Free dumb (handling charges apply)

C'mon. You just knew it was gonna end badly.

C’mon. You just knew it was gonna end badly.

Sounds like there’s an opening in the PR department at the Dildopolis National Dipshit Preserve near Burns, Oregon.

I beg your pardon. It appears that the opening is in the PR guy.

If you have a knack for misunderstanding the Constitution, a big mouth and more firearms than an African warlord, send your résumé to Al Bundy, Dildopolis National Dipshit Preserve, Princeton, OR 97721.

No pay, but plenty of free dumb.

Also, one (1) tinfoil beanie will be issued. Size small. Nicely ventilated. See quartermaster and human resources director Sid Icious.

• Late update: This just in from Minister of War Nathan Haleoimustbegoing: “Give me liberty or give me dea … uh, a few minutes to pack.”

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27 Responses to “Free dumb (handling charges apply)”

  1. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Smart move by the feds to nab these bozos on the road rather than while barricaded in their “compound”. These clowns should have had their hot chocolate delivered rather than going out to get it themselves. They really put the DUMB in Free-Dumb I guess?

  2. khal spencer Says:

    Well done, Patrick. My worry is that some will actually apply.

    So here is what I want to know. If Craven Dumbdee and his band of idiots really think the way to go is to pick up arms and say that God is on their side, how about ten times that number of Native Americans take up arms and do the same to the Bundy clan. “Whose land do you think you are on, paleface?” Long story on NPR this morning that interviewed some of the Original Inhabitants who are getting fed up with the freeloaders down their way.

    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/01/27/464490320/dispute-over-cattle-grazing-blocks-patrols-of-federal-land

  3. Sharon Says:

    Play with fire, someone gets burned. Were they so deluded they thought it would end up that they would get their free land grab. Maybe they thought the Donald would help them.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Lot of balls in the air on this one. I’m not sure there’s a juggler with the chops to handle them all.

      Using the miracle of hindsight, it sure seems like we can lay the blame for this at the feet of whichever paper-shuffler decided it was a bad idea to come down on Daddy Bundy like the proverbial million-pound shithammer.

      If this were a proper fascist state, as these yahoos think it is, the black helicopters would’ve swooped down on the old man’s place in Nevada at the time the Oregon fuzz was snatching up his boys.

      Interesting, too, that the charges are the sort levied against Earth First!, JDL and antiwar activists. I suppose that given the current composition of The Supremes a sedition charge could be laughed off as a First Amendment right.

      • khal spencer Says:

        I too think the Cliven Bundy standoff, where the Feds slunk away, empowered these asshats. Question is, where will it go from here?

        With these Y’allQuida types having their own self-reinforcing Internet bubble, they can choose to only listen to the voices in their heads. This could get nasty before it gets better.

        Perhaps the Feds shoulda gone in with the 101st Airborne right from the start. Both in Oregon and at Pappy’s Freeloading Ranch. You wanna use your 2A rights to take on the government? Fine, then deal with the consequences.

  4. Charley Auer Says:

    Hopefully the Free-dumbers will be served free dumb turds in solitary for along spell! I still want Cliven out of Gold Butte and pan handling in south LA.

  5. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Sure is a trial by fire for one’s compassion.
    Nows it is time to turn off all utilities and lay siege until the last one surrenders. No free passes. Direct to jail, no $200 for passing go.
    On second thought, call in the AC-130 gunships and hose the place down. Buildings looked like they needed replacement anyway.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Pat, it seems these bold stalwarts have added women and children to their ranks. That might be one of the reasons Uncle has been making nice, waiting for the alleged adults to leave the jamboree before pouncing. Otherwise. …

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        I thought the women and children were gone. Early reports said that the guys who got arrested called back and told those in the preserve to get the women and children out. But, some of the women are guilty as well. But kids are blameless. Damn cowards alway hiding behind non-combatants. OK, NO AC-130, just 10 good snipers. Sigourney Weaver is one of my favorite actors for many reasons. But getting into that space suit……

      • khal spencer Says:

        Yeah. After that space suit scene, I’d marry her in a heartbeat.

    • khal spencer Says:

      Surprised they have not turned off the utilities after last night.

  6. Jon Paulos Says:

    This reminds me of two only slightly related historical events.

    1. Remember Eddy B? First “real” coach the US National Team ever had, put us on the map. Also introduced “modern” doping methods to US riders, and used blood doping at the 1984 Olympics. I remember an interview where (and I paraphrase) he said, “Go ahead and cheat all you want. Just don’t complain if you get caught.” Throw the book at them.

    2. Andrew Jackson was confronted with secessionist talk during his second term of office. Leader was either Clay or Calhoun, I forget. He threatened to personally hang the guy if he opened his mouth in public again about secession. Jackson’s (well-deserved) reputation for meaning what he said was such that it had the desired result, and that was the end of secession talk during his presidency. I wouldn’t like to see him back, but it does make me a little wistful.

    So some of the occupiers got arrested and one killed? I guess I’m a little surprised that it didn’t happen sooner. I understand the need to not repeat Ruby Ridge or Whacko, but I should think that by now the federales would have this one under control better.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      It has been an interesting approach, for sure. You have to wonder whether part of the thinking might have been, “Let’s just let these dudes act out for a while and see how many more we didn’t know about pop out of the woodwork to join and/or cheer ’em on. Then we backtrack on those dudes, and find even more dudes, and. …”

      And like that there. Security sure doesn’t appear to have been part of their skill set.

  7. bromasi Says:

    I guess the magic tarp didn’t work.

  8. bromasi Says:

    I agree about the Native Americans give the land back to them.

  9. Steve O Says:

    “He would never ever want to hurt somebody, but he does believe in defending freedom and he knew the risks involved.”

    High up on the list of political ideological cognitive dissonance is the idea that we are somehow a Christian nation which believes guns are the answer to everything.

    ” I didn’t want to hurt anybody… It’s just my constitutional obligation to carry guns everywhere I go.”

    Jesus said to turn the other cheek, so I waited for him to turn the other cheek, and I blasted him in that one, too.

    At some point, these folks need to pick a side.

  10. khal spencer Says:

    “…Earlier in the day, those who remained — several armed and in camouflage — seemed skittish and scared in a series of live video feeds. They were shown abandoning refuge buildings and heading for remote areas of the reserve in their trucks…”

    Dimwits.

  11. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    Too bad Ted (I think we should use his real name – RAFAEL) Cruz wasn’t up there showing support against the government. The Rethugs go on and on about how government doesn’t work – and as soon as they get elected they start trying to prove it.

  12. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Can one or all of you lend me $1.5 megabucks? I want to debate Trump, and that is what it costs. So who says there is too much money in politics?

  13. Mike Frye Says:

    The question is why are these guys so upset the first place? Evidently they once were able to have their cows graze on public land and now they’re not. Something’s happened in the intervening few years that made them all go ballistic. Seems to me that this is a really stupid reason to get killed over.

    Now I live in Oregon, but the part I live in is the soggy part, not the high desert where these guys are. One third of the state’s soggy and three quarters is in the high desert. Seems to me that this whole thing could have been handled with some negotiation. No one needed could die over this BS.

    As usual the federal government decided to lower the boom on these bozos and somebody died because of cow feed, as far as I’m concerned nobody looks good here.

  14. Geekonabike Says:

    Almost like “Driving while Black” except most of them lived

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