Bang! Pow! To the moon!

The Man in the Moon

Ground Control to Major Newt. ...

Newt Gingrich wants to go to the moon. I propose that we send him there as soon as possible.

Dredge up an old Gemini capsule and a Titan II rocket, stuff Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer in there with him for company, and three … two … one … blast off!

The world is thus unburdened of a pair of massive egos and the bad-noise level in the United States diminishes considerably. You’re welcome.

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14 Responses to “Bang! Pow! To the moon!”

  1. Beth Wrenn-Estes Says:

    Here’s my $5.00 towards their trip.

  2. barry Says:

    With all due respect Beth, $5 ain’t gonna get Knew-it anywhere near the moon too quickly. Rockets don’t grow on trees you know?

    I propose we run this idea by old Mittens. He’s got the war chest and the desire to make something like this happen a whole lot faster.

    Now I’m just sayin’… somebody could suggest Mittens be there to see Knew-it off. Then one of us or our minions could give Mittens a friendly shove into the capsule with Knew-it and bolt the door down tighter than Santorum’s bunghole.

    Problems solved.

  3. jeff cozad Says:

    Well… The Newt-Wit might have a problem or two with this. First off is getting new hardware built and man rated by the end of his, Dog forbid, second term would be quite a stretch. Hell, I doubt they could get the contracts let and the funding together the end of his first term (Why do my toes curl when I type that?).

    Then there is that Lunar Colony that might be big nough to apply for Statehood. The historian seems to have forgotten that the US signed, in 1969, a little UN treaty.

    http://www.oosa.unvienna.org/oosa/SpaceLaw/outerspt.html

    One of the provisions of which is: “Outer space and celestial bodies are not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by any other means.” Oops

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Sir, are you suggesting that the Newtron Bum is not the historian he thinks he is? Harumph, sir. What a despicable way to begin a comment. Harumph, socialism, food stamps, etc., et al., and so on and so forth.

    • High Plains Drifters Says:

      You’re going back too far. You want him to remember something that happened in the ’60s? He doesn’t remember that he personally spoke out against Wash DC statehood just a few years ago.

      Dude is what dumb people think smart sounds like.

  4. James Says:

    Newt’s “so full of himself he’s bound to explode”…..per the Austin Lounge Lizards “Gingrich the Newt” on their 1995 album Small Minds. The agonizingly slow countdown continues…..

    Gingrich the Newt: http://www.youtube.com/watchv=j01Wkw8Lqu4

  5. James Says:

    Oops a question mark dropped in the url.

  6. Khal Spencer Says:

    Funny how great minds think alike.

  7. Steve O Says:

    Debate prediction for tonight: all of the candidates tear into Mitch Daniels for not ending his SOTU rebuttal with “God bless America.”

    What? No one noticed?

  8. Steve O Says:

    Going to the moon totally makes up for Bush canceling those animal-human hybrid experiments.

  9. BenS Says:

    Don’t take Newt to the moon. I mean what have the moon people done to deserve it? Besides the Rooskies are always looking for a test payload now that their boom to launch ratio isn’t safe enough for chimps.

    Don’t send Brewer just yet either the state still has to buy back the capital building. Really who sells their capital and then leases it back?

  10. BenS Says:

    Sounds like a good Kickstarter proposal.

  11. Larry T. Says:

    I’m lucky I didn’t click on this first-thing in the morning, nobody should have to start their day looking at or reading about Newt Gingrich. How the hell can the USA have a president with a name like Newt or Mitt anyway? Italians asked us how the hell W could be our president and we shot back that they had Berlusconi….now that we have Obama and they have (cyclist) Mario Monti things are getting better, although slowly….how long can it last?

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