From The Failing New York Times

ByeDon wins. Time for a Cold 45!

Meanwhile, at a golf course somewhere in Virginia, a 3-iron spirals into a water hazard.

• Extra-Credit Bonus Snark: Most Jersey reporter ever tells Trump supporter to “Fuck off.”

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23 Responses to “From The Failing New York Times”

  1. Libby Says:

    At last! But, not finally, unfortunately. Part 1

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      • Patrick O'Grady Says:

        We’re just gonna kinda enjoy the moment here at El Rancho Pendejo, Libby. The shit sammich is still very much on the plate, but we don’t have to eat it right this second.

        Speaking of shit sammiches, let us all take a moment and bow our heads in prayer for the poor sods at SNL, where every skit planned for tonight’s show just went straight into the round file.

        • Libby Says:

          Speaking of point of view and sandwich, I’m reminded of Warren Zevon. Zevon’s response to David Letterman’s question (paraphrased), what have you learned about life, “Enjoy every sandwich.”

        • Patrick O'Grady Says:

          Oh, yeah! When I saw Pat O’B’s comment about enjoying a Cubano my first thought was, “Damn, I want a sammich.”

      • Libby Says:

        Ha! “Rubberband Man” by The Spinners might work, too. “Hand me down my walking cane…”. Couldn’t find one without an ad or tweaked in some way.

  2. Shawn Says:

    Will the warhead go off before we are able to launch the rocket into the sun? We have about 73 days to find out.

    “We were able to carefully and quickly dig the fire ant mound out of the ground. We now have 73 seconds to carry the mound out to the pond and toss it off into the watery abyss before the tentacles of ants make their way up the shovel handle and begin to live up to their fire ant name.”

    Or better yet. “The bus with the escaped convict is careening down the highway. Law enforcement is doing all they can to keep the public safe but the convict-in-bus is running cars off the road, running over any cyclists that are along his path, and tossing scoops of bullshit out the bus’s windows at innocent citizens – bullshit that he has religiously collected in mypillow pillow cases during his incarceration. Participatory instigators on the bus are escaping out the rear by jumping out onto the rough chip-seal roadway, some of which not able to survive the bone breaking, skin tearing road rash that results from their tumble. Law enforcement has only 73 more miles to try and keep the destruction to a minimum before the bus reaches the end of the road and the cliff. The cliff that is treacherous enough, and high enough where Vlad’s ladder cannot reach the top. May the tires on the bus stay inflated long enough to keep the destruction to a minimum.”

    “It’s the end of the world as we know it. It’s the end of the world as we know it. and I feel fine……”

    Good luck Joe !

  3. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Well, 290 and it’s sprinkling rain. Hot damn.

  4. Shawn Says:

    I understand that in Arizona you can now enjoy a 420 while relishing attaining a 270. Unless perhaps you are Sheriff Joe Ara-piewhole.

  5. Pat O’Brien Says:

    You are correct Shawn! Plus we all voted, a majority anyway, to tax the rich to provide more school funding. This whole state is becoming more like Bisbee!

  6. khal spencer Says:

    Don’t let the Main Gate hit you in the ass, Donnie!

  7. Stan Thomas Says:

    Headline from Scottish newspaper “South Ayreshire Golf Club Owner Loses 2020 Election”.
    https://www.ayrshiredailynews.co.uk/post/south-ayrshire-golf-club-owner-loses-2020-presidential-election

  8. Hurben Says:

    I will, of course be sinking several of these bad boys..

    https://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/us-election-new-zealands-behemoth-brewerys-dump-the-trump-beer-sales-spike/CPFLXPQAWXUBZCRBEKZXI5FY4Q/

    I also have a few of their “Impeachment” ales in the fridge

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