Viejo pendejo

Not dead yet, but not fooling anyone, either.

Happy birthday to me

I am old, as you see

Bald, wrinkled, and smelly

Plus it hurts when I pee.


Ho hum. Another year, another decidedly muted celebration.

Last year I rode 66 minutes on the stationary trainer, being slightly stove up. This year … to be honest, I’m not feeling it. The whole birthday-ride thing.

Sixty-seven miles? Not gonna happen. Sixty-seven kilometers? Nuh uh. Sixty-seven minutes? Maybe, but not on a trainer. That much I know for certain.

It’s not a “Duane’s Depressed” kind of situation. I don’t have a pickup to park, or a shack to walk to. Anyway, I’m waiting on our yard guy to come around and tell me how much money he needs for his next trip to Vegas.

But afterward maybe I’ll take a page from ol’ Duane’s story and go for a 6.7-mile walk. I do have these feet at the ends of my legs, and I don’t have to air ’em up or grease ’em or nothin’.


24 Responses to “Viejo pendejo”

  1. Shawn Says:

    Well Merry Birthday young sole ! Sole? Oh yeah, that’s a fish I think. Uh, “soul”. I hope it is starting out and progressing well. I cannot comment on the passions your literary partner bestowed upon you (you stab and pickle me if I did) this morning, but I hope you know that you are still loved and appreciated. Enjoy those 6.7 kms, miles, furlongs, etc) of hiking you may choose to do. I understand the 67 mile bike thing, I also lacked the interest to ride some 60 odd miles over the same roads in marginal weather.

    Here’s some Cheers & Beers tipped for you !

  2. khal spencer Says:

    Happy birthday, Patrick!

    67 ain’t so bad, as long as you don’t look in the mirror to see what time has wrought, have your blood pressure med, prostate med, anti-inflammatory meds, and get enough sleep. What? What did you say? I can’t hear you until I get new batteries for my hearing aid.

    All the best, buddy,

  3. B. Lester Says:

    Atsa lotta sun laps. Congratulations, mon ame. Celebrate in whatever manner you desire, as it is well deserved. I’ll hoist a zero calorie sports drink to ya.

  4. Pat O’Brien Says:

    Happy birthday Patrick from Sandy, Liz, Andy, and meeself. Please ask herself to allow you another year of life! How about doing 6.7 miles on the Vespa?

  5. Stan Thomas Says:

    Two years behind here, but closing in fast. Candles on the cake are becomming a bit of a fire hazard.

    How about Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Still Unbroken” ? Many happy returns.

  6. SAO' Says:

    365.256363 days, 583825190 miles, 66610 mph … blah blah blah, you know the drill.

    Happy birthday! Doesn’t matter how long, how far you did or didn’t ride. All that matters is that the bikes be there if’n yooze wants them, and you still have the mental capacity to choose.

    Thanks for another year of yucks, ponderings, and music recommendations.

  7. John O husband of the Geek Says:

    Happy Birthday I guess. We were never supposed to be this old. Ugly yes old never. I got shot #2 to celebrate for you. Kicked my fat ass!notjusak

  8. BruceM Says:

    67! Just wait. I’d like to see 67 again, but that ain’t gonna happen. I’m way ahead of you but still kickin’.

  9. Hurben Says:

    Happy Birthday from the End of the Earth

  10. mike w. Says:

    Just keep livin’!


  11. DownhillBill Says:

    Happy Birthday, Youngblood! (I’ve got 4 on y’a.)

    I can relate to your current aversion to the ritual celebration. Being of the OCD persuasion, I do love me some rituals, but an increased aversion to cold weather and the after effects of the months of the Saddle Sore From Hell have me nearly starting over on the bike. Good for the modesty, I guess. I’m sure you’ll find an acceptable substitute for this year. I’d suggest a walk on the grass (if there’s anyplace there with enough of it) to celebrate remaining on the right side of it.

    Congrats also to Herself for making it through a year of The Plague with you.

  12. JD Says:

    Happy Birthday, PO’G!!! You look mighty trim and energetic, still have the vinegar and inspiration in your writings, and certainly have a great family and bunch of wild and crazy website followers who adore you. What’s to complain about, mi amigo?

    Enjoy another great year! 🙂 🙂

  13. Opus the Poet Says:

    Take heart, you’re younger than Mrs. the Poet, and much more lively. She’s one year out from a spinal fusion and still not dancing 😉

  14. debby511 Says:

    Happy Birthday, PO’G! I hope you enjoyed your day. Mine was last weekend. Try as I might, I don’t think I’m gonna catch up to you though. You had a head start on me.

  15. Dave Watts Says:

    67? That’s still just a kid. Just ask the folks at the
    “Old Folks Homes,” and they’ll agree. What’s important is that you’re smiling in the photo of yourself above. Or is that wincing from the pain?

  16. Shawn Says:

    In celebration of your conscientious reasoning of parking the bike yesterday for the 67th thought of your emergence into this fine world, I chased the spiders away from one of my kmart special bikes and pushed it out into the modest northwest sunshine. We had a nice roll on some mac-a-dam and gravel with a couple thousand feet of elevation thrown in. Upon return to the stable it was discovered that either you are younger than what you think or the 63.3 km we rolled, bumped and swooped fell short of a tribute to your day. But hey, I imbibed in about 370ml of Muleskinner Stout from Freebridge Brewing afterward, so looking at the matter from a Kip Thorn kind of viewpoint, 63.3 km of huffing and puffing, combined with 370ml of gravity fed liquid goodness, might just equate to the multiple number of sunsets that you have experienced. It was a fine event. We’ll have to do it again in the future.

  17. carl duellman Says:

    happy birthday!

  18. Dale E. Brigham Says:

    Happy Birthday, Patrick my boy! You bring smiles, chuckles, and belly-laughs to all of us readers, and for that, we are most grateful and indebted to you. Here’s to many more! Dale

  19. Patrick O'Grady Says:

    A thousand thank-yous to one and all for the birthday wishes. Even the yard guy went easy on me. But he didn’t show up until late so I only managed a 67-minute hike.

    P’raps the best part: No cooking! Well, not for dinner, anyway. I devoured a giant green chile and bacon cheeseburger with fries and half a massive slice of carrot cake from the Range Cafe. Takeout, not dine-in. Herself had the blackened salmon.

    We’ve been neglecting our local restaurants during the plague, and I’m very much looking forward to the day when this no longer feels necessary.

  20. Herb from Michigan Says:

    Well although late to the party congrats Patrick on getting this far into this century. And also for your birthday meal choice. When I hit 60 I said that’s enough…no more birthday reveling or ruminations. It took two years to retrain the family not to remind me via cards, calls and calories that I was headed for the infirmaries of old age. My theory was to stop marking time either past or future and try like hell to live in the moment. And oh how long that moment seems this past year during the pandemic. Not a bad thing. I pulled the computers off my bikes years ago in order to cease my annoying addiction of always comparing or measuring this-against- that.

    • Pat O’Brien Says:

      I still have birthdays ‘cause I get presents. Got a set of ebony bridge pins with abalone dots this year to bling up my guitar.

      I hear you and agree about bike computers and other data devices. They can take over your life, and for what. My favorite @musement now is to watch all these “seniors” around walking aimlessly while staring at their phones. Asked one once what she was doing. The reply is getting my steps in, and I have over 11,000 today. I asked if she had seen anything interesting on her walk, and she said no. Figures.

  21. John A Levy Says:

    Happy Birthday Patrick!!! On the 26th I passed my 67th trip around the sun.

  22. mooremediaone Says:

    Happy belated, sir. I am totally steeling that birthday song for my upcoming in May. I’ll be riding 59 miles, if one needs to know. 🙂

    What a long strange trip it’s been.

    Best Wishes from the L.A. Foothills!

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