Let’s not start sucking each other’s — well, you know — quite yet.
Well.
Keeping the advice of the redoubtable Winston Wolf in mind, the news out of Georgia seems … well, frankly, astonishing. Shit, I might ask for a recount, and these are my people we’re talking about here.
Next in the spotlight is what should be a routine confirmation, during a joint session of Congress, of Sleepy Joe’s victory in the Electoral College. One small step for man, one giant leap toward issuing that eviction notice effective Jan. 20.
Yet again, we acknowledge the wisdom of The Wolf.
The Turtle has many tricks up his shell, as does the Flying Monkey Caucus. Also, Adolf Twitler’s Brown Noses are in the streets, and one wonders how many more are wearing brass hats in the Pentagon.
And Mike Ha’pence, the Envelope Opener-in-Chief, is such a fence-straddling chickenshit that you will never find his feet firmly on the ground on one side of an issue.
Particularly this one. His bet was called and now he has to show his hand, which contains nothing but an envelope full of bad news for his dumb ass. He has peered timidly into the future and seen that neither Jesus nor history will treat him kindly, if indeed the Republic survives to have a history that chronicles his craven, self-serving obesiance to a dime-store dictator, and that our posterity retains enough literacy to read it.
All he can do is dance like a puppet, one final time. But to whose tune? One foot to one beat, the other to another, as per usual. No matter who’s holding his strings for this final performance on the American political stage, he will never be a real boy.
He’s gonna have one helluva nose, though. Stained a deep and odiferous brown, too.
• Update: Well, Adolf’s Brown Noses aren’t in the streets anymore. They’re in the Capitol. Naturally, they didn’t check their white privilege at the door. These dudes were Black, they’d have been dead 10 times already. I also seem to recall a rather robust response to Vietnam War protests in the vicinity. But them was hippies, so, whatevs.
The lighter side of the news, from
the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
• Update No. 2: Mother Times calls it for Ossoff in Georgia, which means the Donks have the Senate. Storm that, motherfuckers.
• Update No. 3: Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) tweets that she’s drawing up articles of impeachment against Adolf Twitler. Sounds a bit like horses and barn doors, but there has been discussion of this elsewhere as a prophylactic measure to keep the stubby ginger dick from rising again. The National Association of Manufacturers, meanwhile, called on Ha’Pence to A25 his boss’s fat ass. Yeah, good luck with that. He’s already soiled his armor.
• Update No. 4: Charlie Pierce has gone full “throw the rascal out.” And as usual, I agree. Adolf Twiter goes out on his fat ass, Ha’Pence gets to be president for a few days, and then the shovels and mops come out. Sure, maybe he wants to get tossed out, and then have Ha’Pence pardon him, a la Nixon-Ford. Still, sez Chazbo: “Leaving him in place even for an hour would be the final dereliction of duty, and we have had far too many of those. Force him out. Do it now. Complicity is its own dark reward.”
Tags: Adolf Twitler, Brown Noses, Congress, Electoral College, Georgia, Mike Ha'pence, Pulp Fiction, Quentin Ferrentino, Sleepy Joe, Winston Wolf
Mad Blog Media 
January 6, 2021 at 7:03 am |
Shit, Q tips can’t dance.
January 6, 2021 at 8:47 am |
PS: That was an superb bit of writing! It seems your tool box is still full. Chapeau!
January 6, 2021 at 9:18 am |
Thank you, sir. Did that one on one cup of coffee. Oof, gonna be a long day. More coffee is indicated.
January 6, 2021 at 10:28 pm |
You jinxed us with the “long day” jab. Switched from coffee to Elevation 5003 Straight Rye before noon.
Trying to explain today to my kids. “This isn’t who we are,” I tell them. The youngest is eight. She only knows from Trump. Hit me back with, “Kinda sounds like who we are.”
January 7, 2021 at 6:50 am |
Oof. Out of the mouth of babes. That’s mighty young to be learning that the shining city on a hill is a theme park owned by Disney.
January 6, 2021 at 8:46 am |
Then again, if Pence plays puppet to Trump’s tune one last time, what has he got to lose? What penalties does he realistically face if he goes rogue? Censure? Impeachment? By the time Congress would get its act together to put either of those two in place, Pence will be out of office. The Constitution specifies the duties of the VP in totaling and announcing the results of the election, but says nothing about any penalties for not carrying out those duties, save the two aforementioned remedies. Political penalties aplenty await (perhaps) should Pence think he has a political future, but that’s a good 18 months or longer away, depending what office he’s thinking about.
None of this means that Biden and Harris won’t be sworn in on January 20, but Trump’s lap dog is eager, as ever, to be scratched behind the ears.
January 6, 2021 at 8:53 am |
The thing to keep uppermost in our minds is that these people do not play by the rules.
“He can’t do that, can he?” no longer applies. Chances are he can, and will, and then make you go to court to prove that he can’t.
What matters in this instance is where Pence thinks he can be in a few years. I’m not sure he has the stones to go full Trump here. Plenty of other smarter, meaner dudes want to grab those balls and run with them. He may want to stick to counting his graft while he lets the rug burns heal.
January 6, 2021 at 9:04 am |
Best comment of the day, so far. “Now Mitch McConnell can take his tie off, let his neck down, watch his head roll away just like the witch who cursed him said it would.”
January 6, 2021 at 9:23 am |
Hah. That is a good one. But I ain’t dancing in the end zone yet. Even if the Donks are in charge once the dust and feathers settle, it’s still a janitorial job, and an ugly one. I worked at cleaning up a narc’s house that the dopers set on fire once. That looks like umbrella drinks on the beach by comparison.
January 6, 2021 at 9:31 am |
Yeah, now the real work begins.
Things to hope for are the Dems decide that patriotism and getting the country united is more important that which wing for the party gets it’s way. That one will take many presidential terms to complete.
The other is that Trumps twitter account is deleted, that he is somehow silenced.
I know those are “hail Marys” but you gotta aim high and hope you get it at least directionally correct.
January 6, 2021 at 9:51 am |
I suspect the GOP knows it will do even better out of power than in. The Donks get to shovel and mop, the Elefinks get to raise holy hell (and tons of money).
The problem with being in power is that sooner or later even the dumbest sonofabitch might finally expect you to, y’know, like, govern, an’ shit.
January 6, 2021 at 2:44 pm |
Hopefully, the Banana Repubs will wilt faster than they grew. Warnlock and Ossoff won!
January 6, 2021 at 2:50 pm |
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. If we could harness it as a source of power we could do without fossil fuels and e-vehicles. Just flutter hither and yon on the wings of pure U-nited States of America American dumbass.
Meanwhile, congrats to Warnock, Ossoff, and Stacey Abrams, who turned her own defeat into a victory for others.
January 6, 2021 at 3:37 pm |
Welcome to a shit hole country. Never forget a traitor. If they did it once, they will do it again.
January 6, 2021 at 4:03 pm |
It’s the last call for the likes of the Turtle, Texas Ted the Gucci Shitkicker, Young Ben Sasse, et al. You’re either with the Constitution or with the seditionists. Gee, I wonder where the money is. …
January 6, 2021 at 5:06 pm |
Just to cast a naive and hopeful outlook on the debacle currently ongoing:
Out of this attempt to undermine and flout the US Constitution, many individuals younger than 50 are now witnessing the fragility of our republic and the potential consequences of major political party obeisance to sustaining the organization rather than representing the values of what’s best for the country. Hopefully they’ll absorb this tragic and, in my view, preventable instance in our history and act accordingly in the future.
I’ve been talking with several millennials and older who are embarrassed and amazed that what we’re seeing “live on TV and in the media” is happening in America.
I can’t imagine what US diplomats abroad and others here in America who teach honor/integrity/ethics are grappling with. “So….tell me more about integrity in leadership and why the US style of democracy is what we should undertake?”
A multi-generational low-point for our country, its people, and eye-opening for all who observe from abroad.
January 6, 2021 at 5:23 pm |
It’s a teaching moment for sure, JD, for a lot of folks, and not just the young people. Some of us oldsters are getting a belated wake-up call, too, I betcha, I bet.
As are the Capitol cops and our national legislature, I expect. “Whaddaya sayin’ here? That when we act like cynical shitheels, using the dummies for our own nefarious purposes, you can’t save us from the consequences of our actions?”
What a massive failure of imagination. We’ve gone from recycling old TV shows and “reimagining” works of literature to re-enacting the Civil War.
January 7, 2021 at 7:21 am |
Will be interesting, or perhaps disappointing, to see if/how many of the seditious insurrectionists who stormed the Capitol are identified and prosecuted. Certainly the Capitol CCTVs and the media coverage would provide ample ability to ID many.
I’d also like to read the after-action report, if there is one, on how the Capitol Police “responded”.
January 7, 2021 at 7:56 am |
We were too distracted to cook last night, so I carried out a pizza from our favorite locally owned hole-in-the-wall. Business was light and the four college-agers running the place had not much to do.
I said that what’s wrong won’t be fixed by the time I die. And then I apologized for leaving them this mess.
I couldn’t tip enough to assuage my guilt.