Give ’er a hand

Garden of the Gods

Pikes Peak peeks out from behind the Garden of the Gods.

One nice thing about quitting a pain-in-the-ass job and not being pissed off all the time is that I find myself noticing the little things again, now that the red haze of homicide unrealized no longer clouds my vision.

Case in point. Having shot a Velo-sized hole in my wallet I’ve spent a couple of days test-driving grocery stores that are not Whole Foods to gauge the extent, quality and price of their organic offerings. Yesterday it was a Safeway, today a King Soopers. Neither was particularly impressive, barring a real steal on Greek yogurt at the King Soopers.

As I walked into the Safeway some pretty young women of color were walking out, weaving around an elderly white man in a motorized wheelchair. One complained, “I’m hungry.” Another said, “So eat, nigga!” The poor old boy in the wheelchair did a slo-mo double-take, wearing the sort of expression you might expect from a pro-lifer who just saw an abortion-clinic janitor pitchforking defunct fetuses into a Dumpster.

Then today, going into the Soopers, I noticed another attractive young woman who seemed very pleased with herself, strutting along as though she were a model on a runway. I’m guessing her mood had something to do with the dusty, perfect imprint of a left hand on her right butt cheek. That’ll put some spring into the step of just about anybody, even a 57-year-old underemployed rumormonger of the cycling persuasion.

Speaking of which, between bouts of people-watching I squeezed in a nice 90-minute ride today. Goddamn shiftless disloyal Fenian bastards. Can’t hold onto a part-time job for more than 22 years and yet they have the cheek to insult the working man with bouts of casual cycling during business hours.

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18 Responses to “Give ’er a hand”

  1. BenS Says:

    Increased free time does lead to increased awareness, some times best not shared with the wife, of goodnesses.

    You just had an amazing run of it in just one day. A healthy sign.

    Keep it up. Almost as much fun as the snark.

  2. Libby Says:

    Will we hear a report on the Walmart supermarket (there must be one) in Bibleburg?

    How about Rick (“I never said black”) Santorum — less entertaining than Perry and even stupider? Just saw ‘Anderson Cooper 360’ play video (3x) of Santorum saying “black” people.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Libby, the only way I’ll set foot in a Walmart is to apply for a job as a greeter and in the process rob the sumbitch at gunpoint. Walmarts are as common as small hat sizes and crucifixes in these parts.

      Plus Walmart dropped one of their “super” jobs on top of my favorite Bibleburg drive-in movie theater, the Aircadia on Platte Avenue/Highway 24. The place was born the year after I was, and God only knows how many Bibleburgers were conceived in the place.

      You have no idea how many stoners a guy could smuggle into a drive-in with the right car.

  3. barry Says:

    In case you haven’t already heard of it, check out Environmental Working Group’s Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 ( for a list of fruits and vegetables that you might not necessarily have to get organic versions of. Onions is one that doesn’t necessarily benefit too much in organic form. Unfortunately potatoes are better gotten organic, and those can be hard to find around my parts sometimes.

    Another option is to use your newfound extra time to do some light gardening this year…tomatoes, peppers, etc.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Yup, hip to the Dirty Dozen, Barry … and you know how we bog-trotters love us some untainted spuds. But gardening, damn, that sounds an awful lot like work. Maybe if there were some Englishman or a Scottish Presbyterian in charge. …

    • Ira Says:

      I tried that gardening thing a few times. It took me all summer to grow vegetables I could have bought at the farmers market for $20, and the buggers all seemed to ripen at the same time. If I figured my time at a buck an hour, it probably cost me 5 times as much to grow them vs buying. Maybe it’s just our short growing season?

  4. rodney Says:

    Check out the Vitamin Cottage – or, Natural Grocers by Vitamin Cottage as they like to be called now. Awesome stores, very good prices. I also like to visit Mountain Mama on west Uintah whenver I visit the Springs – I have a soft spot for the old school hippie granola stores – they aren’t the cheapest place to go, but it’s an experience.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Rodney, we do some business with Vitamin Cottage-Natural Grocers, but you really want to keep an eye on expiration dates with that lot. They’ve been strong supporters of bike racing in Colorado, though, so I try to shove a few bucks their way.

      And Mountain Mama — hell yeah. They’re just up the road from Dogpatch and always get to nibble some kibble from the Dog’s fiscal dish. Bikey and scooter types there, too, which is always a plus.

  5. Khal Spencer Says:

    Also might want to check out whether there are any co-ops in your neck of the woods. Sometimes cheaper than the commercial, i.e., Whole Paycheck version, and they bring in good grub.

    Barry is right. Not all vegetables and fruits bioaccumulate organic pesticides, heavy metals and other crap equally. Check which stuff is best bought organic and which don’t matter, and save a few bucks.

    For that matter, at our age, taste probably matters more than bio-accumulation of evil chemicals. I suspect you and I already have done enough damage and are just waiting for the bill to come in. I did heavy liquid separations in grad school so I suspect anything I do to my liver right now is an inconsequential afterthought.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Oh, yeah. Roger that, K. We used to ride our bikes behind the DDT trucks croaking skeeters on Randolph AFB. I’m surprised I don’t have a prehensile tail, a third eye and a double row of hairy tits down my back.

  6. Larry T. Says:

    All this food talk makes me appreciate how fortunate we are here with this market every day but Sunday
    will show you a poorly shot and edited video clip of the famous outdoor market on the island of Ortigia. This is less than five minutes walk from our apartment. Most of the stuff is locally grown and right now the oranges are simply amazing! Pears too. Here folks eat fruits and vegetables not because they’re good for them, it’s because they taste good. It’s really going to be tough to go back to the USA and supermarkets full of long-past-fresh fruits and vegetables.
    I’m with you Patrick on Sprawl-Mart…they can never do enough good with organics, recycling, philanthropy, etc. to UNDO the destruction they’ve caused with predatory pricing and the race-to-the-bottom with wages and benefits to their employees.

    • Khal Spencer Says:

      Santa Fe Open Market looks a tad like that, at least during the summer and fall. Lots of people, lots of good food to be had. We try to do as much of our shopping as possible from local farmers markets and co-ops, which we now belong to two of, and use Trader Joes and Whole Paycheck as backup.

      For us, being of Italian and Indian (U.P./Punjab variety) background, its all about the food.

      • Larry T. Says:

        This is the best one we’ve seen, but probably because it’s full of ITALIAN stuff and Italian people more than anything else. Before we leave here I’ll try to get a video clip of some of the fish vendors and their “singing” out to customers. It’s not done just for tourists, as this time of year they’re few and far between and we’ve heard it nowhere else.

  7. Khal Spencer Says:

    Good one here from George Carlin.

  8. Khal Spencer Says:

    All’s Quiet on the Dogs(h)ite Front?

  9. High Plains Drifters Says:

    Of topic, but kinda sorta funny

    “IKEA, you’re next.”

  10. barry Says:

    If we could just get the foreign policy Ron Paul, I might not mind him so much. It’s a lot of the other stuff in his platform that sucks.

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