A sinus of the times

“Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to have a Kleenex, would you?”

The local allergists must be making money hand over nose.

Between the wind and the drought my snout spent most of this week looking like an undercooked calzone. Or maybe it’s auditioning for the latest addition to the “Alien” canon in which the beast blasts out of its victims’ faces instead of their chests.

I have not sought medical attention for fear that the whitecoats would wish to keep me, to study. “Hm, maybe evolution is bullshit after all.” Instead I’ve been self-medicating with various pills and potions, irrigating the ol’ calzone with saline solution, and periodically steaming it like a pierogi.

Shit. Now I’m hungry for some reason. Maybe not.

Naturally, I’ve been trying to exercise through this, which is like drinking Sterno to quell that nasty ache in your liver. It’s not too bad while you’re barreling along, strafing buzzworms with snot rockets, getting the blood pumping, but back at the ranch it’s all Kleenex and Carmex, sniffling like a Trump capo getting done to a turn on Bob Mueller’s grill.

Night before last God decided He wanted to be John Bonham for a while and played the drum solo from “Moby Dick” on the neighborhood, all night long, using nothing but wind and whatever wasn’t solidly nailed down.

Cooler weather followed and thus I spent yesterday indoors, returning El Rancho Pendejo to a habitable state in anticipation of Herself’s triumphant return from a five-day confab in Virginia, because I know what’s good for me and an ass-whuppin’ isn’t it. God and John Bonham aren’t the only folks who know how to swing a stick.

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19 Responses to “A sinus of the times”

  1. Pat O'Brien Says:

    My schnozzle has been relatively quiet this week. But, I have a pulled tendon or muscle in my left leg that just doesn’t want to heal up even after a week of inactivity, which does nothing for my attitude except foul it up. And, my foul attitude causes Sandy to look at me with the thought that the desert is big and the shovel is handy in the garage. I am going for a short ride tomorrow just to test the old body. If I must, I will go see the nurse practitioner/doctor, but I getting to know them well enough to invite them over for dinner. You can bet your ass I ain’t missing the Ruta.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      I know that look. The one that says, “No court in the land would convict me, even if I got caught, which I won’t.” Hell, Herself wouldn’t even have to dig the hole. She could charge my critics by the minute for shovel time.

  2. lisafw Says:

    Just reading this made my allergies flair up. Bleah. The pollens are bad here too, in the Peoples Republic, but snow today, so a slight reprieve. From allergies & biking :/

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Oh, yeah, right, it’s bicycle-racing season, so naturally it’s snowing.

      How you folks doing up there in the Republic? Is the auld fella still pinning on numbers and going round in circles?

    • JD Dallager Says:

      4 inches of the white powder (snow) here in Bibleburg and surroundings…..33 degrees….no pollen….no outside riding! BUT…..it’s “Springtime in The Rockies” and we need all the moisture we can get. Gonna be a real bad fire season I suspect. Already had 23 homes lost to fire just east of here.

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        The worst of the fire seems to have attacked the old Hanover Loop, one of our road rides from Back In the Day®. It was always a good loop for working on your echelon skills. Not much to block the wind out there.

        • Not Jusak Says:

          The fire was moving so fast the it over took a cop car and fire truck. They were doing ~35 mph on the dirt roads and the fire pushed by the wind was going faster.

    • khal spencer Says:

      Aha. The other People’s Republic….how are things up there, Comrade?

  3. Not Jusak Says:

    Try all that with 2 busted ribs and a lung that will not inflate all the way. It’s one up-manship I dislike very much.

  4. Libby Says:

    Patrick and other hurtin’ folks I hope you all feel better/heal soon. The title of your post has given me an earworm. I am hurtled back into the ’60s. Apparently, I am imprinted with every Petula Clark song and can sing them with just the merest reminder of a title! All over the radio when I was 12/13. “It’s a Sign of the Times”, “My Love”, “Don’t Sleep in the Subway”, and more! Really, it’s more like ear candy though, than a worm!

  5. khal spencer Says:

    Wind up here has been really amazing. The other day I was riding home from work on the BMW and had a little trouble staying on one line. The 40-50 mph tailwinds on NM 502 turned into side gusts on US 84/285. Makes life exciting.

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