OK, I think I have Freedumb Communications’ little content-distribution problem solved. Let’s run this one up the strategically repositioned collaborative flagpole and see who facilitates a transformative salute in real time.

First you buy up a metric shit-ton of Berg’s Little Printers. You’re buying in bulk, so there should be a deep discount.

Next you pre-program the cute little dickenses to download updates from The Associated Press, Mayor Bach’s smoke-and-mirrors dispensary and the Colorado Springs Police Department blotter. And finally, if there’s anyone left in the art department after the last round of layoffs you get him to redo the face so it looks like Tim Tebow just before you have security escort the poor, no-longer-useful sonofabitch off the premises. Hell, the fucking thing already has orange feet — give it a blue body and you’re golden.

Then you sell ’em to the readership — whoops, pardon me, the community — at a steep markup.

And hey presto! Content delivery without all the hassle, expense and human interaction required in content creation. You’re welcome.

The Bibleburg Gazoo continues to bleed like a hemophiliac with Ebolla in a sandpaper suit.

Yesterday word came — not from the Gazoo, natch — that owner Freedumb Communications had sacrificed another dozen or so staffers to The Invisible Hand of the Free Market.

It wasn’t clear whether editor Jeff Thomas was among those fed to the Beast or resigned in protest.

Today, the G finally issued a statement — in MarketSpeak®. Any journalist who would write content-free spooge like the following should be slapped in the mouth with a copy of “The Elements of Style” (duct-taped to a baseball bat).

The goal is to reposition The Gazette’s content center strategically to create and facilitate community conversation around issues that are important to the region, and deliver relevant information that serves the needs of readers on any platform.

“We need to evolve to meet the changing needs of our audience,” (content director Carmen) Boles said. “We’re embarking on a transformation. We want to collaborate in real-time with the community in defining what is relevant.”

Talk about spinning a story about continuing layoffs at a struggling newspaper in hopes of showing vision rather than myopia. This would be good for an F-minus in any tank-town community-college journalism class. George Gladney would have stuffed copy like this up the author’s ass back in 1977.

I still know people at the G, folks who are doing good work under difficult circumstances. But there are some dreadful hacks on the payroll, too, as the above clip shows all too clearly. And frankly, any newspaper that gives Michelle Malkin a platform is going to have trouble “defining what is relevant.”

It can’t be long before Billy Dean Simpleton at Digital Fist-MerdeNews adds the poor old Gazoo to his odiferous collection of bumwads. There goes the neighborhood.