Acid test

The back yard is flowering up at light speed.

As I fought my own losing battle with seasonal allergies on Friday it was a pleasant distraction to see Darth Cheeto and Paul “Lyin'” Ryan sound “Retreat” and skedaddle off into the swamp, their shit-stained tails tucked between their legs.

The weather here has abruptly become more seasonable, which is to say less awesome, but Herself and I got out for a 40-minute trail run yesterday. Her pink “Bernie” shirt accessorized nicely with the blooming foliage while my wheezing was just another instrument in the symphony of shortcomings that is the U.S. health-care system (albuterol inhalers just plain cost too fucking much, even without additional tax cuts for the rich).

For a guy whose stash box once made Walgreens look like Baskin-Robbins I have developed a surprising reluctance to take drugs, for anything, even asthma and allergies. Non-Drowsy Claritin-D 12 Hour (pseudoephedrine sulfate) reminds me of decent speed for the first couple of hours, but after that it’s all like, “Dude, where’s my cognitive functions?”

That said, when I saw I was down to my last two tabs I was all like, “Whoa!” and toddled off to the Walgreens for another box.

That shit don’t be cheap, neither. And you can’t just pull it off a shelf. No, you must negotiate with the pharmacist to get it (thanks, meth-heads). But once you show the whitecoats that (a) you have all your teefers; (2) aren’t furiously scratching any open sores; and (III) aren’t twitching like you just got tased by the John Laws, why, all you have to do is fork over the $23.99 for 20 tabs.

Shit, that’s about what I used to pay for acid in the good old days (dealer’s discount). It was loads more fun than Claritin-D, and I don’t recall my nose running, either.

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11 Responses to “Acid test”

  1. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    $1.20 a dose? Well, how-the-hell else are the pharma boyz supposed to afford those TeeVee ads on the national news broadcasts? ANYTHING they plug on those TV ads has a YUUUuuge profit margin, but I wonder – no generic version of this stuff at a lower price?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Prob’ly is, Larry. But once I find something that works, even if it’s only kinda-sorta, I tend to stick with it, having had issues with the various adulterants the medical-industrial complex likes to dump into its dope.

      For instance: Back in the late Sixties or early Seventies, a doctor prescribed Tedral for my allergies. Very speedy, sez he; don’t be selling this stuff to your hippie pals, ho ho ho.

      Well sir, I takes this speedy medication and boom! Out like a light for about 12 hours.

      Turns out they put phenobarbital in the Tedral to take the edge off the ephedrine. And I must’ve been allergic to the phenobarb’. Can’t get it in the U.S. anymore.

      I steered clear of downers after that, I don’t mind telling you. I wanted my speed to have some speed in it.

  2. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Claritin D locks up my prostate tighter than a gnat’s ass stretched over a rain barrel! I become “peeless” in Sierra Vista. Benadryl works fine for me, and like you I am trying to take it only when necessary. Riding really does a good job of clearing out the snot locker, but then I have to wash my gloves when I get back.

    Our allergies are improving here as the trees are mostly done flowering, especially the damn mulberries. They can’t be planted in the city any more, like your little burg, but the old neighborhoods still have them.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      All these speedy deals make me pee like a racehorse. Doesn’t help that I usually drink a whole lot of hot tea when I’m all boogered up.

      The Weather Underground actually issued a pollen alert today. Those mulberries that the city won’t let you plant here are apparently rockin’ out.

  3. Dale Says:

    If I was selling acid these days, I would concentrate my efforts on the right sides of the House and Senate aisles. They’ll need it for the upcoming tax and infrastructure bills – not to mention town halls (maybe Qualudes there).

    I’ll just sit back and read Andy Borowitz from time to time in order to catch up on the news.

  4. JD Dallager Says:

    Happy 63d, PO’G…..a day early!

    Continue to smell the roses… can pass on the mulberries!

    Cheers and best to you, Herself, and The Menagerie………JD

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Thanks, JD. Y’all diggin’ out up there? Looks like the old hometown took a pounding.

      Wind and cooler temps down here. I snuck out for a short ‘cross-bike ride around 2 and flatted a half hour in. Grrr. Thought I was rockin’ the sealant tubes in all my bikes. But it would appear that in my case, age has failed to bring wisdom.

      • JD Dallager Says:

        Well. PO’G….as I’ve learned the hard way in many endeavors……wisdom is not hereditary (and often DOES NOT come with age).

        We’re expecting more snow Tuesday PM / Wednesday AM and then Friday as well. Back to the much-loved indoor trainer for a while I guess. But, the moisture sure is welcome here….hoping it mitigates what could be potentially a bad fire season this summer.

  5. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Happy Birthday Patrick!

  6. DownhillBill Says:

    Happy birthday, PO’G, and also, belatedly, to JD.
    They seem like more of an accomplishment these days,no?

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