then America underwent wussification. The old Denver warehouse district became LoDo, a hangout for art fruits, sushi-nibblers and wine-sippers. The Ell-Ess-Dizzy was supplanted by Ecstasy, immortalized by P.J. O’Rourke as “St. Joseph’s Baby Acid.”
And the nose whiskey/gullet whiskey cocktail? It went mainstream in a lamestream fashion with the debut of caffeinated booze-bombs like Four Loko, a pisspot of 12 percent alcohol, 156mg of caffeine and Christ knows what else that sounds like canned dumb-ass to me.
Thank God the FDA and the FTC have the peddlers of this weenie juice by their immature nutsacks with a downhill pull. Maybe the light-hitters who guzzle this swill will grow a hairy pair and sample a manly concoction like windowpane and Jack Daniels, crystal meth and Schlitz Malt liquor or cocaine and whatever anybody else is buying because we spent all our money on the blow, dude. Really. Seriously.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to make myself an Irish coffee.
Mad Blog Media 
Yeah, compared to today’s idiotic 20-somethings, we were a lot smarter when we were being stupid. I recall something about rustling a giant fiberglass cow outside of a steakhouse in Greeley…
Ahhh, yasss … and there was the rolling of shopping carts off a college building, the climbing of the Michener Library, the dropping of objects from the roof of a Denver pub upon unwary Octoberfest spectators, the group singing of “ABCs” for an eye-rolling police officer (thank Christ we were pulled over outside our own house), and the fabled Dance of the Potato Salad.
Smart doesn’t begin to describe it.
Not sure I’m allowed to remember the most interesting of that stuff any more, given my present requirements to be a model citizen on the Dark Side. But the Pumpkin Smashes from the roof of the Math Tower at Rochester were pretty neat. Regaining consciousness while riding my bicycle down the oncoming lanes of the 55 mph Nesconset Highway at 3 a.m. after a very interesting grad school party was not so cool.
Agree that the present weenies are an odd bunch of ducks. You were supposed to experiment to get this fucked up, not depend on mass marketers on Madison Avenue to design the mixtures for you. Fuckin lazy, man….
Good on Herself! I love to hear and see folks do things to save money and take care of their stuff and themselves. Chapeau!
Khal: I’m getting on the Madison Avenue bandwagon. When it’s legal, I’m selling my copyrights to Frito Lay for Mary Jane Doritos and to Betty Crocker for Super Special Brownies. Call me lazy. Or call me Genius!
Chemically fucked up is still fucked up! Looking back is scary, does that mean we have evolved a little as persons? Not necessarily as homo sapiens. Much beer and ISC WPLJ, Oso Negra 150 proof vodka, Everclear is almost hangover free.
ah the joys of waking up on west colfax and propositioning hookers, then waking up in a CSU dorm lounge near your current domicile. Yes we were much superior in out stupidity. all in the same night yes we were paragons of stupidity ,drugs & booze. coors , weed and speed ah the days.
Mankato University, Minnesota. Lobbing water balloons a quarter mile thru dorm windows via giant slingshots made from surgical tubing. I may cry.
Univ. of Rochester, circa 1973. We tied one end of the surgical tubing off and fit the other over a cold water outlet and turned on the water. You could fill those suckers with water and make a water cannon six feet long and four inches wide and carry it around. We had water cannon wars in the dorms. Ahh….the days…