No foolin’

The wisteria is going wild out front.

We don’t do April Fool’s Day around El Rancho Pendejo, reasoning that it’s a sort of amateur hour, on a par with New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day and Election Day for the serious drinker.

Plus, I mean, like, damn. Reality is a tough act to follow lately. At any given minute you can point to eleventy-seven things on the Innertubes that seem outrageously improbable and yet are demonstrably true, or demonstrably false and improbably outrageous. Like just about everything else, the high art of bullshittery has been swamped by low-quality mass production.

Meanwhile, it’s 40-something and raining sideways in Duke City, so Herself has passed the morning paying her respects to various elders — phone calls with her dad’s second wife and our tenant in Bibleburg, FaceTime with her mom — and just now she hung up to scamper off to yoga, which can be done indoors.

Cycling indoors is more of a stretch — for me, anyway — and so I may go for a short run.

I’m also contemplating a sweeping purge of the family electronics. We have far too much of that crap around here, thanks to someone’s penchant for collecting Apple products, and it’s long past time some of them went away.

I mean, who needs an 800 MHz G3 iBook from 2002, or a 1.5 GHz G4 PowerBook from ’05? A scroll-wheel iPod from the same year? A 2011 iPad 2 that peaked with iOS9? They still work and all, unlike democracy, but they’re about as cutting-edge as a soup spoon.

The elderly iPod came in handy when I still rode the trainer, but see paragraph four. Come to think about it, there’s that stationary trainer cluttering up my meditation room-slash-podcasting studio. And those furshlugginer heart-rate monitors! Everything must go, going out of business going out of business. …

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8 Responses to “No foolin’”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    I spent 68 years accumulating stuff; I plan on spending the remainder of my time getting rid of most of it. The last move got rid of a lot of it. Getting rid of surround sound equipment and going to simple stereo got rid of some more. The high school mountain bike team got a Camelbak ,with a new bladder and bite valve, A POC helmet, some pedals, and a GoPro camera so far this year. Every time I get rid of something I don’t use anymore it feels so goooood.

    Bullshittery. Can I steal that?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      We shed a lot of crap in the move here, Pat. But not enough. I have this hoarder’s instinct when it comes to Macs. “But honey, it still works …” Yeah, well, so do I, just not very well. So off it goes. I, however, shall remain.

      Hal could use an iPad, so he’ll get that. The rest of the stuff is too old for pretty much anyone to make any use of, so it’ll get recycled.

      As for “bullshittery,” feel free to use it as you will. I’m certain I lifted it from somewhere. I collect these things the way a dog does fleas.

  2. larryatcycleitalia Says:

    We’re gonna be shedding a LOT of stuff when we finally get the OK to move to Italy! You reminded me I should haul the ancient FAX machine out of the posh CycleItalia office and down to the e-waste recycling bin.
    April 1? I woke up hoping someone would say the Greasy Orange Turd’s election was all an elaborate April Fool’s joke – but the joke’s on us I guess.
    One thing that’s no joke is the TeeVee news people’s seemingly constant need to visit the morons who voted for Trump to see if they’ve come to their senses yet. Who cares? It’s too late! Even if the guy chokes to death on a KFC bone, we end up with Pence!

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      We unloaded our old fax machine back in Bibleburg. Remember when that was a must-have? And when you’d answer your landline and hear a fax tone? And the yahoo on the other end couldn’t understand why his fax wasn’t going through and so he’d have a few dozen more goes at it?

      Good times. Maybe not.

      The NYT is canvassing the Trumpeteers for signs of discontent, too. Those people really need to get out of New York more often. It’s a little late for “I told you so,” especially when they didn’t. The Hilldebeast’s emails seemed a lot more important for some unknown reason.

      And yeah, Ha’pence ain’t exactly trading up. The whole line of succession looks more like a lineup to me, with nary an honest copper in sight.

      • Pat O'Brien Says:

        Yep, those Humpty Trumpty ( yea, I stole it from an anonymous source) supporters must be glad he flushed the rich elites out of the administration. This was the message of the day to Flake, McLame, and McFolly, “Based on congressional actions in the last six months, my confidence in congress, on a scale from 0 to 10, is zero.”

        Looking like rain here right now. One can hope.

        If tomorrow is nice it will be time for some brain pan flushing on the Saga.

        Sandy has got a bug of some kind and not feeling well. I better go make some more peppermint tea.

  3. Dale Says:

    I just put “bullshit” into a translator. It is amazing that so many languages accept it as there own. Our new administration is producing huge amounts of bullshit – so much bullshit that it will need to be buried deep in the earth. Very soon we will need to hire thousands of people to dig this bullshit up for consumption in 2018. Sounds like opportunity to me.

    I’ll bet that “bullshit” will proliferate throughout the world. Some academic should start a poll.

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